Polyamourous

[Kendall]

I ran across this word recently.. polyamourous -> to love many.

In the context of romantic love, I'm interested what people think. Please take the poll.

Do social mores squelch love? I think so. What do you think?

[Lilith]

Well we've voted :p


I just love who I love. *shrugs*

[imaginewithme]

There you go with your big words again.... ;)

I think it's possible, and like Lilith, I love who I love.

You didn't tell us what you thought tho.

[maddy]

This is a somewhat interesting poll... I was introduced to this word as a descriptor of a lifestyle about 6 months ago. I've thought long and hard about it... and I'm still not really sure of it all... I have an opinion of course, but it's only based on my experiences.

[PantyFanatic]

I can genuinely care about different people in separate ways in the same manner I can love each of my children for their own being.

[nikki1979]

i dont think that i cud luv just one person , i only want to married to one but i do totally belive i can luv more than him in a romantic way. he may not be happy to hear that i can but he shud be happy to know its him i choose to be with till death do us part.

~nikki

[Loulabelle]

I don't believe that a person can be 'in love' with more than one person at a time.

By it's very nature, being 'in love' is a feeling of wanting to spend every waking moment with the object of your affection, not being able to think about anything else, counting the moments until you are with that person again.

All in all, being in love is a very time and effort consuming state of being, and I don't think it's possible to feel that for two people at exactly the same time. However, I do think it's possible to romantically love one person, and fall in love with another - dangerous emotional ground, though, of course.

And I'd argue that loving your partner, without being 'in love' with them can be pretty dangerous ground as well.

[osuche]

I agree with PF. I think you can love many people in different ways ~ all of them unique and wonderful. But that feeling of being "in love head over heels" should be reserved for that one special person. There are several very special men in my life (and get your mind outta the gutter here!) who I love very much and would do anything for....

[LixyChick]

It's one of the hardest things one would ever have to aknowledge about themselves! Speaking from a purely personal experience...being "in love" with two different (totally different) men IS indeed possible and I am living proof that it can happen! I'd venture further to say...it's usually an accidental incident. One thing leads to another and suddenly you have this heart...so full of love...yet split in half. You might love one person for several certain somethings and the other for other certain somethings...but it's true love for both, regardless of the differences. And, I'm NOT saying that what is lacking in one relationship is sought in the other. I'm not even saying that anything is lacking in one or the other relationship. I'm saying that while you are loving one person with all of your heart...the other person steals part of your heart...and your heart splits...but never falters. Kinda like the egg that splits into identical twins. Two perfect, but different, entities...that started as one!

Just because it might not seem possible to you, doesn't mean it isn't possible.

I can't say that this is an ideal way to carry on a lifelong relationship[s]. Actually, I can't see it ever being ideal. Sooner or later it will take it's toll in some aspect of your life and you'll have to choose. That's not to say that the love has failed on either side. Just that, life has a way of moving along and taking you with it, and when you look up, your direction has changed and one or the other person hasn't made the same moves. That's the hardest part of it all!

OK...so I voted Kendall. Can you guess my vote? LOL!

[WildIrish]

John Grey, the infamous pen behind "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" once stated in a Playboy interview (which is the only reason I bought the magazine :D ) that masturbation harmed your relationship with your S/O because it excluded them from a very intimate act. You can imagine what he would've said about loving two people simultaneously. Then again, he also said that wives should give their husbands handjobs anytime they're requested because they feel so good and require so little effort. So he's got good points as well as bad. :D

Maybe I'm trying to stretch a point that doesn't exist. I think it's possible to love more than one person at the same time. Two people that are strikingly similar in all facets are bound to generate the same feelings in someone that cares deeply for one of them. I envision this scenario much more apt to occur than one person loving two others that are polar opposite to each other. But hey...what do I know? I'm just a dumbass. lmao

[gekkogecko]

Been poly for years.

Fuck the social mind-control bullshit that says, that because you happen to love a person romantically, you can't love another; or, if you hapen to love someone, and then you meet someone else, and come to love that person, you have to stop loving the first person.

The whole enforced monoamory thing is a twisted version of "morality" that is destructive of people's humanity.

[sodaklostsoul]

For me I can only romanticly love one man. I can lust after a few others and love them enough that I care about what happens to them, but I only want to be with one certain man.

[osuche]

You know...every man I have loved has been different in many "surface" ways.....some are professional/others not; some are tall/some not; some are introverts/some are extroverts; big age difference (25 years)/small age difference (1 year). But, I think WI is right ~~ the fundamentals don't change.

They are ALL intelligent, intellectual, dedicated, honest, loving, honorable, kind men...who are so very special to me. Thanks to WI for making me realize this!

