Alarming Statistics... Marriage & Divorce..

[jennaflower]

More people are getting divorced, more kids are living with single parents and more grandparents are playing a mother or father role for their grandkids. Following are statistics and facts about marriage that use the most recent available data.

MARRIAGE

— Fifty percent of first marriages will end in divorce, according to the latest U.S. Census Bureau (search) projections, taken in 2002.

— Men and women have slightly different track records with divorce. As of 1995, about 50 percent of first marriages for men under age 45 may end in divorce; between 44 and 52 percent of women's first marriages may end in divorce for that age group.

— The likelihood of a divorce (search) is lowest for men and women over age 60. Thirty-six percent of men and 32 percent of women in that age group may get divorced from their first spouse by the end of their lives.

— As many as 50 percent of people in their early forties may be divorced from their first spouse.

— Within five years of marriage, about 10 percent of first-time married couples will likely divorce.

— In 1970, the median age for a first marriage was 21 for women and 23 for men. By 2000, that number had risen to 25 for women and 27 for men.

— The proportion of never-married women ages 20 to 24 doubled between 1970 and 2000, increasing from 36 percent to 73 percent. Among men this age, the share rose from 55 percent to 84 percent. Women ages 30-34 who were never married tripled during that time, from 6 percent to 22 percent. Men this age who never married grew from 9 percent to 30 percent.

— By the age 35, about 74 percent of men and women have been married; by age 65, 95 percent have been.

— Marriage is the model type of living arrangement for people aged 25-34. In 2000, 50 percent of men and 57 percent of women this age were married and living with their spouse

MARRIAGE AND KIDS

— Seven in 10 of the nation's 72.3 million children under 18 lived with two parents in 2002.

— Children under 15 represented 84 percent of the 49.7 million kids under 18 living with two parents in 2002. Of these, about 11 million lived with stay-at-home moms and 189,999 with stay-at-home dads.

— Three in 10 children under 18 were living with their single father and their dad's unmarried partner in 2002; only 1 in 10 kids who lived with their single mother shared the home with the mom's unmarried partner. In 1996, about 5 percent of all children lived with unmarried parents and their parent's partner.

— Two-fifths of unmarried couple households included children under 18 years old in 2000.

— In 1980, 77 percent of all children under 18 lived with two parents; 73 percent did in 1990 and 69 percent did by 2000.

— By 2000, about 5 percent of the nation's children — 4 million — were living in a grandparent's home; only 14 percent of that number had both a mother and father living with them.

Sources: The U.S Census Bureau, National Vital Statistics Reports at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention





Does anyone else find the numbers alarming? Is this just an indication of the decline of the US as a whole?

[PantyFanatic]

yep and no :(






















And that's the way it is, May 15, 2004!;)

[Gilly]

Well, my kids are all living with both parents, and we've made it just shy of our 6 year mark for marriage. Neither of us can see a divorce any where in the next 4 years, at the very least. We don't really fight, at all. Sure, we bicker now and then, but it's little things that are resolved easily, and usually only come about when one of us had a rough day. We miss each other when we aren't around each other for a day, or over night. In the past 6 years, there have only been 3 occasions when it was nessecary for us to spend more than 1 day apart from each other. 1 was the week before our wedding, when I was down preparing at my mom's and he had to work up here still. The other two were both the only 2 times that he has been sent away for work to Chicago.

Quite honestly, I can say without any doubt, that we are fairly well in sync with each other. :)

[osuche]

I am one of those women in the 25-29 age bracket who have never been married. I do live with a man, and have been with him for 10 years. We have both been a bit "gun shy" of marriage because we didn't want to become a divorce statistic.

My parents divorced when Iw as young, and it was a terrible experience for me. His parents did not divorce, but fought constantly and bitterly. Our experience has made us wary of marriage.

I see marriage as important when one wants to have children, but less important before then. Currently I am still trying to "figure out" if he is "the one" and I won't marry him until I am certain.

[Gilly]

Ok, quick question, osuche... make that two.. first, what does your nick name mean? :p

Second, if you've been with him for 10 years, how is it you are unsure if he is the one? I don't mean that to sound like it's bad or anything, I just personally can't see that after 10 years, I still wouldn't know.

Either way, good luck in your life. I agree, though, marriage isn't a nessecary evil (or good). With kids, if the two people are still together afterwards, and plan to be for quite a while, I would suggest Marriage as the best option, but again, we live in fairly free times, so I don't think it's mandatory, or that there's anything wrong in not doing it.

[osuche]

LOL. Lame nickname... "Ohio State University CHemical Engineer"

OK...now you know I'm a nerd. :D

Now onto the other question.... My S/O and I met a week after I turned 18. We've changed a helluva lot in the past 10 years, and become "real people." I wanted to be sure that we continued to get along through all the major life changes. The change rate has slowed down now that we both have jobs, own a home, and are reasonably settled -- but only on the past year or two. Also, I wanted to be certain that the way we approached problems -- and their solutions -- was compatible with a long-term state like marriage.

