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Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 03:42 PM

rockintime

01-30-2005, 04:27 PM

Seems to me you aren't even at the "sex" point. If you like this girl, and I assume you do, then develop the "relationship"...if the relationship blooms, great and if sex eventually occurs, even better.

Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 04:41 PM

osuche

01-30-2005, 04:44 PM

OK....This is one of th emost emotionally tone-deaf posts I've seen in a very long time. Sex will arise naturally out of a relationship, when and if it makes sense to both parties. There's no way I know to "get her over the hump." Stop pressuring the poor lass, enjoy what you do have together, and see how things work out.

I know this sounds funny from someone who spends so much time on a sex forum, but there is so much mroe to life than just sex. Relax and enjoy her for who she is.

Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 04:52 PM

osuche, thanks,I understand that. I would just like some advice on helping her over the "block". I do understand that it is different for girls when they first dive into this. Us guys can make such a mess of it because all we have to do is stick "it" in. We spend so much time worried about trying to get there that we can forget that the girl is under us or wherever she might be during sex, that we don't take into consideration on what she is feeling. I mean for all we know we could be doing the best job in the world and they're like "is that it?".

Because she is a virgin, I want it to be something that she will cherish and not think "shit that was a disaster,fuck it hurt etc".

cherrypie7788

01-30-2005, 04:56 PM

Just let the relationship run its course and don't worry about it :rolleyes2 if she wants to have sex she'll let you know.

Cheyanne

01-30-2005, 05:43 PM

Wasn't it about a week ago you posted a thread about another woman who wouldn't return your calls after having sex with you? "She just wasn't into you"?? And you were upset with that fact? And you said that you had another woman interested in you who was a virgin that you gave a "mercy fuck" to? Sheesh!!!!

How can you possibly have a solid relationship with this women within a week? And, this is yet, another virgin!!! Leave her alone.. if she is coming up with excuses every 2 seconds as to why she isn't interested in having sex it appears to me as if you are pestering her!!!! I would feel ashamed of myself if I were in your shoes! Allow her to make up her own mind and let it be! Do Not Pressure Her!!!!

Mark, you seem like an intelligent person...quit thinking about your dick and take into consideration other people's feelings, values, and decisions.

BIBI

01-30-2005, 06:10 PM

Oh my goodness man. I so don't get it. Are you trying to figure out life in five easy questions or what?

You have gone from giving a "mercy" fuck to a virgin, to a girl who has rebuffed you after haviing sex, all the way to yet another virgin who is the complete opposite of the first virgin and who doesn't want sex.

Man oh man with all these virgins you must live in Paradise! There wouldn't happen to be 72 virgins in total would there? hmmm......

maddy

01-30-2005, 06:29 PM

Aside from all the above advice, if you are truly concerned about this virgin and her "block" to wanting to have sex. Build a trusting relationship with her and try to understand {listen to her} why she has the preconceived notions and excuses to not having sex. Once you can understand what is holding her back from having sex and she has built enough trust in you and the relationship to share those things with you -- then AND only then will you be able to help her emotionally work through each of her "blocks".

Not that it really matters, but coming from a virgin {me} if she has waited this long, she isn't looking for a date and a fuck. Not all women are programmed the same and that's the beauty of being a human, there isn't a magic formula to unlock each of our legs and make us beg for your precious cock to slam into us and make us cum.

I've seen it said in several of your threads that the mind is a sexy and wonderful thing. The sooner you realize that women are more than a piece of fuck flesh the better off you will be in understanding the key that will unlock her legs. At that same time you might even find that relationships are more than sex.

maddy

01-30-2005, 06:33 PM

lonelyarmywife

01-30-2005, 06:37 PM

Dear Mr. Mark

You have two heads. Start using the other one.

In all seriousness, i don't mean to be a bitch, but I get the sneaking suspicion that you are just looking for a piece of ass, not a girlfirend, or even a relationship. Now I'm not privy to your private conversations with this lady, but make sure head #1 and heart are in the right place before you start worrying about head#2.

