Terrified of turning 40 and losing appeal to a decade of women...

[jaybee from UK]

Hey all, hope you don't mind me revealing a worry that's been plaguing me.

I only just got my career back on track after a year, and I'm 36. I'm glad to report things are going well, and I'm free to start hunting again. I'm quite well-preserved - after a few good nights of sleep I can pass for 28 - I'm in good shape, and with my past in bodybuilding, will soon be in incredible shape.

:)

Now...the biggest fear of my whole life, and I do mean biggest, is that when I turn 40 in 4 years, an entire decade of womanhood - arguably the most sought after - will turn their collective backs on me, unless I give them very good reason not to.

Now, a lot of people might say I already had my fair chance with Miss Twentysomething, and I should just move on and accept my age.Trouble is,
I started pretty much everything late in life - ask my friend Tess - and I don't want to feel railroaded into getting married in a couple of years, just to get my choice. I hardly played the field at all in my 20's, despite having girlfriends back then.

I'm a pretty big kid at heart, in the sweetest possible way, and despite my (alleged!) intelligence and accumulated wisdom, I still indulge in simple pleasures and laugh at the stuff that makes teenagers giggle. If I hang around with group of early 20-something guys in a bar, most of them have difficulty getting their heads around me being 36 ("But you're one of the lads!"). I'm my nieces favourite uncle, by far. I'm much more fun for her than my younger relatives.

I know it's immodest, but I truly have so much to offer a girl, but she'll never find out unless she gives me a chance. I look around, I can't see ANY couples where he's 40 and she's under 30. I feel everyone is just going to end up seeing me as some dirty old lothario who obssessively chases young girls using power and money as a lure. I happen to have some power, I happen to have more money, but using them as bait, instead of reassurance, is as alien to me as robbing a bank wearing a striped jumper and carrying a bag marked 'Swag'.

:)

I don't know why I'm making jokes here, people. It makes me so sad, everyone. I always thought I had time, but time waits for nobody. The thought of nearly a generation of girls just saying, "Sorry!"...I'm dreading it.

Jaybee.

[nikki1979]

if it makes u feel any better , back in my dating days i dated anyone between the ages of 25 tho 45 ....... i was 16 and up untill i meet my hubby . i always liked older men they seemed more grounded than the young ones...........

nikki

[huntersgirl]

Not really sure why you would only want the 20 somethings, but whatever....
I was married in my mid 20's to a man 18+ years older, so it does happen. I will say though that as much as I didn't admit it then, the age difference can be a problem.

[Sharni]

It's no good worrying about it....ya gonna turn 40 eventually

Wait and see....it may not be as bad as you think its gonna be

While one door may close....another may open

[TinTennessee]

I will admit that I have never had a clue what an older man (40's and up) sees in a 20 something "girl"...Personally, I am more attracted to someone that is in basically the same place in life I am, someone I can have a conversation with and not have to explain to them what or who I'm talking about.

[cowgirltease]

Ummmmmm So you're saying that when women get over 40 they lose their sex appeal??????? LMAO! Boy have you got a lot to learn. :D
Darlin I'm fixin to hit 44 in 2 weeks. Do I look or act "OLD". I think not and neither will you if you take care of yourself. There's nuthin sexier to me than a mature middle aged man. Cause I know I won't have to train him. :p

[Belial]

Ummmmmm So you're saying that when women get over 40 they lose their sex appeal??????? LMAO! Boy have you got a lot to learn. :D
Darlin I'm fixin to hit 44 in 2 weeks. Do I look or act "OLD". I think not and neither will you if you take care of yourself. There's nuthin sexier to me than a mature middle aged man. Cause I know I won't have to train him. :p

You're 44?? I absolutely would never have guessed.

I see what you mean. I recently joined a singles site and JHCOAB, the criteria of many of these girls is impossible (at least for me). Early to mid 20s, nice car, money, tall, dark, handsome, good sense of humour, intelligent, likes travel. And they wonder where "all the good men are?" Then others - girls around my age - will describe themselves in ways that make me think perhaps there could be something there, and then say they're after 26 to 35 year olds. WTF? Is this really the way things work? :mad:

Sorry, carry on...

[cowgirltease]

You know what I've learned thru the years? The hottest sexiest guys usually don't have the mind to match. They are so stuck on themselves that they forget that other people have feelings too and they will be the first to cheat on you or be abusive. They aren't worth my time or my mental stability. I don't do head games.

[Scarecrow]

To hell with 40, wait until your 50. Let the good times roll.

[cowgirltease]

To hell with 40, wait until your 50. Let the good times roll.

YEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWWW!!!! :D :cboy:

[BIBI]

To hell with 40, wait until your 50. Let the good times roll.

ditto :wine:

[wyndhy]

i've gotta echo the sentements of a few here. why does she NEED to be under 30? i'm curious what you believe the advantage of that is? not only are you foolishly limiting your chances to find the lasting love you claim to want, you are dissing an entire generation of sexy, smart, caring women! it always blows me away when people list the attributes most important in a lover/mate/so/whatever and NEVER mention the most important one...that they love you as much as you love them! try to lose this obsession you seem to have with a womans' age because, honey, someday she'll be over 30 and then what do you do? find a new one? we females are waaayyyy more than just a birthyear with a set of boobs.

