Sex Slave for a Good Home

[CunningLinguist]

I know I have promised some of the senior pixie's that I would never post here again, but after talking to my good friend Succubus Kitty about the joys of slavery, I had gotten this wonderful idea:

I am willing to become a sex slave. Yes, that is right I am hoping that there is a very wonderful and rich pixie out there who reads this and is hoping to adopt one very fat, hairy 24 y/o man on high blood pressure medication who as a result sometimes has trouble getting it up.

Here is what you get in return:

-A life time of giggles and bad puns as you share your home with a humorist.
-Intelligent conversations on topics ranging from sex to chemical engineering.
-Seeing a young artist still stuggling to find his voice to express his genius.
-Infinite papal blessings from a real life Pope.*
-Cannonization**
-My infinite graditude and devoted service.
-Non stop sex with a big, hairy guy as long as my tounge and penis hold out.

Here are the rules:

-No humiliation.
-No tying me up.
-No watersports.
-No Physical abuse.
-No means no and "FNORD!" is a word of control used by the Illuminati.

Simply, put a roof over my head, feed me (about $100/mo.), pay all my credit card and student loan bills (about $500/mo.), maintain my current standard of living (Electricity, running, water, DSL, and a DVD player), medical bills (check up is every 6 months and I take blood pressure medication and happy pills), have sex with me about once a month, and I will be your indentured servant for the next seven years.

Yes, it really is that simple! Treat me like your bitch! Kids doing math homework you can't understand? Now is the chance to hire your very own nerd to do it for you! Lying awake at night just wishing you had your own cuddle bear who will tell you bizarre tales of gods gone mad sure to chill you to the bone? Ever been curious to know what a man with an enlarged pineal gland can do?

Respond now by sending a PM to Succubus Kitty since I never check mine anymore. I also attached my pic so you know I am real and not jsut some pervert posing as a fat, hairy guy in his 20's.

Soooooo many guys online pretending to be unattractive nerds jsut to get the good masters. I am the real deal.

*By Pope I mean a Pope of Discord (me), but really that could be anyone.

**Actual Cannonization by a real honest to goodness Catholic Pope. Cause putting up with me without killing me ould take the paitience of a saint.

[SuccubusKitty]

I would just like to take this opportunity to say that I didn't think he would ever take me seriously. If you are however interested I will pass your personal information along.....














I can't believe he actually wrote this.....very accurate though...........:eek:

[Lilith]

Pity I don't allow topping from the bottom:D

[CunningLinguist]

What exactly is topping from the bottom?

[thereIam]

Hail Eris, All hail Discordia!

FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD

hehehe

[nikki1979]

cunning,
hey hun, toping from the bottom is where the bottom ( sub) tells the top (master) what to do and how to do it :D good luck w ur search hun :D

~nikki

[paprclphd]

Good luck with your search!

[CunningLinguist]

Well I have been discussing BDSM on another site, and it does seem to me in almost all situations there is some topping from the bottom.

After all, certain limits and boundaries must be established in all interpersonal relationships.

I mean after all, you don't to all of a sudden be surprised when you fidn out your partner isn't a shiesser.

[nikki1979]

yes cunning but to the a certain expent. like the boundries wud be simple . the bottom does have alot of power in the relationship but mostly cuz they have the safe word to fall back on. but mostly its the top that decids what is gonna happen and brings things right up to the line as far as possible to extend the pleasure as far as possible. and i hate to break it to ya but if i was paying for ya bills and up keep and i was ur top id for damn sure want some physical humiliation like spanking and tieing up and teasing till u begged thats the fun of being in control. although i gotta admit im the sub in my relationship whenever he wants to get kinky. i LUV to be tied i LUV to teased and spanked , i LUVto be brought to the edge and held there being a sub is alot of fun and requires ALOT of trust of ur top.he and i dont have the time or engery to do it as much as wed like so most of the time were kinda vanilla but when we do bring out the kink it is so much fun and totally engrossing!u might try being tied and teased and spanked before u say no to it, that is if u havnt tried already ;) so fun so hot so sexy!!!! hopefully while hubbys on leave he will tie me up for a bit! heehhehee

~nikki

[CunningLinguist]

Still no takers?

Come on!

You would also be getting good karma points as I am a charity case and my only other option right now is lving on the streets.

My upkeep also went down!

-317/mo. and falling for credit card bills.
-My car insurance is paid till September and is projectec to be half of what I pay now. Heck, I am your slave why do I even need a car?
-$56.23 for student loans.
- I know I said $100/mo. for food, but in reality I cna get by on much less than that. When Succubus Kitty found me in my dorm room last May in the weeks after my fiancee dumped me I had gone for almost two weeks on just a hot dog and a single bowl of ramen noodles. For best perforance, it is suggested you feed your sex slave chunks of meat in savory sauce. (I can actually prepare this myself if given the right ingredients.)
-OK so maybe some humuliation. I really have no pride, but I am just scared of what my master will try to devise next. Basically nothing that my mom and dad will find out about back home.
-For that matter lets just say Lillith would be right out. Ummm I am pretty sure she would abuse my trus and chop off my penis or itroduce me to her Spiked Dildo of Assrape.
-As always: No fatties, trannies, men, or facial hair. (Let us exclude those flaky Spanish becuase they pulled out of Iraq a nervous French Catholic teeange boy fucking his first whore.)

BTW: This is no longer the stupidest idea I have ever heard. My little brother suggested last week with SK's temporary male roomate and the possibility that I may move in after getting kicked out of ym parent's house, SK should shoot pornos like We Live Together (http://www.welivetogether.com) and have her husband and a male roomate go out to the mall looking for horny willing to do a DP. I thought he meant women, but no he wanted to see gay porn.

On second though given the sickos I live with now, Lillith might be an improvement.