do nice guys ALWAYS finish last?

[pussylicker]

just a quick scenario: boy likes girl and a "relationship" developes...only problem is that girl has boyfriend. girl breaks up with boyfriend. boy and girl start to think about something serious. then out of blue girl just wants to be friends with boy and girl gets back with boyfriend. i'm a nice guy, caring, giving, i told her more about me than i have let anyone see into me. so, do nice guys finish last? i have friends all over the place...but why do i feel so lonely?:(

[Aqua]

Not always, but in relationships it is often the case. I think the scenario you just described happens more often than not. Try to not let it jade you though. There will be a girl that will appreciate what you have to offer. Be yourself and in the end you will find happiness. (Damn, I should write fortune cookies... :rolleyes: )

[Lilith]

Ummmmm I married the nice guy.........poor bastard:D:D:p

[PantyFanatic]

YEP!

[scotzoidman]

No good deed ever goes unpunished...

Nice guys finish lunch...

2 philosophies that have worked for me so far...

[jennaflower]

Maybe the question needs to be...

why are the nice guys attracted to the ones who don't deserve them?

just a thought.......

[Vigil]

and vice versa.

[Revenant]

Then again there are a few of us nice guys who try everything to not feel so empty or alone.... and the more we reach out to even find acceptance, We are slapped back down and left even more empty than before. I know how the feeling is about nice guys finish last.... Sad to remember those days.... But even sadder is that us gentlemen and good guys have such an openness to ourselves that when it seems all is well that fate and her cruelty smashes us against the rocks leaving us shattered and broken and trying to reform... but to find every time we are shattered.... a small piece of ourselves is missing.... I deal with this all the time... and that is how I veiw my life.... but no matter what even with the piece missing... and being single... find something to fill the missing piece... and it does not have to be a lover or anything... could be merely just spending a day with a friend.

[jennaflower]

Revenant

the irony is that men are not alone in this... us women experience this too... it is not a Gender issue... it is a human one ...

[Belial]

In my experience, invariably yes.

[Nice Guy]

I'm posting due to the name and the problem. Yep nice guys do finish last but the inbetween is fun.

[Vintage Vixen]

Originally posted by jennaflower
Revenant

the irony is that men are not alone in this... us women experience this too... it is not a Gender issue... it is a human one ...

I totally agree with you jenna,it dosen't discriminate thats for sure.What matters is how we deal with it,do we feel like we deserve better?Or are we willing to settle for anything as not to be lonely.And even in a relationship you can still be alone...i've experienced this in the past.But everyone deals differently.

[Stillwater]

in desiding where the fates deal our hand, we dont always have a say. Perhaps at the time it was important for you to see someone else with someone you find yourself attracted to. it's easy to start jumping at people when you get too lonely, also.

but part of it is faith youll find them when you need them and part of it is patience in waiting and making yourself available when they appear.

I like to think I'm a "nice guy." and heres three things I've been told. 1; you can't rush fate 2; love finds you when you least expect it. 3; this one is a secret.. i can't tell all my stories now can i.

[dzbuster]

yes nice guys finish last. hell gotta hold out until she gets hers before you send her off to grab another brew

[moonpoet78]

I am really sorry but this is gonna be a long first post so plz bear with me. thanks!