[Catch22]

You may get hit by the number 14 to Victoria Station on your 39th.

[jaybee from UK]

i've gotta echo the sentements of a few here. why does she NEED to be under 30? i'm curious what you believe the advantage of that is? not only are you foolishly limiting your chances to find the lasting love you claim to want, you are dissing an entire generation of sexy, smart, caring women! it always blows me away when people list the attributes most important in a lover/mate/so/whatever and NEVER mention the most important one...that they love you as much as you love them! try to lose this obsession you seem to have with a womans' age because, honey, someday she'll be over 30 and then what do you do? find a new one? we females are waaayyyy more than just a birthyear with a set of boobs.

Hi,

I hope you weren't offended by my comments in any way, if so, I apologise. I come here to exchange information and make friends in the process. I hope I haven't jeopardised that process.

I'm not rejecting Miss 30Something, I'm worried about Miss 20-Something rejecting ME purely and solely because I'm a few years her senior. I'm not 'dissing' (a word that still hasn't made it's way across the pond) an entire generation, I'm worried about 20-somethings dissing ME.

I hope this puts your concerns at ease. Mine rage on, sadly.

Jaybee.

[jaybee from UK]

You may get hit by the number 14 to Victoria Station on your 39th.

Well, that's if I live THAT long. I'll be on it later today...

:)


Jaybee.

[thereIam]

I'm not rejecting Miss 30Something, I'm worried about Miss 20-Something rejecting ME purely and solely because I'm a few years her senior.

And why would this bother you? If Miss whateverherage has an issue with your age, then it is her problem, and not a reflection on you. Chances are that you would find other, more powerful incompatabilities anyway.

40 is no biggie. Be who you are, for as long as you are. Age is irrelevant.

[Oldfart]

Wyndhy has the point.

Your statement that you seem younger than you are and your fixation on 20something

partners is worrying because healthy sexual activity has it's feet firmly in reality and

it's imagination wherever it wants to wander.

Aging is a fact of life, and hiding from it is a sad futility.

Get real, get laid and make the best of it.

[wyndhy]

Hi, I hope you weren't offended by my comments in any way.

hi and HELL NO! just curious why the age thing is so important. i'd say the same things to anyone who dismissed a person solely on the basis of age, religion, race, et cetera, ad infinium, ad nauseum. no-one deserves to be put in the "no" pile just 'cause they don't jive with ones ideal of a life partner. ideals are fairytales. quirks, idiosynchrasies, opinions, tolerances, manners, snores that keep you awake, under-handed toilet paper replacement, laughing through the nose, drinking the milk straight from the carton-- these are the traits that makes a person someone you could or could not love and live with.

[Pita]

All good advice given to you Jaybee. Much the same thing as I told you too huh?:)

To find true and lasting love you can only be yourself and hope the woman you fall for is being her self. Then you come together and live life.

I know where you coming from and I understand it. I will be 40 in a year and half and I was hating the idea until I came to Pixies and saw people my age or older that are still sexy, fun, intelligent and know who they are and what they want.

However, if that is what you want then Sweetie, I wish you the very best. I just don't want to see you limit yourself or the right woman that might just in front of you.

[jaybee from UK]

Cheers T, and everyone!

Just to add counterbalance, I've usually found the the most physically enticing girls TOO don't have the sheer brains nor refined breeding to correspond with their raw sex appeal. But maybe I need to worry less about rejection (that hasn't yet happened!) and more on making myself a more spectacular catch. That way, I could guage, using empirical evidence, just how big, small or middling a factor ACTUALLY is.

Once again, nice of you guys'n'gals to keep my spirits up.

The next step is ACTION. And I'll keep you posted!


Jaybee.

[Aqua]

Jaybee... you're worried about getting older and losing appeal with younger women? I have two words for you...

Sean Connery.

[LixyChick]

Did someone say Sean Connery?

*swoon*

[LixyChick]

P.S. Jaybee.........

As a member of the "Over-The-Hill" gang...I'm sorta resenting this thread (just a little...lol!).

[Oldfart]

Lixy,

Shame on you. You've been practicing that swoon!

[GingerV]

If I'm following, Jay's not saying he's onlny interested in 20somethings...he's interested in all sorts of women, but he's worried that the day he turns 40 the dating pool will get a bit shallower because the 20s won't be interested in him. Course, I'm not him...so I'm just guessing.

What I have to say is that age isn't magical. No-one's got an odometer on their forehead...if you're as well preserved and young seeming as you say, Jay, then no-one's going to know. If your soulmate really is younger, she'll see your young heart. Don't worry about it, and don't borrow trouble that's still a whole 4 years away. You don't know what you're going to see or do between now and then. Besides, even if the silliest of the young'uns are scared off by superficial age issues...honestly, are they someone you wanted to be with anyway? Think of age as your "twit" filter ;). It'll save you wasting tons of time in the end.

