Prayers!!!

[dm383]

Hope this one hasn't been posted before! :)


FEMALE PRAYER:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me no end, and never attempt to hit on my friend.
Amen.


MALE PRAYER:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with perky boobs who owns a liquor store.
Amen.

[babybunny]

LOL! :spin: <--Makes you do that huh?

[Irish]

dm383---I just showed this to my wife & she got a big kick out of
it! Irish
P.S.I forgot,you might not understand American slang.(kick---enjoyed---thought was funny)

[hellsbells]

LOL DM They are my exact words every night!!!

Hey Irish.... Thanks to Pixies, we Brits pick up many of you sayings. Hehe I am trying to learn fast, I will be there in just over a week!!

[Cheyanne]

LOL

OMG ~ just a week Hellsbells??? Whoo-hooooooo!

[dicksbro]

DM, those are great. LMAO.

[jseal]

hellsbells,

Be prepared for culture shock.

[cowgirltease]

Absolutely love it dm383!!!!!! Thanks!:)

[Irish]

School Prayer









Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.



We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen

[Irish]

The school prayer was e-mailed to me by a cousin in Conn.,who is
a school teacher&frustrated by all of the school laws!Each verse was interspersed with childrens pictures,that didn't come out in
the transfer process! Irish
P.S.She has 3 children of her own.2 sons&1 Autistic(approx)21yr
old daughter.
P.P.S.As you can probably tell,she is also SUPER religious.

[Lovediva]

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with perky boobs who owns a liquor store.

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with a stiff dick who can lick his way through a liquor store!! :D :D

[lakritze]

No one ever really talks about the super religious and the fundaMENTALists who so abused their religious freedom by trying to force their beliefs on the rest of us.NO,I am not an atheist,if fact I'm a unitarian which is also part if the Christian faith. Our creedo is to have respect for everyone's faith.But I have no problem with these "restrictions" if it keeps a balance of the seperation of Church and State.A toxic combination everytime they are mixed.