Sex before marriage?

[Loulabelle]

I was watching something on TV recently about women who'd decided not to have sex before marriage.

Quite frankly, I thought their reasons were somewhat misguided and I was worried that their motivation for remaining celibate hinted at their emotional insecurities and a certain level of immaturity, rather than because of any deep seated moral belief.

So I was wondering, what others' views are: does anyone here believe in celibacy before marriage? Is anyone here planning on remaining a virgin before they wed?

If so, what are your reasons? Do you find it difficult to stick with your decision? Have you ever been tempted? Perhaps you used to believe in celibacy before marriage, but have since changed your mind?

Enquiring minds want to know! :D

[cowgirltease]

not a virgin but here's my two cents.

I want a man who can satisfy me in bed and have the same desires that I do. I want to be able to connect with him mentally in our lovemaking. no, I wasn't a virgin when I married and I'm glad I wasn't. It was a big part in my decision in getting married. Granted, things changed in my marriage and we grew apart and divorced. But the next one will have to be able to satisfy me also. you can't be happy if you aren't satisfied.

[Loulabelle]

That's my view too Cowgirltease....and I feel that sex complicates a relationship and that people need to practise a relationship which involves sex before marriage, as it takes a while to get it right. That's to say the relationship needs the practise, not the sex!

I got the impression that these girls on TV were trying to shield themselves from being hurt by men, and being taken advantage of, by not having sex. Both seemed very frightened that they were going to get used just for sex if they didn't impose these rules on themselves.

[darogle]

Definitely seems an archaic way of thinking to me. Why would you want to enter into a marriage without knowing whether or not you were sexually compatable? That's too big of an issue to leave to chance.

And I think you're right, Lou, I think they are sheilding themselves. Which begs the issue of whether or not they are actually secure enough in the relationship to be really ready for marriage in the first place.

[Lilith]

Many people whether it be for cultural, religious, or personal reasons make the decsion to wait. Just like I pass no judgement on those who choose not to, I make no attempt to pass judgement on those who do.

[Glyndwr]

Hi Lou

I want to say this before anyone else : "Would you buy a car without a test drive?"

[wyndhy]

it is a very personal decision, true, no matter what you decide. personally, i believe that since sex is such a HUGE part of life and love and marraige that finding out if you ar compatible and can be sexually stimulated by your spouse is very important. an orgasm-less marraige would be a fate worse than death and you can't leave your spouse just cause they can't make you hit that high note! my husband was my first (pre-marraige) so i guess i was just lucky that way, but i doubt we would have married if he didn't or couldn't turn me on, or i him.

[Lilith]

Being someone who has been married 17 years I can tell you that our sex life now is nothing like it was 18 years ago when I took him for a test drive. To be honest he wasn't the best ride, but he came with much more important features. And I knew that with the features he came equipped with, our travels would only become more exciting. A test drive tells you nothing about long term performance. :p

[wyndhy]

good point, lil

[skyler_m]

Funny - I always thought that women waited until AFTER the wedding to begin abstaining from sex... :D

[Cobalt]

^^^^^^^^^
Most do, or they wait till about a year into it, then it slowly gets less and less, for whatever reasons.

[Sugarsprinkles]

Originally posted by skyler_m
Funny - I always thought that women waited until AFTER the wedding to begin abstaining from sex... :D




Make that *some* women, skyler_m. And just for the sake of fairness, there are some men who do this, too. Ask me how I know this. :(

[skyler_m]

Sorry, Sugarsprinkles... didn't mean to say that ALL women did that. just some... most... well, we'll say some. :D

[WildIrish]

I agree with Loulabelle's statement about sex complicating a relationship. Love isn't always enough to make a relationship work. It takes information to truly know someone. The act of sex, and the emotions that follow the introduction of sex to your relationship reveal so much about a person's true nature. That's the person you need to get to know before you can be sure that you're compatible.

And on a physical basis, a ten minute trip around the block won't tell you if your ride will last beyond the payments...


but it will let you know how loud the radio is! :D

[ChinesePussy]

I do not believe in Virgin before marry. I want to get bang as much as possible before the day i say "I DO"

but anyway any parents would say to their kids or girls "No sex before marry" especially to girls.

these days you can not say virgin before marry, because you are not going to commit to someone or marry to someone at the age of 18 right? there is a whole career a head of you , so now you marry at the age of 27 to 30 . you can not give your virginity until 30, if you ever keep your virginity to 30, I believe these people are not willing to enjoy sex as much as people who open mind on the sex before marry. That is my opinion.

I do believe sex before marry is a very GREAT idea

[Donkey]

All I have to say is that its not premarital sex if you don't plan on getting married.

[fzzy]

Originally posted by Glyndwr
Hi Lou

I want to say this before anyone else : "Would you buy a car without a test drive?"

Can I answer this question ...... :) ... I've bought a couple of cars without ever test driving them .... and it turned out very well for me.

