I Fell Down and Maybe Broke Something

[LarryL]

I don't know why I'm writing this other than I have closer internet friends than others. I just want to get a few things out guys. It will help me make sense of things.

I was just released from a psych ward for a nervous breakdown. The truth is, I was planning my suicide by researching lethal doses of prescription drugs I could fill and save until the proper potentcy was reached.. I was writing a sucide note, and I was 85% certain I could have done it with three weeks.

I have major depressive disorder and my meds totally stopped working. I fell apart in more pieces than ever before. Even today, I cry two or three times and I don't know why. If I let myself relax for just a second, there is such overwhelming sadness I just cry.
In therapy, I regressed to early, early childhood and reclaimed three abusive and tramic events. I had no flipping idea that was in there. What the hell else is in there?

I really don't know what is happening to me and why now. Shit, I'll be 53 in two months. Why have childhood flashbacks of abuse now?

I don't know why I told you this except that some of you have become very special to me. I guess I just want you to know that I'm struggling and could use a lot of hugs. (God, I'm such a girl.)

Love-Starved and Proud to Call You Friends,
Larry

[MilkToast]

Larry.... I can not say that I know how you feel, though I have an idea about feeling shitty right about now myself... if a hug will help then I am sure that you have come to the right place. Keep an eye out for the good things as well... they sure as heck can make a difference!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((LarryL))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Lilith]

Larry....I'm trying to find words. But having recently been left by someone I love who decided to die, I fear anything I say will sound selfish. You can not believe that there are no worthy days ahead. Is not the joy from one of those days or even one of those moments worth fighting for? I understand you are not equipped to make a good decision when your depression takes hold and you need to remember that. Why are you remembering things now???? I believe it is because despite your suicidal tendencies, something in your life has made NOW a safe time to explore those issues. While the memories are new to you the incidence are old....it's not the incident you are dealing with (you did that long ago by blocking it to protect yourself) it's memories...and memories have only the power we give them, they can not harm you.

Shit Larry...I know it seems bad but hang on. If I am wrong...and when you are 75, if there have not been worthy moments/days, I will give you one :better:

(((((((((((((((((LarryL)))))))))))))))))))

[Midnight Kiss]

I am so sorry for all that is troubling you and wish there was more I could do to help but for now
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Larry)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I hope things get better for you soon.

[flutelady]

Larry, I'm so sorry about all the shit on your plate right now. I'm thankful that you're still here with us, and that you're getting the help you need. I'm impressed by your open candor, and am grateful to be among a group you feel at home with.

My prayers are with you, that you'll continue to improve and to find some much needed peace of mind. We're all here for you, I hope you know that.

(((((Larry)))))


(Ya know what? There's nothing wrong with "being a girl", it's way ok to cry and you can have all the hugs you want!)

[RandyGal]

Life can be such a challenge sometimes. I'm so sorry to hear that it has gotten so overwhelming for you lately.
Like Lilith, the words are tough to find in this situation.....
what I see is that so far, right now, you've chosen and ARE still here, with the world. If you can continue breaking it down to hour by hour, then day by day.......does that relieve some of the overwhelming sadness you feel?

I see you signed off with "love starved" and that probably just adds to the feelings that you don't feel worthy to be here.....but let me tell you, for everything you've experienced, you can be an inspiration to someone ELSE. Staying alive accomplishes that in itself....

Keep poking around till you find the right combo of meds. Feeling better may just sneak up on you when you least expect it.

I really admire your courage for putting it all out there like this. Please hold tight to this rollercoaster ride we call life, ok Larry?

[scotzoidman]

I know when the black dog comes to live with you, it seems like the pain is too much to bear, & how inviting the long nap seems to be...but however big a mess your life seems, you muist keep up the struggle, don't let the Bastard win...whether you believe it or not, there is always someone who doesn't want you to leave just yet...

[Loulabelle]

Thank-you for telling us LarryL - by entrusting us with this information, you have given us the opportunity to help you, to love you and nurture you within our 'family'.......and it's an opportunity that we will relish.

Know that we are always here for you....there is always someone out there to help, no matter what time of the day or night.

