Opinions and Family Afairs

[Eliza]

Okay..first off..I am not in anyway trying to start a political thread. But my problem rises from a political issue. And um...This may be long winded..bear with me...*taking a page from Lixy's book*

A little background...(again..what follows is my opinion....not intended to start issues) I am a supporter of John Kerry. A cousin of mine is one of your typical "holy roller" bible beater Christians, who has based her opinion on who should run our country by religion. One man says "I'm a Christian" and she's going to vote for him. (After her husband tells her he's the best candidate..NOT after she's researched the issues)

I absolutely respect her right to have her opinions...and would defend her right to religious freedom. However...I too am a Christian. I happen to differ in the things I feel are right. (I may lead more toward spiritualist...but still..am based in Christianity.) For instance..Gay Marriage... I don't see a thing wrong with it.

So...when we get together...I keep my mouth shut because I will not debate with her. I do not see the point. Again..respecting her opinions... It's gone on and on..and she's gotten pushier and pushier.... Finally today I started getting emails from her...and someone I didn't even know. They were having a debate over politics and religion. The other person was saying everything I've ever wanted to say to her. But damn... she forwarded these emails to everyone in her stinkin address book! And attacking Kerry and his beliefs. And praising Mr. Bush.

I felt personally attacked. And was getting madder with each Email. Basicly I felt as if I was being told that as Mr. Kerry believes in all these "bad things"... (gay marriage... a woman's right to choose... stem cell research...) I therefore was wrong...and sinfull as well. I felt judged. Which...my heart tells me is wrong to do...to anyone!

I lashed out and responded. Telling her how I've been feeling. And telling her I support her right to her opinion. But I didn't share it. And I expect not to be attacked. I tried to make it clear that I still love her...but I was hurt and angry and asked if she please not send me anymore of these emails. I've kept my mouth shut for so long for the family's sake. (everyone else is fed up too...My Uncle can't even sit down after working all day and enjoy a beer without her clucking her tongue) But I just couldn't take it anymore. I feel bad though. I don't want this to come between us. Should I have kept silent and endured? Or did I do the right thing?

[FallenAngel5]

I've endured the same things, being a member of the Democratic Party, and my best friend is a Bible-beating Republican. I think that you did the right thing by not falling to her level and attacking her beliefs as well, just stated how you felt as a result of her actions. I get the feeling that she may be offended by your comments at first, but I think that your relationship with her will be better in the long run. No one deserves to be attacked in such a way, even indirectly.

[Lilith]

To me it's not about whether what you did is right or wrong but about what you can live with. I am in an extremely similar situation and have yet to tell the family members to knock it the hell off. That does not mean I don't want to. In my case I find it extremely disrespectful because they are aware I have differing views. Nothing wrong with asking her to cease.

[PantyFanatic]

Having not taken Smoozing 101, I can advise things that your diplomats and psychologists won’t. :rolleyes:

Once I have identified an irritant in my e-mail, I say a thank you that it is not a face to face that can not be easily turned off and rely on my trusty DELETE key. :D

If I find it is from a source that is also irritating, (not just their message) I have no misgivings in replying with a VERY short message that will not allow me to be sucked into a debate.
Something like, “Please remove this address from any future messages containing this CRAP.” :cool:

Only when I have the quandary, like your situation, will I try to make my point and keep my friend. I will do the grammatical evil of putting two subjects in the same paragraphs to state my feelings about the subject and go right into something that will pull the person to me.
Maybe say, “Because our friendship is more important than my different prospective, I’d like NOT to be included on these topics from now on. Joshua Redman is going to be in town at the Bop Stop next Monday night for just two shows. I want to run over for the 22:30 show and grab a couple drinks. We are over due for a visit to the Hot Dog Inn so eat a light dinner.;) LOL Let me know if you can make it.”


Now you have everything including my what not to do, Eliza. :) lmao Go straighten them out. ;)

[fzzy]

My opinion (for what it's worth) .... only when you have the right to express your opinion openly in approximately equal measure is it an equal type relationship, so if you truly want to have a fairly close relationship with her, then the only way to do so is allowing yourself to express your beliefs, or at least the right to request that she express her beliefs less often and less forcefully. Having done that, the ball is now in her court to decide if she cares for you and respects you enough to hear what you say and behave accordingly. Hope it smooths over quickly and that things are better once that has happened!