In answer to the sex before marriage thing ... like Lil said, people make choices for a variety of reasons, I condemn neither view point, nor the presentation of why someone makes that choice ... we do what we believe we will be comfortable with for the most part in this life, that's how I make my decisions ... not worrying about whether or not someone who might hear my reasons for a decision finds them a worthy argument.

[ChinesePussy]

let's say you marry at the age 30. and you are still virgin until 30??? I think you are missing sooooooooooo much in your life during your young age. Young age is the best time to explore thing and plus for example a woman's body can react to sex and adapt to sex more much faster at a younger age more enjoyful , and her body can grow fuller at a younger age, isn't that look prettier and sexier?

for example you are marrying at the age of 30, your body is too old to grow fuller or change or even take slower to adapt to the sex than when you are younger. This is from my opinion.

i think when you are younger, you are much easier to enjoy anything and get use to anything.

this is not pointing to those mature women, this only to those women who virgin until 30.

Life is toooooo dam Short! enjoy as much as you can before you grow old or die.

[Loulabelle]

Originally posted by fzzy
Can I answer this question ...... :) ... I've bought a couple of cars without ever test driving them .... and it turned out very well for me.

In answer to the sex before marriage thing ... like Lil said, people make choices for a variety of reasons, I condemn neither view point, nor the presentation of why someone makes that choice ... we do what we believe we will be comfortable with for the most part in this life, that's how I make my decisions ... not worrying about whether or not someone who might hear my reasons for a decision finds them a worthy argument.

Lil and Fzzy,

I agree totally with you both on this point, and have therefore never before questioned people's decision to abstain from sex before marriage.

However, watching these two particular young women on TV made me worry for them. They really seemed to have reached their decision for the wrong reasons. They were so focussed on trying to ensure that the man they slept with was not going to up and leave them in the morning, that I felt as though their fears about that might actually cloud their judgement in a relationship.

I also worried that they would be totally unprepared for the complications and implications that a sexual relationship bring and those complications may even jeopardise their relationships with their future husbands.

I suppose my reason for starting this thread is to reassure myself that there are people out there who make this decision, not from fear but from a more positive and healthy perspective.

[Steph]

Some of my friends waited a looooong time before losing their virginity and I respect them for that but I was a gigantic hormone and couldn't wait.

Leave it to WI to have the most complex car analogy ever!

[WildIrish]

Originally posted by Steph
Leave it to WI to have the most complex car analogy ever!

Only because I didn't wanna be graphic!

I'm beginning to see why PF gives you such a hard time! Your meatless ways make you cranky!

[dreamgurl]

I will be the odd one out, I am planing on staying a virgin until i get married, but those plans may change with the right guy. it's not an emotional thing, it's not a moral thing, i just would personaly feel guilty about having to tell my husband i'm sorry you weren't the first. it's not that i think having it before hand is bad, everyone has their own view. i've seen what happens and i don't want any of that. i suppose i would find it tempting if i ever had a date, but when i was with my boyfriend from awhile it wasn't a problem, i was like look i'm not doing anything till i'm ready it might be with you it might not, if you don't like it get out, he did and i find it's a lot better without him. and that will end my rambling for the day

[maddy]

Good for you dreamgurl... I'm one of those women as well... Yes, 29, and staring 30 in the face, I'm still a virgin. I have hormones and they rage, but I take care of them on my own rather than have "meaningless" sex. For me sex is more than an act - it's acting upon emotion, and I want to be sure that I have the emotions for that person. I know the value in sex for the pure pleasure of sex - pure, raw, unemotional sex... but I still want to have that with the person I love... not someone I met at a club.

I can't say I will be a virgin when I marry (if I marry) - but until the right guy comes along :)

[hntr74]

What's wrong with wanting your car with as few miles as possible and fresh off of the NEW side of the lot??!

Nobody wants a used klunker and NOTHING beats that new car feeling that comes fully equipped with warranty backed dependability.

I'd take a brand new Lexus over an old ragged klunker anyday.


But, personally, I don't think it matters rather or not the person you are involved with has had sex or not... But as for me and mine, I will have the honor and priveledge of telling my husband, "Baby, I saved myself for you and you only...Now, Take me!"

[cbass1976]

i need a test drive before i buy

[Mercury_Maniac]

i sure as hell want to have sex before marriage

[Loren]

Originally posted by Loulabelle
I was watching something on TV recently about women who'd decided not to have sex before marriage.

Quite frankly, I thought their reasons were somewhat misguided and I was worried that their motivation for remaining celibate hinted at their emotional insecurities and a certain level of immaturity, rather than because of any deep seated moral belief.

So I was wondering, what others' views are: does anyone here believe in celibacy before marriage? Is anyone here planning on remaining a virgin before they wed?

If so, what are your reasons? Do you find it difficult to stick with your decision? Have you ever been tempted? Perhaps you used to believe in celibacy before marriage, but have since changed your mind?