Take care of yourself, sweet heart.

Lou
x

[GingerV]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Larry))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Had to do the most important thing right off.

Second most important thing. THANK YOU!!! Thank you so very much for whatever got you away from the research and into the psych ward. Thank you for getting the help you needed to get over the crisis bump. Thank you for reaching out to us for more help. Thank you for coming back to us.

Third most important thing. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Larry))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Next....I know how you feel. Read that twice, I've been where you are. Nothing I'm about to say is guess work. I know that telling you it's going to get better sounds like noise. I know it feels that you're the only one who's ever had it JUST this bad. I know that it feels that walking away from life makes sense. I also know there's a little tiny voice in the back of your head SCREAMING ITS LUNGS OUT that this is wrong. It may not be articulate, but it's fighting for your life. It's your friend. You say you don't know why you're writing this? That voice is why. You're writing this because it's looking for the tools it needs to win for you. It wants to engage your rationanility, so its making you spell out the problem. It knows that writing is theraputic for you. That talking is theraputic for you. That here you can do both at the same time. It knows that if you write and talk here, friends are going to come piling out of the woodwork, and it will have allies. And I know all of that, because my little voice was the reason I decided to play with traffic right outside the school's mental health clinic. And when it couldn't get through to me any other way, it pointed out that I couldn't be sure I'd be the only one who'd die in a crash. Then it only had to get me another block, and through a very difficult door. But it did it. Where the hell else would they have been able to deal with someone who stepped up the to the desk and handed over her keys saying, "I don't think I should have these right now." I know exactly what the temptations are, and I know when you're in that space they make sense. I also know that they are wrong.

At this point, everything's important...so this is just the next thing. And the next thing is repeating that last sentence over and over until my fingers fall off. They're wrong wrong wrong. How do I know that? Chemistry, damn it. Scientific fact. Larry, Hon, your brain just aint working right at the minute. Accept that. I can tell you specifically how it's not working, but that doesn't matter. Just accept your onboard computer's got a virus. If nothing else. The people who survive suicidal spells are those who let their friends keep track of truth while they recover the ability. Tell me you're hurting, and I will believe you. I will cry with you. Tell us that you are dealing with problems that you just can't carry, and we'll help shoulder them. Tell me that life can't get better, and all I can say is that I remember when I was feeling that way, and I was broken too. I was wrong, and you are wrong now. It may not feel like it, so you have to go find the person or people in life you trust. Some have God for this, I had friends. You make them the keepers of your reality for a short time. If they say life can get better, you let that be real even if it feels like letting 2+2=5 for a while. Go ahead and argue with them if it helps, but let them win. Cause right now, mentally speaking, you need to turn over your keys. Just like me, you shouldn't have them right now.

Tell me you haven't got anyone who cares about you enough to do that for you....and I KNOW you're wrong. How? Before today I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of people I'd admitted my little bout of suicidal depression to. The whole damn internet now knows my secret, and I don't care. Because there's a _chance_ you might come back and see it and use it for your own good. Just on these boards, I've seen the good, the funny, the loving and the lovable in you. I'm not the only one. Let them, and they'll show you. But I know I'm on the list of people willing to help, I've seen them above me on this thread, I'm sure more have posted while I've been scribbling, so I know it can't be no-one.

Finally. The most important thing. And I'm saying this even while I know it's likely not to make sense to you yet. It will pass. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem chosen by a damaged instrument. Anti-depressants are tricky, slippery little bastards. There are lots of reasons why your dosage may not be working now. I'm totally available to you to talk about why if you want, your doc is an even better choice. Give him/her the time he/she needs to find the new right answer. It may require talk therapy, dealing with past trauma, time, life changes, different drugs, whatever. But so help me, it will pass. It will not be easy, and it breaks my heart that that's so. I want to make it easy for you. I can't, but I can tell you it _will_ pass. And you will wake up one day, shocked to realize that rain feels good on your skin, and trees are worthy of awe, and nothing nothing nothing bad that happens to you or around you will take that away from you so completely ever again. Because you'll remember that it always comes back.