But I agree that even if it's not conscious, there's a sense of youth-worship in what you've written. I personally think I'm damned lucky that I found a great guy in my 20s, and that he had the sense to hang on to me until I got to my 30s. I'm only just catching my stride really ;). I'm a mutch better catch now. Don't get so worried about the 20something girls that you lose sight of (or worse yet, alienate) the wonderful women around you.

G

[jaybee from UK]

Ginger, you have a wisdom far beyond YOUR years. Your boyfriend should consider himself a lucky fellow. I would consider it a personal triumph to find a woman with your brains. "Twit filter"...even I wouldn't have thought of that. Yep, I want a girl with your 'raised bar' mentality.

And, that's precisely what I intend to do...no half measures for me.

That said, I don't 'worship' youth in any proper sense of the term. There are many things I find grating about 'young' people today, or should I say youngER people. Gotta say, though, the part that you and couple of others have sensed about my PREFERENCE between 20-somethings and 30-somethings is a no-brainer. ALL OTHER THINGS BEING EQUAL, youth beats age. It is a simple fact of life, for both sexes, in all aspects of life, after 21. Not simply for me, but for all people.

A guy on my training course at work is 10 years my junior. Therefore, we hold the same job, but at different times of life. Now, If he were as tall, good looking, charming, kind-hearted and as wealthy as me, of course, the ladies have every reason to pick him over me. I would be foolish to think they wouldn't, and selfish to think they shouldn't. BUT...as it is, all other things are NOT equal; he is none of the above, making me the better catch.

The inverse is also true. If I had to choose between 22 y.o Britney Spears and a 38 y.o Liz Hurley, I'll take Liz twice on Sundays. In this case, charm, breeding, attitude, height and that GORGEOUS accent beats youth, hands down. By KO in Round 2.
The fact she's a fellow brit doesn't hurt, either..

:)

I trust that lays to rest any lingering doubt about my priorities, although I make no excuse for them whatever they are.

Jaybee.

Ps...Is our forehead, or rather our face, NOT the odometer?!!?

[LixyChick]

Lixy,

Shame on you. You've been practicing that swoon!
OF's talkin to me!!

*swoon*

*giggle*

[LixyChick]

That said, I don't 'worship' youth in any proper sense of the term. There are many things I find grating about 'young' people today, or should I say youngER people. Gotta say, though, the part that you and couple of others have sensed about my PREFERENCE between 20-somethings and 30-somethings is a no-brainer. ALL OTHER THINGS BEING EQUAL, youth beats age. It is a simple fact of life, for both sexes, in all aspects of life, after 21. Not simply for me, but for all people.

A guy on my training course at work is 10 years my junior. Therefore, we hold the same job, but at different times of life. Now, If he were as tall, good looking, charming, kind-hearted and as wealthy as me, of course, the ladies have every reason to pick him over me. I would be foolish to think they wouldn't, and selfish to think they shouldn't. BUT...as it is, all other things are NOT equal; he is none of the above, making me the better catch.

The inverse is also true. If I had to choose between 22 y.o Britney Spears and a 38 y.o Liz Hurley, I'll take Liz twice on Sundays. In this case, charm, breeding, attitude, height and that GORGEOUS accent beats youth, hands down. By KO in Round 2.
The fact she's a fellow brit doesn't hurt, either..

:)

I trust that lays to rest any lingering doubt about my priorities, although I make no excuse for them whatever they are.

Jaybee.

Ps...Is our forehead, or rather our face, NOT the odometer?!!?
So...in your P.S. (if I'm reading this correctly) you're saying that you can judge a person (not only their age...but their possibility) by their looks???? Damn Man...you are good! You've every right to tout your prowess and shoot down everyone else who doesn't ride on the high side of your judgement bar! I'm impressed by how persnickety you seem! Doesn't it leave you with a strong feeling of burden though? I mean...going around having to judge every person you see without getting to know them, based purely on looks?

If I ever try to do that I end up with egg on my face for it. I've met folks who've seemed/looked old, but in actuality are 10-15 years my junior. And, the opposite has been the case as well. But, in my years on this earth I've learned that judging a book by it's cover will keep me from getting to know what's on the inside. Sure, it's nice to have new, smooth, leatherbound books. But if they get weathered and age, they still have the same contents. That they DO weather and age, and are still bound and covered, let's me know just how special they are to have withstood the test of time. I'd have missed a lot of good reading if I only read new books. Course, we aren't talking books here...now are we? I just like the juxtaposition!

Anyway...I've decided to change my sig. line again...back to one I favor above all...in honor of this thread. Carry on! Hope you life goes as smoothly as you're expecting. No..wait! That isn't what I mean...because the topic here is that you are expecting younguns to dis you as you age. OK...what I mean is...I hope you get all that you deserve as you age, regardless of your pessimistic outlook towards the ability of a 20something to be less shallow than you think they are! Yep! That's what I mean! :rolleyes: