Going it alone

[Grumble]

Well the time has come, I have been living in the same house as my wife but downstairs in a small room since feb 2000.

I have been here mainly because of the kids, I was unwell for a time and because financially it was unviable to do anything else.

Well yesterday she came home and blasted into my daughter for not taking the washing off the line when it rained (Natalie was reading a book and is like her dad, she got absorbed and did not notice anything going on around her) I got home and was blasted for not getting it in even though I was not home.

I went downstairs to get away from it all and she got on the intercom and ordered me to help her hang out the washing in front of the heater. I went up and got the usual "I do everything for everyone else and no one does a thing for me" the well worn broken bloody record. She doesnt work and never has, always lived off my earnings so I said if you are so unhappy why don't you leave.

She really got into it then and I finally snapped and told her a few home truths LOL.

So the upshot of it is I am moving out as soon as I can find a place to go to. Something that for my health and piece of mind I should have done long ago.

Had a talk with the kids and they accept it and I will not go far from them, probably the next suburb.

I feel relieved and hopeful I will get some control of my life back again. Since getting over my depression I have been dominated and it is not a pleasant thing. I am sure the stress of being where I felt so uncomfortable has aggravated my health problems.

I have has several Pixies friends give me good advice and support something that has helped me appreciably. thank you dear friends :)

So while it is sad that 16 years of being with one person is over, it will give me the space to move on and have a life again.

[musicman]

Grumble....

Good luck....sometimes change is good, especially for the sake of one's health...from what I know of Pixies, everyone will be here to help you through this difficult time.

MM

[Casperr]

Grumble....... sorry to hear it came about like this, but I believe it is for the best in the end. Good luck, and all the best.

Hope everything works out!
CasperTG

[GingerV]

Grumble....wow. Beyond wishing you and your kids all good things in this time, I wanted to send you the message I wish someone had been able to give MY dad when my parents split up.

As hard as it was on everyone, I knew every day that Dad loved me and was there for me, even though he wasn't in the same house. Even when work sent him across the country, in fact. More....even as I kid, I was so relieved to have two happy parents in seperate houses rather than two miserable parents in mine. I don't know anything about your wife, but I can only imagine that getting your space and your life back will make you a happier person and an EVEN better father (though I'm sure you're a star in that already....you obviously love them like crazy). He worried himself sick about us at first, and he shouldn't have done. There just wasn't anyone who could tell him it would be ok. I haven't got a crystal ball, but if my experience is enything to go by...this may actually be the best thing that could've happened.

Wish I could offer more, but I hope this helps a bit.

Best of luck with evereything...

[Irish]

GG---Good Luck & it's about time! Irish
P.S.Suggestion:Get a place,big enough for the kids,because from
the sound of her,it won't be long,before they have had it too!
I was real good friends with the kid,that lived next door!His parents got divorced.He went with his father on weekends.He had a room,next door,so lived there.I really felt sorry for him!His
parents were both assholes & his mother treated him like shit,but
naturally,he loved both of them! Irish

[Cobalt]

Very good luck to you GG, hope things turn for the better for you!

[Cheyanne]

(((HUGS))) Grumble............

Cobalt and I are a blended family with four children (all of them live with us). We both had decided that we would take the crap that we took for the sake of the kids, but in the end, decided that by doing that, it was making it worse on them and ourselves. It is a big decision that you have come to, and one, I am sure that you will not regret.

There will be more situations that you will encounter... especially regarding the kid(s), and those won't be pleasant. The only item of wisdom (I think), that I can offer is this -- remind yourself constantly that what you do, say, feel, will be picked up by the children, and look out for their best interests ALL the time. (which I know that you will), even though she may not (and use the kids as a tool to hurt you)

And, like Irish stated, it might be a good idea, if you are able, to make sure that your new place is big enough for the kids as well. Not only will you have visitation (if they stay with their mom), but you might find yourself as a full time single father when they decide to move with you.

Good luck to you GG.....

[Irish]

GG---Another suggestion---You might want to alert your kids to
this.Some divorced parents,try to say anything bad,that they can,
about the other parents & use their kids almost as a weapon!
My youngest daughter got divorced.She loaned her photo album,
to her previous husband & former inlaws!When she got it back,
her former mother-in-law,had cut all of the pictures of her out.
There were many pictures of her,her former husband, & the kids.
Previous family pictures!That's little kid shit.It's also destroying someone elses property. Irish

[Grumble]

Well thanks people, I have to say that Jenny is a very good mother and loves her kids. She was not a good wife for me and in the long run, I was not a good husband for her.

We married too soon and did not know each other well enough. There was also some heavy interference from her family, particularly her sister and also her very opiniated mother that made things hard.

Jenny is a decent person and we both would never use our children as weapons, we have seen another family ruin their children by doing so. We are both going to go with the children to a netball carnival in a fortnight and to the state athletic titles in Hobart in several months and share accommodation.

We just cannot stay in the same house as it compounds the problems and does not allow either of us to move on with our lives. Custody is not an issue, we will have shared custody with the children being welcome at either place. For the time being they will be with their mum who is better equipped to look after their needs than a father in full time employment.

[Oldfart]

Grumble,

my ex and I are very good friends but we just couldn't live together.

As soon as we were apart, we both improved 100%.

Just remember that the kids are 127% of your priority till they're

out on their own. All else will sort itself out.

[dm383]

In most ways, it sounds like you and your wife feel about your kids the same way my ex and I do. We managed to work out our separation agreement ourselves, only needing the sharks, sorry, I mean Lawyers, to put it through the court! We actually get on better now than we did for the last 6 or 7 years of our marriage!!

Grumble, I'm sure what you're doing IS the best thing, for both of you. Hopefully, you'll get a palce soon, and be able to really start living your life the way YOU want!

Best of luck mate.

DM & CA

[osuche]

Be patient with yourself and your kids over the next few weeks...this type of significant change is stressful. However, long term I belive you'll be happier!

I wish you the best...

[hellsbells]

GG my very good friend, I wish you all the luck in the world.
You will both be able to move forward, and who knows, You and Jenny might be better friends when you are not under the same roof.
I wish you love and happiness, and of course peace.

Hugs to you Ian xx