As far as the repressed memories. I don't know why now. But be fair, there never was a good time. If they're undermining your recovery by coming out, they were probably doing the same when they were under-wraps...just more sneakily. It's better to get them out. Lil's right, though. It's ok now. What happened was a long time ago, and far away. Maybe they're coming back now because you're safe, or ready, or you've just been lucky for 50 years. Maybe the subconscious respects the Government's time line for declassifying information. It doesn't matter. It happened to a different person, you've grown and changed so much. In my case, I think so much of my mental energy was being channeled into just keeping me alive, that I couldn't keep the barriers up any more. I didn't remember new trauma, but the memories of a fairly crappy childhood were more omnipresent, coming up more often, and I felt more strongly about them. But on a very real level, why doesn't matter. It happened to a different person, you've grown and changed so much. It may have influenced who you became, and knowing it consciously may help you into the person you're becoming (I don't think that kind of change ever stops. It just slows for some.). But it is happening, and I wish you the strength to handle it. You're welcome to some of mine if you need it.

Most importantly, though: ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Larry)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I wish you peace, I wish you strength, and I wish you the clarity to see just for a moment how very much you are loved.

G

[GingerV]

Oh yes, one last thing. If you're a girl, Hon, be proud ;). You're a girl who has the strength to have already lived through one of the nastiest experiences the human animal ever has. You're a girl who has the strength to admit weaknesses, and ask for help. IF you're a girl, you're a damned special one. And may his friends forgive me, if all of that makes you a girl.....there's a man I wish very much had been more of a girl not so long ago.

Gotta go wipe the tears off my comp before it fries now.

Be well, Larry. Be as well as you can right now.

G

[BigBear57]

Larry hang in there man, you've made the right decision in asking for and accepting help. I'll keep you in my prayers. Just know your Pixie's family is here for you.

[LixyChick]

((((((((((((LarryL))))))))))))))

Spell it out! Keep talking...to us and everyone within ear shot! If there is no one within ear shot...go to them!

Please hon, please know that this is only temporary! Life IS worth living and you are worth living this life! GingerV has just spilled her guts in an attempt to prove it to you. Matter of fact, anyone and everyone who replies to this thread is proof positive that no matter your state of mind now, you are worth a hug and a piece of our heart! We care! And, I've no doubt that in your real life there are many who care as well! If you opt not to live, your troubles will be over, but everyone concerned will have to bear a burden I am sure you have no intention of inflicting, but it will rest heavy on us/them just the same! The words, "I'm so glad he/she killed himself/herself" have never been spoken by the survivors of the one who does it. It's just that simple...and it may seem selfish of me to lay that on you...but damnitalltohell Larry, I don't want you to die!

Help IS out there! It may not seem like it now, but it's true! If today seems too oppressive, tomorrow may be better. If not then, then the next day. My point is...if you die you will never know what could be waiting for you right around the corner. Please don't die! Wait for the good! What goes up...must come down. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. It may take a while but it WILL happen! The good is coming and you have to be here to recieve it!

Keep talking...to us and everyone! The doc's, your family, the mailman...everyone!

((((((((((((((LarryL))))))))))))))

Please hang in there! Please don't leave us! Please get help till it actually helps! It's not you that isn't worthy...it's the combo of drugs tried thus far and there are many other combos...and one WILL work! Please keep trying till you find that combo! It'll be worth it, I promise!

((((((((((((LarryL))))))))))))))

[Grumble]

(((((((((((((((((((((((LarryL)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hey mate i know where you are because i have been there. I failed in my attempt but have no idea why. I got the help I needed and it was a long time before I crawled out of that black hole.

I know the state you get in when you have decided that the world is not worth the pain of being in it, that sense of purpose and the way things settle down but it is the turmoil of the brain and emotions because you are severely out of whack.

I have recovered from those dark days and stay on meds so i wont go back there. I had those memories come back to me in later years, I got gang raped and my mind shielded it from me for many years. I knew there was something there but it didnt come out till i was ready but it was very hard to deal with.