I decided to make this my first post here, but only because it reminded me alot of how I used to feel. 7 Years ago I just got out of high school. I had never been on a date, wasn't much of a sociable person untill ya got to know me. I never went to bars or clubs cause I had a terrible self image of myself. I always thought of myself as ugly, and another thing that really held me back was the fact that I was really shy. Of course being really naieve did not help either. (hope I spelled that right) I never had many friends in school, which I started in a private school, then went to public in 4th grade. As the new kid I got picked on by I think almost everyone. I did have one friend sort of, I mean we talked every once in a while. But after that I just never had many friends. I was always the guy in the background that everyone knows, but are not friends with. When I was in 5th grade I developed a rare nervous disorder. I pulled my eyelashes out. To this day I don't know why I did. You can imagine the things that kids had to say. I finally lost it started saying all kinds of crazy things, like freddy krueger (yeah the one from the horror flicks) was my friend and he was gonna get them all back for me. At home my dad beat me several times for pulling out my eyelashes. Sometime when I would just sit in my room and cry my dad would walk by and say "what the hell is wrong with you," and I would say I was depressed. He then said and many years later he admitted to saying this, "quit that shit there ain't nothin wrong with you." I think he said it cause I was crying for no reason, some kind of macho thing I guess. Things went on like this for 4 years, until my mom who was never around decided to leave with her bf and leave the state all together. So after painting a portrait of an abusive father in my 12year old mind I said ok, and me and my 4yr old syster went with them and ran away. 6months later we were back with my dad. My mom dissappeared again, until one day she begged my dad to come back after her bf told her to get lost. My dad took her back so my sister and I could have a mother. We went about our lives as though nothing had changed. I cried alot, but I tried to put on a happy face so is not to make my dad mad. my 10th grade year I met a girl in my french class who was real nice. We became friends bc I could do the butt-head impression flawlessly (beavis and butt-head). Well I soon found out she was one of the cheerleaders and very popular. I new then that I couldn't be close with her. IT hurt cause I really liked her. I finally started to have friends that year. The first time I had REAL friends. My dad then says we're moving 2,000 miles away to wyoming cause he visited a relative and thought it was great. Sigh, sorry this is long but I just have to put this up here. I didn't really fit in their either as their were alot of jocks and preps and if you wern't one of them you were in the losers club which I didn't really care. TUrned out that the losers club was full of people I could really talk to. One in particular whos nickname was squid helped me alot. Helped me sort out alot of stuff. Built up my confidence a bit, along with a great artist friend of mine and a mexican guy who had a great since of hummor. IT helped me alot, but there was one thing. My father had not sold the house so he was still in nc while trying to sell the house. My mother, me, and my sister lived in wy. I took care of my sister. My mother like to go to bars and go out with her friends so my sister and I suffered. I became a father to my sister. When she was out sick I was out. When I was sick I was out. I had probs keepin up. I gave up a social life to take care of my sister, even though I did manage to go to the prom, but the girl I went with as a friend (you couldn't get in unless you had a date) she left me as soon as we got in. I helped my sister with her homework, cooked cleaned. My mom worked, and then there were her friends. So that was that. I smoked marijuanna at that time. The truth is no one pressured me, I decided I wanted to try it to see why it was so bad. After smokin a little, I was able to relaxe and laugh in a way I had laughed in a long time. It felt great. Now I am not trying to say go out and smoke it, but at that time it really helped also. While in wy all kinds of things happened and we finally moved back as my dad never did sell the house. I never smoked any after that. I came back having grown a foot in wy. I was now looking rather built. People began to be really nice to me like they were afraid of me. It helped make me feel better, but also alienated me. I found that girl again, but it turned out she was dating my youger cousin. That hurt. He did not like me so when I finally spoke to her again, she made fun of me, made me feel bad. At this point I wanted to die. I gave up, I started thinking of the ways I could do it. I did not want to feel pain. So I decided I was going to use pills. Just go to sleep and not wake up. While I was a senior I did manage to make one friend. A really good friend. I was painting a picture and he loved it. Asked if I could help him and I said sure. Soon he and I were turning out paintings that people loved. One day he calls me and says I need some advice. I say ok, he then says well, there is this girl that I am really good friends with and her bf is cheating on her, but I am in a gang with him and they might come after me. I told him this, well think about weather the gang will come after you, I mean how will they know you told her. I don't think they will but that is just me, you should do what you think is right. With that he said ok. Well I did manage to make it to graduation, and after that my friend and I actually started drivin around, I felt better. THen I got in a car accident, my car was crushed(back seat and trunk no longer existed). We walked away with scratches, knock on wood. I was stuck at home, with nothing but my thoughts of being alone. Honestly enough at this point the only thing keeping me going was that I wanted to experience sex before I died, then I decided one day that the time had come to say goodbye, and that I just couldn't wait for sex anymore. I put the pills to my mouth and the phone rang. I decided to take it. Thank god I did. It was my friend. HE said that he had someone he wanted me to call. I got scared and I said what do you mean. He said I have a girl I want you to call. I just want to say that no matter what, up to that point I could not look a girl in the face for more than a few seconds. I just couldn't I was that afraid and that shy. So he told me to call her or he would have her call me. So I said fine. I called her we talked for like an hour or so. When we hung up I was shaking all over. I felt alive again. I felt happy, nervous and sad all at the same time. My friend tricked us into meeting cause he knew how afraid I was. It was a great meeting. I thought she looked great, I mean, she was overweight like me but she looked great. I don't mean that to sound wrong either. As we were about to leave my friend said ok you 2 kiss so we can leave. Had he not done that I would not have kissed her and it would have just ended. Funny isn't it, 18yrs old and I had never kissed. Truth. After we kissed I drove me and my friend one mile down the road before I was so overwhelmed with emotion and feelings that he had to drive. The girl and I hit it off, and she told me that no one ever treated her so good. She had been with 3 other guys. Intimate with 2 of them but then neither of them made her orgasm. As I look back on it, our first sexual contact is kinda funny because of how scared I was. My gf had to do everything for me. The neat part was makin her have and orgasm. She had never had one. Couldn't even make herself have one, at least not one that strong. After having sex I felt like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I felt truely alive again. Nothing bothered me anymore. Not even what other people thought of me. My gf and I got married 3 years ago this july 8th. Its been the greatest time of my life. Hell, in the last year alone, a couple who we are very close with. Well their had always been sexual tension between us, and sure enough, one night we were drinking and bam, we got real....... naughty hehe. but my point is, is that sex and love saved my life, and there isn't a day goes by that I am not thankful.