[Sharni]

I'd have told her straight *LOL*...but then thats me....tend not to hold much back...if ya irritating me ya gonna know about it....dont care who ya are

[LixyChick]

LOL@ "taking a page from Lixy's book"!

For what it's worth hun, I think you did the right thing. Though I don't know her stand on any of the issues mentioned (just that she believes what "her party" believes), political muckraking should be left up to the pros and diplomacy should be practiced within a family situation when it's seen that "never the twain shall meet" or agree. That she can't keep her cool and voice her opinions without personal attack on whomever she talks with has left her open game for any retaliation she encounters. If the rest of the family doesn't follow through and let her know that she is driving you all mad, then at least you'll have a breather till the vote is over!

Irritating as it may be, I take these kinds of situations as learning experiences. Nine times out of ten I find that the one to whom I am in disagreement with doesn't really know all that much of what he/she speaks, and I learn more about my opposing point of view in the process.

[BigBear57]

I think it's a shame people close to us want to judge us by our opinions. I mean if you're so morally inclined why judge me at all? Isn't that immoral? I'd have probalbly done the same thing you did. There's no use getting all worked up trying to discuss issues with a closed mind. Informed people discuss, uninformed people argue when they're faced with the unknown and then they make it personal. Definitely a no win situation.

[jseal]

Bigbear57,

One of the most powerful tools we have to develop your opinions of others is to listen to what they say. Unfortunately, sometimes they say things we find distasteful. As a civilized soul, you valued familial peace highly. Familial peace is not the only value. There are occasions when we must say “enough”.

When someone sends unsolicited emails or snail mails extolling one politician over another, then he or she is acting as an agent for “their” politician. You have every right in the world to say to any – or every – agent of a politician “thanks, but no thanks”.

You were, if anything, overly generous to her. You are as entitled to your opinions as she is of hers. Letting her know that this is a conversation with her you wish to avoid will help to reduce to a minimum the total familial friction. If you do not discuss it, you cannot fight about it. While it may not be any kind of a win situation, you’ll salvage most by limiting your losses.

Just be sure to not let some comment slip which may reopen that Pandora’s Box.

[Oldfart]

No-one noticed yet?

Half the problems (at least) in the Middle East can be traced back to religious intolerance.

The idea that it's not intolerance if the ideaholder is right is unpalatable, and wrong.

They must at some time accept that difference of opinion is not a sufficient cause for

conflict.

[Eliza]

Thank you guys. I feel better.

I did get a return Email. And she just didn't hear a word I said. Went on and on in her preaching and totally missed my point. I'm at a loss. I'm gonna talk with my Mom before I say anything else to her. Right now I'm afraid I'll completely blow up. And that will get me no where.

But thank all of you for your replies. Good to know I'm not off the mark here.

Eliza

[BlondeCurlGirl]

I feel your pain, Eliza. My immediate family and I are the only dems in an extended family who can't find enough ways to attack us for supporting a candidate and party with "immoral" and "sinful" views on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. :P I find it immature and disrespectful to not acknowledge that I am free to have my own opinions and find it necessary to preach and attack my beliefs.

I certainly don't agree with their candiate or party's issues, but I certainly respect their right to an opinion and could never imagine acting the same.

((Eliza)) I totally understand how you feel! As my late grandmother (and one of the other few in the family who was not this way) wisely said, "never discuss religion and politics with your family!"

[scotzoidman]

No surprise to me that you didn't get thru to her...nothing quite so persistant, & irritating, as one who sure they are right, & they've got God on their side, so you better by God listen to their pointless points of view...I seem to atract these people, like bugs who fly in my face & annoy me with their constant buzzing :P my mother, God rest her soul, wasted her last years on earth trying to convince me how totally evil & wrong all Dems are & how right the Republicans are...& refused to hear me say I didn't want to argue with her about it...damn I wish I was a drinking man sometimes...