There are some people in my life that make it worth fighting, I have my love Curvy to look forward to and the other thing is that my family has lost both my parents and for me to follow would hurt my kids and siblings so much.

You are family Larry, so many care for you here and i am sure in the world around you. Embrace the help you are getting, keep posting here and remeber that we all are with you.

[sodaklostsoul]

(((((((((((((((Larry))))))))))))))

Everyone else has said it all, so I give you hugs (((((((((((Larry)))))))))). Sometimes getting itout in the open helps. For those that keep it inside it just festers.

((((((((((((Larry)))))))))))))

[imaginewithme]

I am always thinking about you....which you know already. I am right here!

Love ya

[jseal]

LarryL,

I restate what the others have said better than I can. Please keep trying. Reach out to us – we will be here for you.

[Pita]

(((((((((((Larry)))))))))))) There is nothing I can add to what the others have said. You can see that many people know the dark pain your in and have come out of it or are working on it everyday. You can also see how much your loved and wanted. Don't ever give up Hun. Fight with everything you have and lean on others that want to be here for you.

Your in my thoughts, my heart and my prayers. Please stay safe Larry. :x:

[cowgirltease]

LarryL......... First of all I'm giving you a BIG WARM HUG.:)
2nd of all.... Think of your kids and your family. They love YOU and they NEED you. You are going to hurt them for the rest of their lives if you do this.
How do I know? Because I tried it too honey. You WILL change their life.
My Grandmother and my Great Aunt both have comtted suicide and it tore our families apart in so many ways. My father became an alcoholic because of it. I have lost him now too. :( I too led a very abused childhood. My father was a very tough and hard farmer. His mothers suicide made him even meaner. He took everything out on us kids. You said it in the end of your letter....LOVE STARVED. That and the possibilty that you are going thru the change of life (yes men do too) will drive you crazy. Please go get your hormones checked by a doctor. Going thru menopause will drive you crazy and damn sure cause this roller coaster ride that you are on. Yeah they thought mine was depression too. some of it was and I was told I deserved my nervous breakdown that for all that I had been thru. But now that you know........ Do SOMETHING about it! You come here and talk when you get lonely. Go see a friend, a doctor, your pastor. Just don't sit there and be alone! You have to socialize honey or it will get worse. You have been blessed with feelings that alot of people don't have that I can see in your posts. Tenderness and caring. Use them honey for the good that they are. Share it with some one who needs it. We all need it. That's why we are here in pixies! We need acceptance.( Btw.. I'll take some of that!) :) I love you even tho I've never met you. But I do honey. I'm here for you. You be here for me too OK?
Love,
Brenda

[Catch22]

I have a friend that is dealing with the same things as you are right now. You should get yourself into a abuse help group of some sort as soon as you can.

[cowgirltease]

LarryL You need to come back and talk to us. Don't stop now!!!
We care about you.:)

[Aqua]

((((((((((((((((((((((Larry))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

There are people here that love you and, I would bet, are loved by you. As was already stated, there are good things awaiting you in the days, months, years to come. But you will not realize them if you are dead. What kind of good things could there be, you may wonder? It could be a lot of different things, but there are mornings when a beautiful sunrise over Mt. Rainier makes me glad to be alive. Having Lil call me Mr. Sugar Pants makes me glad I'm alive. Seeing people here bare their souls to help another Pixie makes me glad I'm alive. Everytime my daughter says 'I love you Dad', you better believe I'm glad to be alive. Stick around and talk to us Larry... it won't be easy, but if you hold on you'll see that it's worth it to be alive.

When you're alive you can wake up to things like this...

[Steph]

You've got some big steps ahead of you but the sun will shine, too.

[darogle]

LarryL,

I've just read each of the posts above. I was touched by the warmth and sincerity of each one. Passionate pleas for you to reconsider your decision, weren't they? If you can't answer that, go back and read again...I'll wait. Now then, if you have those people wanting you so badly to live, don't you think that you've found one reason, just one reason, to go on with life??? One reason is enough. One reason is hope. A chance. It's something to hang on to. One reason to live. Those words did not magically appear, nor were they some technical trick. They came from real live people. People that genuinely care about you. They took the time to put pen to paper (so to speak) for you. If people that you've never met face to face feel that passionately about you, think about the people that you touch day to day. Think of the people that depend on you. That care for you and about you. That love you.