Second, we've had some issues with our families over the years (family is key to both of us). I am Catholic, and he is Hindu and from India. This created some friction in terms of acceptance in the family, belief systems, how to raise kids, etc. It took several years to work these issues out.

Third, I've had to get comfortable with "me" and the idea of being life-long committed to another person. I've learned that I had to love myself and have a "life plan" before I could be truly happy and comfortable with another. I've found (via the school of hard knocks) that another person CANNOT make you happy -- you have to make yourself happy. Until I felt comfortable with me, it didn't make sense to get married. I don't see marriage as a salve that can cure self-esteem or personal issues. It's taken me years to get to the point that I can honestly say I "like" myself.

Am I ready now? Well, I am certainly closer to being ready than I have ever been. But it's been a process....and hopefully the result will be a happy and long marriage much like Irish and Dicksbro experience.

But only time will tell....

Gilly, thanks for your question. Hope the answer gives you some insight about "osuche" ~ the approach works for me, but admittedly wouldn't work for everyone.

[Gilly]

:D That does give me some better insight, Ohio State University CHemical Engineer! ;)

[dicksbro]

It is concerning, I think, that so many who enter into a relationship in anticipation of a life together ... find that isn't possible.

Makes me feel very lucky, indeed. In June, my wife and I will celebrate our 41st anniversary ... and I can honestly say, I've never wished for any other as my partner.

Of course it helps that she's a saint and can put up with me. ;)

[lakritze]

It just tells me that more people are waking up and asking,What am I doing with this person? It proves what I have begun to suspect, the only possible reason to get married is, you have found your soul mate and best friend.

[Irish]

Quick synopsis of my $.02.I have noticed,that older generations
take things more seriously.It's ALOT easier to quit,then it is to make the effort to make things work.Marriage vows say "For Better or Worse"!That doesn't mean that you QUIT when every-
thing isn't right.Example:My Wife & I,have been married for 39yrs.
BOTH of our daughters are already divorced.I can understand it,
with our youngest daughter.Her ex really changed for the worse.
We can't understand it,with our oldest daughter.Her ex was not only a good friend of mine,but also a workout partner.It's NONE of
our business anyway.A good parent,is there if needed,but minds
their own business!It's hardest on their children.They each have
two(2).This doesn't fit EVERY situation! Irish

[Lilith]

Not all of the younger generation mind you....going on 17 years in June. Sure we have hard times, but we decided 17 years ago that we would manage those times together. It's about choices and being responsible for the choices you make. I believe in marriage but I also believe in divorce, in cases where someone is being harmed.

I think the problem comes when people divorce because "they are not happy" with that person. The truth is that often those are people who are not happy with themselves let alone anyone else. So they move on and often end up in the same situation again when the next person does not make them happy.

Years ago for every 2 people there was 1 or 2 (max) marriages between them. Now often people have had 2 or 3 marriages each when they are getting married. This raises the divorce rate dramatically. If instead of 1 marriage peeps are having 2 or 3, of course the divorce rate is increasing. Many people are serial monogamists now days.

[Scarecrow]

I think that the stats will say what ever you want them to. My mom was married 5 times and her last husband 4 times(they were married to each other for over 20 yrs.) My mom and dad were married 17yrs and had 5 children. Some people just can not live together.

[Slow Ride]

two things......................

(1) I am in that age group...........and I'm divorced........I have twins 15 yrs old..........my Daughter lives with me and my Son is with his Mom,,,,,,,,,,,,but , I'n trying to get him as well


(2) I never would have pictured osuche as a nerd:p

J/K she's a beauty

[GingerV]

You know, I've heard this before...the idea that people just don't want to work through the hard times any more. I think it's true, to a point. But I think we're seeing a couple of different trends here. It may be that people are taking the easy road and getting out too soon.....but back in my mom's and g'mas days, the easy thing to do was to stay in a marriage no matter how miserable it made you. Divorce then was too damned hard.

Marriage is a big thing, it can hold you up or tear you down. And I think that if it's a wrong one, if you jumped in too fast, or just if people changed along the way....the worst thing you can do is stay together. Hell, I firmly believe the worst 5 words in the English language are "staying together for the kids." Anyone who's actually BEEN a kid of miserable parents KNOWS it's not good for the kids.

So yeah, folks are jumping in too fast...and possibly giving up too soon. I'm taking my time, personally, my grandparents are having their 60th wedding anniversary this year....and I wouldn't hate getting into those numbers myself. But honestly, I prefer the current balance of marriage to divorce to one where people HAD to stay in something that was smothering them.