Enquiring minds want to know! :D

My take on it: Anyone who remains a virgin until their wedding night in our society has some fairly serious problems about sex. I would not want to marry such a person.

[Vigil]

The path to an emotionally compatible sexual relationship - rather than "meaningless sex" is a different one for me to the path to the altar.

I would find it very odd to have developed the emotional relationship in which sex would then be the wholly natural action only to be told that this was off the menu until the wedding night.

It' love and marriage - not sex and marriage. I always felt that female virginity was the vestige of a patriarchal system for the benefit of men not women.

About my 3 cents.

[ChinesePussy]

so do you mean virgin won't masturate at all? or are you telling me you can masturbate but you won't have sex with a man ??? hehehheheh :D

[Loulabelle]

Originally posted by maddy
Good for you dreamgurl... I'm one of those women as well... Yes, 29, and staring 30 in the face, I'm still a virgin. I have hormones and they rage, but I take care of them on my own rather than have "meaningless" sex. For me sex is more than an act - it's acting upon emotion, and I want to be sure that I have the emotions for that person. I know the value in sex for the pure pleasure of sex - pure, raw, unemotional sex... but I still want to have that with the person I love... not someone I met at a club.

I can't say I will be a virgin when I marry (if I marry) - but until the right guy comes along :)

Please remember that there is a happy median between being a 'slut' and being a 'saint'.

I've never been married and am not a virgin, but likewise I've never engaged in casual sex.

I don't believe that you only love once, because I personally have been in love on more than one occasion.

I can honestly say that all of my sexual experiences have been with people I've loved very deeply and I have never regretted sleeping with any man.

However, I would have deeply regretted marrying the first man I loved enough to sleep with.

[Loren]

Originally posted by Loulabelle
Please remember that there is a happy median between being a 'slut' and being a 'saint'.


Exactly. There's a middle ground. That's where I am.

[ChinesePussy]

Originally posted by Loulabelle

However, I would have deeply regretted marrying the first man I loved enough to sleep with.

Exactly , I agree with you 100%

[maddy]

I didn't mean to suggest that I will wait til marriage, but merely I haven't been in love ... I agree you can love more than one person in a lifetime, or even at one time. I just haven't been so blessed... or maybe I'm just too darn picky :)

[denny]

I suscribe to sex before, during and after marriage. Don't waste time on nonsense, Pixies.

[Wicked Wanda]

Virginity...
I lost mine at an early age, and I don't regret that or what I have done since. By most standards I am a "slut" and I have already made my feelings clear on that word in other postings.
I love sex.
I took me time to learn to please my partners, a lot of experimentation, and a lot variety.
I was married once, it was a disaster, and not because I had already had a lot of sex partners, but because hubby didn't keep his pants zipped, or even use protection.
The comment made in this thread earlier about "used klunkers" is a very hostile thing to say about women, in my opinion, no matter who says it.
I hope I am not over -reacting again, but I still feel even in Pixie's a certain hostility towards sexually adventurous women, even from other women.
The double standard is alive and well.
There are some women and men who make the decision not to have sex until marriage for personal reasons that are very valid.
But there are people, women AND men, I have seen and heard who lord this decision over others. Possibly give themselves a sense of moral superiority? I have seen men and women in TV interviews who say that even masterbation is wrong, and "selfish" and have even said it is a hostile act!!!
It is a small step to take the jump to "sex is only for procreation, never for pleasure", and maybe an even smaller step for those people to decide that what is good for them is right for everyone else too.
Please remember that there are still people out there who are not just pro-abstainance, but would like to see us return to the time were it was ILLEAGLE to use birth control!!!
Please don't jump all over me for this statement, look it up !!!
I am currently working towards my Master's in Nursing, and my recent research has been alarming to say the least.
As a Nurse and as a woman, I have always been a huge fan of Margaret Sanger, who championed the right of women to have access to birth control, and was arrested and imprisoned for this DURING THE TWENTIETH CENTURY!!!
As recently as the Seventies, it was illeagle in several states to prescibe birth control to unmarried women!!!!
If for personal, private reasons, woman or man, you decide to remain celibate, then enjoy your life! But beware of those who push this decision on others.

Wanda

[nikanik]

<------- Gives a standing ovation to Wicked Wanda. You said it perfectly. A very close friend of mine waited and said that being unsatisfied in bed turned him into a cheat and is the main reason he is divorced now.

[Irish]

I've said it before & I'll say it again-Different strokes,for different folks!My wife & I weren't celibate at marriage,got married at 21,&
have been married 39yrs today.That doesn't mean that it will work for everyone.I,ve always said that marriage is like fishing.
You have your "catch & release" & you have your "keepers".Every
person has faults,that the other doesn't like.You have to weigh
the pros & cons,to decide on a "keeper". Irish
P.S.Just my $.02.I'm not a relationship expert,I just play one on TV