Now I'd like to add my name to that list. I do care for and about you. I won't condesend to say that I love you, I don't know you that well. But I do know you enough to call you a freind. You have a warmth that you express and exude with a grace and ease. I honestly look forward to each and every sentiment you express on here.

In other words...

DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! LIVE!!!!!!!!!

[Irish]

LarryL---I was going to post some morale building saying,but I'm not qualified
to do that.Just know that my prayers are with you! Irish

[LixyChick]

Sooooooo, just this past Saturday I had a party and I thought the world would end if it rained. Gotta tell ya, it was gloomy at times, and it drizzled enough to soak us a bit. But, it was the warmth of the people and the warmth of the sun (when it peeked through the clouds periodically) that kept us going. We didn't give up or retreat for cover. We sat in the rain and relished the mere fact that we were sure they are worse things that could have happened. The things going on in this world today, and I'm not just talking about the war (though that IS pretty shitty), but about the diseases and strife and hunger and homelessness and...oh geezzzzz, I could go on and on but you get the point, eh? Anyway, yes it sucked that it rained on my party, but I looked around and saw the beauty in it. I saw the flowers reaching up for a drink. I saw the pictures that the clouds make as they pass over. I felt the coolness of the droplets. I saw my niece turn her head to the sky and stick out her tongue for a drink of rain. I remembered doing that when I was young and I smiled with the memory. Butterflies were flitting from flower to flower. Birds were trying to swoop down to get some seed while the coast was clear of guests under the grape vine trellis. Ut oh, my sister drank too much and tripped as she was coming up on the patio (I knew someone would do it...and at least she won't sue me...lol!...I think??!!) and skinned her shin and elbow. Oh look...our good friend Mark is helping her up (and trying to look down her blouse...*giggle*) and taking her in the house to put some peroxide on her boo-boos. Hey! She'll be 42 on Friday...but she's still a younger sis and to me she get's boo-boos! Friends of ours are in awe, and gathering around our Aunt Sally. The memories of our childhood that she evokes is timeless. Oh, Aunt Sally...I really shouldn't try and take apart your western outfit and duplicate it in pink leather. Yes, it'd be sad to make it from mink (someone had offered to make her a mink something or other once)...poor little animals...but cows are animals too ya know! LOL! You shoulda seen the look on her face at that revelation. She's been a cowgirl all her life and I don't think that fact ever dawned on her. I should mingle some more, I kept thinking. Awwwwww, Cheryl and Mike brought their son Matthew. He's such a doll and looks like his mom. Shhhhhh...don't tell Mike that! LOL! Oh shit...I lost another beer cup. I think that's the 12th one since this party started and it's only been going for 3 hours so far. Hmmmmm...maybe I should tie a cup around my neck so I won't lose it again. Yikes! *listens to the small flock of geese flying overhead* It's that time of year again. Soon the flocks will get bigger and bigger and the "honks" as they fly over will be a sure tell tale sign that autumn, and then winter, is upon us. *looks around* Hmmmm...no one but me seems to even notice them yet. Ok...I won't spoil the mood. I've gotta be honest though, I'm looking forward to autumn this year. I miss the smell of burning leaves and I miss being a skinch chilly so that I have to get out a sweater or sweatshirt in the brisk evening air. Naaaaaa...we didn't put any AC's in this year. It's not so bad in this old house though. Wouldn't be bad at all cept for the few days of 100% humidity. My hair hates humidity! I look like a french poodle. Oh damn...I've digressed again. Oh well...there is plenty more to the story of my party if you'd like me to go on. Hey! I hear those moans from the peanut gallery...so I'll just leave it in the air for now. Hurry back and talk to us Larry. We've a lot to say to you and we sure would love to know that you didn't just start this thread and have no intention of seeing it through to the happy ending we are all hoping for!!!!