G

[Lilith]

I agree with you as well GingerV...I think there are many reasons peeps make the choices they make. I was referring to a small class of peeps. I hate the idea of people staying somewhere that they are miserable as well.

[Irish]

In one of my FIRST 90day programs for stopping alcohol addiction,
there was a couple(with children)that visited,each other,on week-
ends.They were strictly monogamous & had been married,to each other.They got divorced but still lived together because of money
reasons!That was(approx)30 yrs ago & I still remember the impact,that it had on me!Life is strange.You go with whatever is financially best for you.Many times,the current laws,hurt more then help. Irish

[Lilith]

You know Irish...you are correct about $$ being a factor at times. Mr. Lil and I joke all the time that if we would just get divorced my schooling would be free.

[huntersgirl]

Maybe in your state Lilith, but definitely not here. When I first seperated from my ex, I was hoping to get some help going back to school, so I could support my son and my then unborn baby independantly. The resources stank to say the least. Due to child support that I receive which is just a measly $160.00 per week btw...I am ineligable for any state funded programs. I was eligable for financial aid and loans, but by my calculations, I would have been completely in the hole and unable to sustain child care expenses etc... while I was in school. The loans wouldn't have needed to be repaid until I graduated but then more than half of my expected salary would have gone to loan payments, not leaving nearly enough for a car payment and general living expenses. I know that sacrifices have to be made to reach certain goals, but as a single income family it would have been nearly impossible for me. There are job help/ training programs in my state to help people get off welfare, but my income also made me ineligable for those! I wasn't looking for a handout mind you, but I wanted to explore my options. After working pretty much non stop from the age of 15, I figured that I wasn't a slacker and deserved some help. But that isn't the way things work here.

[imaginewithme]

We just celebrated our 8th anniversary, but have been together for 15 years....I was 16....no way we could get married that young and I wouldn't move in wiht him when he got his own place too.....I wanted to be married to him. We are the best of friends so I believe that helps us thru the hard and trying times. Oh yeah, we have plenty...but the friendship helps us work things out. We have no children, which is my body's fault, and that is heartaching to me that I can't give him a child that he deserves, but he is great about all of it. So yes, marriage is hard but you have to want to work at it and I think so many people just fight and say "oh well, it's not worth it".

[Scarecrow]

Oh yea I forgot to mention that I've been married 28yrs.

[Lilith]

Originally posted by huntersgirl
Maybe in your state Lilith, but definitely not here. When I first seperated from my ex, I was hoping to get some help going back to school, so I could support my son and my then unborn baby independantly. The resources stank to say the least. Due to child support that I receive which is just a measly $160.00 per week btw...I am ineligable for any state funded programs. I was eligable for financial aid and loans, but by my calculations, I would have been completely in the hole and unable to sustain child care expenses etc... while I was in school. The loans wouldn't have needed to be repaid until I graduated but then more than half of my expected salary would have gone to loan payments, not leaving nearly enough for a car payment and general living expenses. I know that sacrifices have to be made to reach certain goals, but as a single income family it would have been nearly impossible for me. There are job help/ training programs in my state to help people get off welfare, but my income also made me ineligable for those! I wasn't looking for a handout mind you, but I wanted to explore my options. After working pretty much non stop from the age of 15, I figured that I wasn't a slacker and deserved some help. But that isn't the way things work here.

I would be eligible for a Pell grant.But morally/ethically I can't do it.

[Coach Knight]

Allright, I guess I will weigh in with the change in my pocket.

Personally, I understand divorce and why some people get divorced, BUT ... I also think many people enter marriage today, knowing that is always an option and children who come from divorce are at much higher risk of getting divorced themselves.

But, marriage is not the white gown and the big party and the honeymoon. That's a week. Marriage is the ups and downs and knowing the difference between a "down" and an "out" are very important.

Marriages don't just go through bad weeks or months, sometimes they go through bad years. Ask a senior who has been married 50+ years and see if they ever had any tough times in their marriage. If they don't say yes, either there is little passion or they are damn lucky.

Staying together for the kids is also not the best move, BUT, it should make the decision process all the more important.When you decide to divorce, you are agreeing to breaking up a family and you'd better be damn sure it's EXACTLY the right thing to do.

That's my opinion, not saying it's right.

[Irish]

That's why,in MOST instances,I can't see the reason for signing,
those pre-marriage agrements.I can't think of their name offhand.If you doubt your relationship,that much,as far as I'm
concerned,you shouldn't be getting married!It's almost like
admitting that the marriage is going to fail,before it is given a
chance! Irish
P.S.I'm sure that many disagree with me,but thats my $.02.

[Vigil]

You can't argue with the stats and a similar thing is being seen in the UK.

Generally people are getting married later and yet their marriages still aren't lasting. This seems somewaht odd to me, though in the UK the State does provide a very good safety net.

I think that something like 90% of divorces are put to our courts by the female partner.