CunningLinguist
06-06-2004, 10:54 PM
First, a confession I have been behaving like a jackass. No, seriously I have not posted a single thing worth while here on Pixie's or so it seems.
I have just come in here and posted my rants and moaned about my fate, and well that is fine enough. I have shat upon the good advice of people here and well gained the disfavor of many people here.
The fact is that I am a very sad and lonely man. Just a shell of my former glory and what is even more sad is that I am only 25 y/o.
But I ahve let my emotions ge the best of me and kept dwelling on things of the past and refusing to think of my future. The simple fact of the matter is that I have spent so much time brooding over my state, and seeking the advice of others and shooting it down, that I never stopped to really consider what it is I really want to do!
The fact is once I sat down and realized what I wanted careeerwise, I realized that I don't have to be an engineer to be happy. I just wanted to work one job, 40 hours a week and still be able to support myself. I then realized I have that now, but only for the next 6 months and well asking the gods for job security would be pushing it (after all I've also been bull-headed enough to tell Eris* to shut her pie hole).
I then sat down and contemplated my love life. I came to the realization that I have friends that really love me, and they must really do becuase they ahve to put up with this shit on an even more intense and constant basis than any Pixie with the exception of Succubus Kitty who I know in RL. I have family that loves me in their own misguided way even if they realize I am going to shame them by doing nothing with my life but contemplating the human condition and never having kids. Heck, I even managed to get some goddess of chaos to give me special favor even if she thinks I have horrible taste in women.
I basically contemplated, the need for human love, and I realized that this particular problem is whats causing all the conflict in my mind. I have the type of mindset that I want to love everyone freely and openly, but sadly I still buy into the bullshit that I have to seek out so called "normal" relationships, become a husband, have children, etc.
I am to love everyone, after all that is what Christ would do so why should I limit my full attnetion and consider one perosn above all else forsaking all others?
Is it for the sex? Well no, I don't see any particular reason why sexual relationships should be limited to jsut one person. Sure, I see a problem with promiscutiy especially if it will lead to hurt emotions, but if everyone is consenting and everyone is emotionally mature to handle it, then why not have an orgy!
Heh, so I am crazy. Then again I seem to be in pretty good company. All great revolutionaries were sexual deviants why should I be any different?
This issue is just one I ahve to work out on my own, but then again I don't see why I have to go into celibacy either until I find true love. Even if it will draw some criticism from gods and mortals alike.
Anyways, long story short. I have decided to live my life for me for a change. About time I did. I tried to live my life to please others and how others said I should live it, but now I ammoving out, living on my own and when the job runs out I don't know where I am going to go, but that's part of the fun. Who knows I may get off my ass and try living in another country and pass myself off as a Argentinian with German heritage.
I do have to apologize though. I used this place as a place to vent my anger at my life, and well I will not be doing that anymore. In the future you will either see a kinder, gentler Cunning Linguist or an invisible one who may decide to wirte erotic fan fiction when he gets off his ass or gets another perverted idea form his friends.
I have just come in here and posted my rants and moaned about my fate, and well that is fine enough. I have shat upon the good advice of people here and well gained the disfavor of many people here.
The fact is that I am a very sad and lonely man. Just a shell of my former glory and what is even more sad is that I am only 25 y/o.
But I ahve let my emotions ge the best of me and kept dwelling on things of the past and refusing to think of my future. The simple fact of the matter is that I have spent so much time brooding over my state, and seeking the advice of others and shooting it down, that I never stopped to really consider what it is I really want to do!
The fact is once I sat down and realized what I wanted careeerwise, I realized that I don't have to be an engineer to be happy. I just wanted to work one job, 40 hours a week and still be able to support myself. I then realized I have that now, but only for the next 6 months and well asking the gods for job security would be pushing it (after all I've also been bull-headed enough to tell Eris* to shut her pie hole).
I then sat down and contemplated my love life. I came to the realization that I have friends that really love me, and they must really do becuase they ahve to put up with this shit on an even more intense and constant basis than any Pixie with the exception of Succubus Kitty who I know in RL. I have family that loves me in their own misguided way even if they realize I am going to shame them by doing nothing with my life but contemplating the human condition and never having kids. Heck, I even managed to get some goddess of chaos to give me special favor even if she thinks I have horrible taste in women.
I basically contemplated, the need for human love, and I realized that this particular problem is whats causing all the conflict in my mind. I have the type of mindset that I want to love everyone freely and openly, but sadly I still buy into the bullshit that I have to seek out so called "normal" relationships, become a husband, have children, etc.
I am to love everyone, after all that is what Christ would do so why should I limit my full attnetion and consider one perosn above all else forsaking all others?
Is it for the sex? Well no, I don't see any particular reason why sexual relationships should be limited to jsut one person. Sure, I see a problem with promiscutiy especially if it will lead to hurt emotions, but if everyone is consenting and everyone is emotionally mature to handle it, then why not have an orgy!
Heh, so I am crazy. Then again I seem to be in pretty good company. All great revolutionaries were sexual deviants why should I be any different?
This issue is just one I ahve to work out on my own, but then again I don't see why I have to go into celibacy either until I find true love. Even if it will draw some criticism from gods and mortals alike.
Anyways, long story short. I have decided to live my life for me for a change. About time I did. I tried to live my life to please others and how others said I should live it, but now I ammoving out, living on my own and when the job runs out I don't know where I am going to go, but that's part of the fun. Who knows I may get off my ass and try living in another country and pass myself off as a Argentinian with German heritage.
I do have to apologize though. I used this place as a place to vent my anger at my life, and well I will not be doing that anymore. In the future you will either see a kinder, gentler Cunning Linguist or an invisible one who may decide to wirte erotic fan fiction when he gets off his ass or gets another perverted idea form his friends.