WildIrish

01-30-2005, 07:05 PM

/me just shakes his head.

Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 07:07 PM

OOOOUUUUCCCCCHHHHH!!!!!!!! Phew talk about getting shot down in the line of fire. That "mercy" fuck was with a girl who just wanted to use me for sex so she would no longer be a virgin anymore.

This second virgin who I will call N I have known longer. In fact she knows what happened with the other virgin (Krystal). She was very surprised in her because she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

As I talk with N on a frequent basis, and sure I tease her sometimes (all in good fun of course) she has asked me various questions on sex. I have tried to inform her as much as I can. She is very curious and I think she would just like to fill up her data bank.

I'm just asking some simple advice. I know that a r/ship is built around/on values, respect, trust etc. I'm not stupid. I understand that she want's to take her time. I'm not pressuring her into anything.

I came in here to ask for advice on how to her get adjusted to the concept. So when it comes time for it, then she is prepared.

BIBI

01-30-2005, 07:12 PM

Well rock, her and I get along like a house on fire.

She just has a million different reasons every 2 seconds. The r/ship is solid, I am asking on how to get this "block" of her's down. I know that time heals all,but if she doesn't get over her insecurities then it may cause problems. It ain't healthy. That is why I am asking for advice on this rather touchy matter.

First off if she has to rebuff you every "2" seconds you are being too pushy.

How can the relationship be solid? You were just bemoaning about another girl this week too.

I don't think for a minute it is her securities that may cause problems but maybe your own. Sounds like you don't feel manly unless your boinking someone.

What persay is not healthy? Her not being ready for sex? She is a smart cookie to know that she is not ready and even smarter if she sticks to her guns and waits for when SHE is ready.

I guess you'll just have to chalk it up to "being her loss" :devilish:

BIBI

01-30-2005, 07:19 PM

Well if nothing else Mark you may have learned here that women do not like to hear a woman being referred to as a mercy fuck. It is a degrading and juvenile way to describe a woman, especially a woman who gifted you her virginity.

Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 07:20 PM

Yep it must me anti-me day...............

BIBI

01-30-2005, 07:20 PM

/me just shakes his head.

Remember WI any more than twice means your playing with it! ;)

Sharni

01-30-2005, 07:25 PM

Hi all. I'm seeing this girl who is a virgin still. Now that isn't the issue. The issue is how do you get past that "block" that she has put up?

She has only ever had one b/f her entire life and so has very little experience in the matter's of sex. She hasn't even gotten herself off so as to experience an orgasm.

She has about 50 million reservations about every aspect of sex. She thinks that it is unhygenic to give oral, she thinks that it is dirty if a guy cums on her. That is just to name a couple.

So any help would be appreciated.
Some appear to feel a wee bit errr aggressive on this subject *L*

It may be the way the girl was raised that masterbation/sex is taboo or dirty

You need to talk to her....or ask her to discuss her fears with another woman maybe

Your sexual needs cum last mate...sorry bout that....But this girl needs to be given time to blossom before ya go pickin' at her bud so to speak

I spoke to you about this...you need to be patient...if ya cant be then ya need to let her go find someone who will

Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 07:30 PM

She didn't gift me anything. She wanted it pure and simple. She just came out with it "I want you to fuck me". Now does that sound romantic to you? I mean what the f... am I to do when she was all over me like a bad habbit and making it clear as day as to her intentions?

She even said herself "I want you to be the one that I fuck coz I just want to get it out of the way so I am no longer a virgin."

I asked her "why?"

She said "well I'm sick of all my friends telling me that they got laid on the weekend and such and such. They tell me how good it is. I'm here stuck with playing with myself and they're out there having fun with someone else."

Lilith

01-30-2005, 07:36 PM

Often time someone who has such an imflamatory attitude tends to bring out the worst in all of us, at least that's how it can be with me.