[stud_muffin]

Damn... I feel for ya but I guess in the long run the nice guy finished ahead of them all. That sounds kinda what I went through, prhaps my situation was not as drastic but similar. I went to a catholic school up untill the 8th grade in terre haute IN. Then I was fourced out into the public schooling system in the 9th grade. It was tough for me, I had trouble making friends and wound up in the wrong croud. I ended up befriending a bunch of pot-heads. I didn't ever smoke the stuff but i saw how lucrative drug dealing was. I was young for my grade (I didnt turn 16 untill x-mas vacation my junior year) so I couldn't get a real job. So i figured that I would grow some weed for a little extra cash. It started off as 3 pants in the back garage in my freshman year, but by the time i turned 17 I had built my dope empire. I had it growing in 13 locations all over town (mostly out in the sticks) I had more money than I could have ever wanted (57 grand) but I couldn't spend it as people would wonder where I got the cash as it was well known that I had no job. In the summer of that year one of my growing locations had been found (finally) and I wanted to end it. Easyer said than done. I owed several people big time, and trent, my "buisness partner", had been buying up weed from the west coast without my knoledge. He figured that we could sell 20 kilos of weed for a profit before anyone found out. He got caught with it 2 weeks before graduation and is still in jail. I graduated, packed my bags and left town by myself in my '65 MG. I applied for colledge at Georgia Tech and spent every penny of my weed money on tuition. It was looking pretty good, but then in my softmore year the law caught up with me. I told them everything and gave them names of varios drug dealers from the west coast (Ironically I never would have had that information if it hadent been for trent who had been buying fron those same dealers). Luckily for me I had come up with enough dirt on other dealers that I was given a full pardon, but there was a catch. I had to keep my grades up. So the FBI kept tabs on me untill I was 22 at that time they agreed to eleminate my criminal record for helping them with the other dealers. After colledge was done I moved to Houston TX. and I now work for Lockheed as a technical engineer. I'm making 90 grand a year and those other guys are in jail getting gang-rapped.

I'm well awhare that my shortened life story had absolutely nothing to do with love or sex (I continue to search for "the one") But I figured that I would throw that in there as it does proove that even if you are totally screwed and the shit has hit the fan and the future seems bleak and you dont think that you can go on, you can still turn your life around and be the nice guy (or girl) who finished first.

[seriousfun]

Originally posted by jennaflower
Maybe the question needs to be...

why are the nice guys attracted to the ones who don't deserve them?

just a thought.......

oooooh, an important question, actually.

We are attracted to a girl, at least for the first few milleseconds after a visual stimulus, by her looks first, secondarily by her smell, sound, feel, etc. This attraction, right away, is usually wrong because we develop our visual attraction from our first look at our dad's playboy, from our mom :eek: , our first girlfriend, our 7th grade science teacher ;) , whatever.

That attraction brings us to someone who is by the odds wrong in bed or wrong in the head. At least for us :rolleyes:

Beautiful women (LA 9s and 10s...) probably never learned how to be good in bed (at least in my experience), and probably will be looking at the guy's car and watch and ATM slips before his "niceness". The BW will most likely have low self esteem, which can be exploited by the not-nice men. The BW will set up their ideal (bad-boy, sugar daddy, daddy replacement, whatever) and have a self-perpetuating cycle of the wrong guy, while the nice guys are not on their list at all.

Personally, I know the shortcuts guys can use (the Double Your Dating newsletters, Leykis 101, etc), but I like shortcutting around the initial attraction thing to find out if I really like someone, or if she likes me. The internet helps.:)