[WildIrish]

You're welcome osuche. But I couldn't help but notice that "balding Irishman" wasn't anywhere on your list. :(

[osuche]

You're welcome osuche. But I couldn't help but notice that "balding Irishman" wasn't anywhere on your list. :(

C'mon over here and I'll give you some lovin' ;)

[WildIrish]

C'mon over here and I'll give you some lovin' ;)


Does this mean I have to pretend to be intelligent? :confused:

[IAKaraokeGirl]

<--- was worried about that ^^^. ;)

[osuche]

Does this mean I have to pretend to be intelligent? :confused:


If you pretend your only desire is to rip my clothes off and sex me up, I'll pretend you're intelligent. Deal? :D

[WildIrish]

If you pretend your only desire is to rip my clothes off and sex me up, I'll pretend you're intelligent. Deal? :D

You're gonna be working a lot harder than me. lmao

[PantyFanatic]

You're gonna be working a lot harder than me. lmao
LMFAO :grin:

[Kendall]

Whilst not romantic love, other primates (gorillas for example) have a single dominant male who tend to a covy of females. Wolves and mountain sheep do it. This behavior has been assumed to be a method of optimizing the species strength by assuring the strongest males' genes get passed along. Maybe they are just smarter.

I know I can love more than one woman at a time. I think (in the US) our christian dominated moral directives supress love. I'm not sure why.

[Vigil]

Perhaps an impossible question Kendall.

I'm not sure I really know what Love is, let alone complicating the issue with it being romantic.

Someone I loved to the point distraction at 17, I don't now - so it isn't eternal. In that state of love, I can't imagine being able to love someone else at the same time. It would have been heartbreaking and mentally destructive - for me.

But things change as you grow - so who knows - que sera sera.

[kathy1]

I personally do think it's possible to love more than one at the same time. I think the human heart is about as untapped as the human mind. The ability to let yourself love more than one is a rare thing, i think. And what you have in one relationship can either hinder or help or not have a darned thing to do with any others. That's entirely up to the individual's make up, perhaps. Each is a grand and unique gift.

[osuche]

Perhaps an impossible question Kendall.

I'm not sure I really know what Love is, let alone complicating the issue with it being romantic.


Interesting thought Vigil. I guess I tend to believe that love is a feeling -- which can remain constant (I still love my first serious boyfriend, and have since I was 13). However, being "in love" is more about compatability, compromise, and hard work. That makes it much more selective.

[WildIrish]

I have exgirlfriends that I don't hold love for anymore. Not because of terribly breakups, but because after growing up, I see the relationships for what they were...adolescent coupling and attempts to explore the world of love. I've also had a girlfriend pass away in an auto accident while we were dating. That was much more difficult to analyze because we were in love when it happened, so we didn't have a final note to define our relationship by. I do think of her with love in my heart, but I also understand that we were young and odds indicate that we wouldn't have ended up together in the long run...but I'll never know. There's always that nagging question "what if".

I love Mrs. WI. She is a beautiful person, a wonderful wife and mother, and a yin to my yan. (OMG...I'm Yan! Anyone else remember that cooking show "Yan can cook" ?) The experiences I've had in past relationships have probably had their effect (positive and negative) on our marriage, but they're learning experiences...not relationship hurdles.

I also deeply feel that I can love another without diminishing the love I have for my wife. I guess it all boils down to how each person thinks, feels and acts when they're presented with the situation.

[Catch22]

We would on this site make good hippies in that case. Except for one thing. Some of us don't have enough hair!

[flutelady]

I love alot of people, in alot of different ways. There's always room in my heart to love someone else... a new friend, another child...

But when it comes to truly being IN love, I am a one-man-woman. My little planet revolves around his sun, and that's the fact of it. I fall in love from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, and I can only give everything of myself to one at a time. Far too confusing for my literal mind to even consider otherwise.

However, I did vote that I think it's possible to be romantically involved with more than one man at a time. I just don't see it as being something that would work for me.

[joe_someguy]

I think that people's perspectives change over time as well as their capacities for certain things. Personally, there's no way that I could have romantically loved more than one person when I was younger. But then, I could have eaten a whole extra larger, double topping, everything on it pizza all by myself. Now days, I eat until I'm satisfied, which is a lot LESS than it used to be, and I love until I'm satisfied, which is a lot MORE than it used to be. Not that everyone's capacities change, or that they even should. But for some of us, they do, and we need to learn to love and accept that in ourselves. Bottom line, as long as you're happy, then it's all good, and nobody should be judgemental because we're all different. And anyway...you know what they used to say in the good ol' days...The plural for spouse, is spice!