Mark, your attitude (as has been demonstrated so far) towards women sucks and when you mature some I think/hope you will see that it's not everyone's responsibility to sort you out. Until you learn to respect women, I would suggest you leave the less experienced women alone. Chances are they are going to do just as you have described and put up "blocks", refuse you and avoid you. They can feel the disrespect but don't know what to do about it so they run or hide. The women who have responded to you here also feel the disrespect but they are mature enough to know that they do not have to tolerate it and can just speak up and tell you why. As long as you continue to make the choices you have then you are going to continue to see similar results.

Lilith

01-30-2005, 07:37 PM

BIBI

01-30-2005, 07:57 PM

Do you not get it?

Women do not like it when a man refers to ANY woman as a mercy fuck!

It is not respectful.....it is demeaning and crass.

That is what has brought this thread to where it is.

That's it from me.....

I am off to smut! ;)

Sharni

01-30-2005, 08:08 PM

Ok....i've just been speaking to this poor guy for like ages

He is not articulate, he is not a pig, his attitude to women does not suck (slurps a bit maybe *LOL*)...and i can tell ya he will not be the first, nor the last to word something badly

He's sorry for not giving more info ...but then we should not assume to try to fill in the gaps to what someones posted (guilty of it myself actually)

He is not doing this ALL for himself as some have indicated...infact his g/f has contacted me to discuss some things...he asked for advice and got cut down in flames...and he is very wary of trying again...as i'm sure are many lurkers *LOL*

We do tend to sorta pack here (not meaning its a bad thing) and it can be quite intimidating to break in to a place where many are very familiar with each other

Lilith

01-30-2005, 08:20 PM

I understand that and can only go by what he has posted, of which I have read all. He has made choices about what he has posted and needs to be aware of how he comes across. We all have lapses in how we say something but I am not basing my opinion on 2 words in one post. I have read posts where he suggests violence as a way to solve problems. I have read posts where he reduces people to ethnicities and penis size. I have read others full of misinformation. I know it's hard to come into a new place but his first 5 posts were very opinionated advice posts, which does not usually denote someone trying to get aquainted. Despite that I continue to have hopes each time he posts that something will change. If he's an OK guy then that should be apparent somewhere. If his posts make him come across as a jerk then he needs to reconsider the content. We are all responsible adults.

Lilith

01-30-2005, 08:23 PM

I also realize that I make choices too and I think it just best for me to chill and not respond or attempt to try to make sense of threads that make me uncomfortable.

Sharni

01-30-2005, 08:26 PM

BIBI

01-30-2005, 08:34 PM

If he doesn't really feel or hold the opinions as he has put forth into words,it is not our fault for taking what he has said at face value.

He surely hasn't been flamed by any standards that I have seen on other boards.

Sharni

01-30-2005, 08:36 PM

But this is Pixies and believe me....up there ^^^ was harsh *LOL*

Cassiopeia

01-30-2005, 08:37 PM

I came in here to ask for advice on how to her get adjusted to the concept. So when it comes time for it, then she is prepared.

I don't think that anyone can fully prepare someone for that stuff like that. The most you can do is to continue to answer her questions if she asks. And if she wants advice on it, then be receptive to that. In the end, the decision is up to her so there's nothing much else you can (or IMO, should) do.

BIBI

01-30-2005, 08:42 PM

I understand that Lil....but to judge a whole person by 5 opinionated posts is a bit out there....i mean fuck i'm opionionated too *LOL*...the difference is i've been here long enough to have no qualms about standing up to any or all of ya.....a newbie has no hope

I know he aint perfect..but he aint no ogre some are makng him out to be either

You know what Sharni when I was a newbie as you say I almost left due to my opinion in a thread being jumped all over by you.........I felt centered out and embarassed. In fact I was quite upset.......three years later I am still here.

Lilith

01-30-2005, 08:44 PM

I'm sure he is not an ogre but if he is going to post here he will be responsible for the content of his posts just as is everyone else. If he continues to ask for advice, he's going to continue to get some. Flaming will not be tolerated, regardless of the target. But if you piss members off (especially unwise to choose an entire sex) with your posts, then you have to accept the consequences of your actions. I agree that a pack mentality does occur but usually only when you anger the entire pack.