(((((((((LarryL)))))))))

*thinking of you all day and night and watching for a reply fore as often as I can get back here*

[Teddy Bear]

LarryL---I was going to post some morale building saying,but I'm not qualified
to do that.Just know that my prayers are with you! Irish

Stated so simply but just what I'm feeling as well.

You can not give in to this dark feeling. Fight it with everything you've got. Do not let it win! There are people who love you and need you! You are a very special person. How do I know this..... First, from reading your posts here at Pixies and secondly, because God don't make no junk! Each of us is special. Some one, some where, loves you and needs you. Don't leave them!

((((((Larry))))))

[dicksbro]

Stay with us Larry. We all care very much about our Pixie family and value you being here. So many above said what I feel also. Hang on ... and in the meantime ...

take a ((((( HUG )))) from me, too.

[fzzy]

(((((((((LarryL)))))))))

Larry - glad you posted, glad you have made it through these weeks, glad you are my friend!!!! Stay with us buddy ..... you are loved and needed!

Let me know if there's anything I can do to help or if you just need to vent! :wave:

[imaginewithme]

LarryL,

I've just read each of the posts above. I was touched by the warmth and sincerity of each one. Passionate pleas for you to reconsider your decision, weren't they? If you can't answer that, go back and read again...I'll wait. Now then, if you have those people wanting you so badly to live, don't you think that you've found one reason, just one reason, to go on with life??? One reason is enough. One reason is hope. A chance. It's something to hang on to. One reason to live. Those words did not magically appear, nor were they some technical trick. They came from real live people. People that genuinely care about you. They took the time to put pen to paper (so to speak) for you. If people that you've never met face to face feel that passionately about you, think about the people that you touch day to day. Think of the people that depend on you. That care for you and about you. That love you.

Now I'd like to add my name to that list. I do care for and about you. I won't condesend to say that I love you, I don't know you that well. But I do know you enough to call you a freind. You have a warmth that you express and exude with a grace and ease. I honestly look forward to each and every sentiment you express on here.

In other words...

DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! LIVE!!!!!!!!!

Wow, D...I loved that.....and Larry, it's soooo true.

I love ya! :love:

[jennaflower]

LarryL...

whether you realize it or not... you have become part of this family... and I can honestly say that this place can't handle another loss... and personally.. I know that I can't...

Please come back.. talk.. post... PM me.. anything... just stay here... and allow us to help... because we can...

((((Hugs))))

[LarryL]

I LOVE YOU

Everyone of you are so special, so real, so caring. Thank you times 10,000. Who can have a dry eye reading your beautiful words?

I'm doing better. At work today, I wanted to cut my arm real bad, but I remembered what the crisis line said to do. I rubbed an ice cube over the spot I wanted to cut. It numbed it and it helped. An hour later, I wanted to cut again, so I did the ice cube thing again. It worked!

I made it all day today without cutting myself! I just started listening to music at work today--old cassettes. It's a good sign when I put on my rock and roll shoes. I turned Joe Cooker's "A Little Help From My Friends" full bore and cried tears of joy this time. That song is so true.

My Pixie friends. You are all the greatest! You are real, honest, warm people who kick and scream sometimes and struggle with life, but you keep going. I admire that in all of you. You keep going. I want to keep going.

I Really Love You,
Larry

[GingerV]

I'm so glad to hear you had a better day. Even more glad to know that you're reaching for life, taking the steps you need to to get through the day. I know I'm one of the first to read your post today and I'm grinning just a little; yesterday I watched the wave of support go 'round the globe as people came to the site. Today I get to see them check in and cheer you on.

Take care of yourself, Hon. We're all pulling for you!!

G

[Grumble]

Good on you Larry - keep progressing and if you get down read the posts full of caring for you.

I am awfully proud to be a part of a group of such great human beings and we count you in that buddy.

Take care

Ian

[scotzoidman]

I LOVE YOU



I'm doing better... I just started listening to music at work today--old cassettes. It's a good sign when I put on my rock and roll shoes... I want to keep going.

I Really Love You,
Larry
Way to go Double L...I've always said rock & roll had healing powers...keep us posted, ok? We want to hear about your good days, & help u thru the bad ones...

[RandyGal]

Hi Larry,
Gosh it's good to hear that you were so successful fighting the urge to cut yourself! I'm glad you checked in here tonite as you've been on my mind over the last day or so.

Did I tell you to about the title of this post? I know you probably didn't mean for it to have any meaning, but.......it really struck me, sort of funny but also very heartfelt. There was something that set my heart to aching when I first saw the "I fell down and maybe broke something" only to realize how much YOUR HEART WAS breaking about your own problems and struggles.

Now when I see the title, it makes me smile for some reason. Probably because you posted how brutal you've felt lately, and yet you titled this not really wanting to scare anyone initially. Do you know what I mean?

Anyway, I'm babbling. Hope your Friday goes well for you. *big squashy hugs*

[imaginewithme]

I am so proud of you for listening to that crisis line hon! Your post sounds like you're feeling a tad better and I am so thankful for that.

LarryL, I want you to be sooo happy in everything you do in life. You're an angel.

Love ya

[jseal]

LarryL,

I hadn't listened to "A Little Help From My Friends" in years. After reading your post, I dug it out and played it.

Cool.

Thanks

[Aqua]

Glad to see you respond to the thread and I'm even more glad to hear you called a crisis line and took their advice. Hang in there Larry, take it one day at a time. Look for things throughout your day when you can say to yourself, "I'm GLAD I was am here for this." Hold on to the memory of each moment and remember them when you're feeling down. Keep us posted, good days or bad, alright? And keep wearing dem Rock 'n Roll shoes! :D

[darogle]

Larry,

Thank you sooooo much for checking back in. I, we, have been worried about you. Please do me a HUGE favor...check in with us everyday. Let us know if it's good or bad, how it's going and what you are doing to make it through. Make it your daily mission to check in with us, OK. It gives us reassurance and it gives you purpose. Plus, keep that number to the crisis line handy. Call them when you need to. They helped once, they can help again. Keep up the good work man!

[GingerV]

I second Daroogle's plea. We don't see enough of you as it is Larry ;) .

I'll forgive you if you can't make it in to touch base with us, but I'll definately be looking to see if you did.

[Pita]

So glad to hear from you Larry and see that today is better for you. Its all about one day at a time.

I have a 20 year old girl friend that cuts herself. After months of her friends begging her to go get help she finally did and is now on medication. She uses the ice too and will buzz me late at night if it gets bad before she cuts. Sometimes after she cuts but at least she is trying to reach out instead of holding it all in.

Lean on your friends Larry. That is what they are for. :)

[Teddy Bear]

"I get by with a little help from my friends....."

((((Larry))))

Great song! And you have so many friends here Larry!! :)

So happy to hear you had a better day. :D

Take it one day at a time and know we're here for you.

[cowgirltease]

Thank you for coming back. I'll sleep better tonite knowing you're ok. :)
Yes please come every day. I do. :)

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

[Prophet Reality]

Even though I am a guy I will still send a hug or two your way. You may not realize it sometimes, but you have taken a big step by including us in your life. Even if a lot of us are silent most of the time. But by admitting to us that you are having a bad day, you will get the support and love that you need to strengthen you to go on for another day. I lost a cherished uncle to depression and other problems, so I kind know what your battles are. But by coming here everyday, even for a little bit, post something somewhere and I can gaurentee that someone will reply and make it all worthwhile. So welcome to the biggest disfunctional family there is, and know that we all love you, even if we are silent. :hug:

[musicman]

Life is a journey - who knows why and for what reasons things happen??? Ups and downs are part of it for all of us and I'm sure there are days we all feel we've reached our breaking point...

Times like these - you try to forge ahead, knowing and hoping something better awaits you further along in the journey but you need to continue the journey to find out what it is....

Along the way you meet people; friends, who don't judge, but just understand and come along for the ride....these are the people who can help guide you through your personal journey and love and respect you for who you are.

Keep your chin up and a smile on your face - your friends here will always be here for you....

[cowgirltease]

Good Morning LarryL. I just had you on my mind and wanted to say Hi again. I hope your days are getting better. :)