Reluctance and the Male Machismo

[Michael Smith]

Do you think many men have a reluctance to learning about sex?

I think many men hate to admit we don’t know something, especially when it comes to sex.

Do you agree? Why do you suppose this is?

[BigBear57]

Me thinks some feel society sees the man as typically the aggressor or instigator of relationships and therefore responsible for the knowledge to carry out the task at hand. Furthermore, peer pressure probably has a more presistant force in our inability to admit shortcomings. God knows we'd never want "the guys" to think we weren't takin' care of business at home. I think as a man ages these fears or pressures lessen to a certain degree. I can tell at my age I'm less hesitant to listen to suggestions or have an open mind sexually. Of course, there are exceptions to even this.

[Michael Smith]

Great point, BigBear!

So you feel that most men seem to think and feel that they are expected to already know everything there is to know about sex?

I agree! And if we admit we don’t know everything, then we may start to feel inadequate.

I also think some of us believe that if we admit we need help, we may also be admitting that we are stupid and can’t figure it out for ourselves, we aren’t doing it right, or we aren’t pleasing our ladies.

I also believe many people (especially men) are so terrified of failing in bed that they are afraid to take any risks or do anything to make themselves vulnerable, which is a failure in itself. If we stick with what we are already comfortable with (even if it isn’t the best we are capable of), then we don’t have to wade into new territory and risk failure.

Any others?

[Lilith]

I also think many men fear trying new things, or things they have only heard about, with their S/O for fear they will be seen as incompetent or perverted. But I often think women are waiting for the man to take the lead. There is no "failing" in bed. Being intimate happens regardless of the mechanics, if the intent and feelings are there and that makes every experience a success.

[Michael Smith]

Great point about failure, Lilith. I couldn't agree more! :)

[Irish]

I agree mostly with BigBear57.As you age,you realise that you're
not in a contest,to show how good that you are.You realise that
it's a two-way street towards mutual satisfaction.As people who know how I think,I always compare sex to business.A satisfied
customer,is a return customer!Not especially romantic,but true.
Irish

[GingerV]

It can't be all men though, can it? There's a not uncommon fantasy among my younger male friends (and I've seen it here too) about being with an older woman. I always thought that learning from an expert was part of that attraction. So some guys seem to be more than ok with the idea of learning.

But judging simply by the number of times I've heard the announcement "Wow, I've never done that before" AFTER we've done something new...I know it can by no means be all of them.

[Belial]

Originally posted by Michael Smith
Great point, BigBear!

So you feel that most men seem to think and feel that they are expected to already know everything there is to know about sex?

I agree! And if we admit we don’t know everything, then we may start to feel inadequate.

I also think some of us believe that if we admit we need help, we may also be admitting that we are stupid and can’t figure it out for ourselves, we aren’t doing it right, or we aren’t pleasing our ladies.

I also believe many people (especially men) are so terrified of failing in bed that they are afraid to take any risks or do anything to make themselves vulnerable, which is a failure in itself. If we stick with what we are already comfortable with (even if it isn’t the best we are capable of), then we don’t have to wade into new territory and risk failure.

Any others?
Certainly, the failure to know everything can really sting, for some stupid reason. Having difficulty grasping concepts that most of my peers would consider too arcane to even contemplate can make me feel that way. In terms of macho-competitiveness, in whatever arena, it doesn't matter in what company you are competing, "losing" by any definition feels just as bad.

[lakritze]

I have had a few friends in my life that seemed proud of what they were unable to accept or understand because something or another did not fit into their undersanding of what being a man was.This always astounded me.Willfull ignorance is never a good excuse.How is it that some men can boast of how many beers they can consume durring a football game or how many women they can concor,but have no idea of intimacy?

[lakritze]

Lilith is right.But if some men view sexual experimentation as perverted or wrong,then that would leave some with only the hop on,hop off missionary position.Beware of the guy who bosts that he can cum in under 3 minutes.heh heh heh

[skipthisone]

Knowledge is power...enough said.

[darogle]

Originally posted by skipthisone
Knowledge is power...enough said.

Amen brother....break out the books, sign me up for a class, send me to a seminar! What ever it takes to make me a better guy for my gal.

I feel sorry for those that limit themselves to learning more....

[Max_theHitMan]

"In the kingdom of the blind...the one-eyed man is king!"
I do know alot of people who are a bit scared to talk about their feelings, let alone sex-talk. I feel sorry for them. I´m an up-frontal type of person. I speak my mind. I say what I mean.
If you don´t know something...ask. Or at least grab a book and start learning. Remenber that no one is born with the knowledge of being great in "bed". You have to let yourself go, your inhibitions run wild, don´t be afraid to say what you want, and need. Like @shipthisone said...knowledge is power, enough said.
But you must also have a "wild" heart and mind to make those dreams come true with the someone you love, or want.