My hope is that he finds someone who he cherishes and will learn tons by exploring all the wonderful things there is to learn about his woman. I think the key is to slow down and look around. Don't be in such a hurry. If she is meant to be the person in his life then sex will be a natural by-product. I'm hoping as we all get to know him as well as you have we will find him someone who has new ideas to contribute. I'm not so old to think I can't learn something from everyone.

Mark, How old is your lady friend? Is she old enough to visit here?

Sharni

01-30-2005, 08:44 PM

If your still here i obviously didnt jump to hard then

BIBI

01-30-2005, 08:49 PM

If your still here i obviously didnt jump to hard then

Don't flatter yourself Sharni. I am just as opinionated and tough as anyone. I choose not to let people run me off if I don't want to go.

Sharni

01-30-2005, 08:51 PM

i wasnt flattering myself...i made a statement

Good for you!!!

BIBI

01-30-2005, 08:57 PM

LOL.....thank you

Sharni

01-30-2005, 08:58 PM

No problem...anytime

Cheyanne

01-30-2005, 09:14 PM

The difference between you, Sharni, and others who responded, is that you have more insde information than what we have which did not come across or additional explanations given in any of his posts until a response was given by others. We all stated our opinons - albiet some more harsh than others - me being one. And I agree, had the information been worded differently or explained better my response may not have harsh. Had he asked and stated that this girl wanted the information and that it wasn't coming directly from him, the response probably would have been different. However, the thread wasn't worded in such a way that I would have interpreted it any differently than what information was given. Nor were his other threads. I did not fill in the "holes", I based my response on the information given and in the tone that the questions/information was given. If that information wasn't the full story then, like you said he is, he needs to be sorry for not filling us all fully. It isn't our responsibility to try to interpret anything in a manner other than which it is given.

With the right information - we who run in "packs" can be pretty friendly and accepting. All a newbie has to do is take the time to read the threads more and he/she will see that. Just as the "old-timers" have responsibilties, "newbies" do as well.
He needs to spend more time looking around and reading...

Sharni

01-30-2005, 09:31 PM

With the right information - we who run in "packs" can be pretty friendly and accepting. All a newbie has to do is take the time to read the threads more and he/she will see that. Just as the "old-timers" have responsibilties, "newbies" do as well.
He needs to spend more time looking around and reading...
Yep just what i told him...i let him know that it was not entirely the 'old timers' fault...and that what and how he posted came across badly..

But we still all need to remember that the written word is damned hard to get ya meaning across at times....an awful lot can be read into what you read...

:):)

Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 09:53 PM

Ok all. Yes I am back. Had to go and pick up my son from school. First day and all. Now ok I screwed up with the start with the wording. But as sharni did say it can be a might hard to try and find the correct concept/text/meaning/words for what one is trying to say. Yep I did deserve to a point some of what was said. As I did say to Lil on one other occasion, I am new here and still learning the ropes. I know that isn't an excuse but it's fact.

Lil to answer you question about how old she is, she is in 20's. Me,well I'm 27. So I am not immature as it may come across in my threads. I do have a wonderful sense of humour if people actually can take the time to get to know me a bit in here.

If any of you have read my first story, you'll see some of that humour. I'm not perfect by no means, who is? So if any of what I put down in here got up wind of some of you then I am sorry. We all make mistakes so we should be able to redem ourselves.

Come say Hi to me and I'll say hi back. I don't bite......much.lol

Lilith

01-30-2005, 09:55 PM

Maybe you should pass the URL here to your friend.

Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 10:00 PM

I did. She is shy and reluctant to traverse into new water's. As I did say, she has only had one b/f her life so you can see a pattern in her behaviour.

I also had her try and talk with Sharni via msn, but I think that sharni had fallen asleep before hand.

Lilith

01-30-2005, 10:15 PM

I can understand that! I think she might be surprised to find out that there are other members who are virgins. There is so much more to being sexual than just having sex.

Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 10:22 PM

She is actually a very nice and lovely person. She is absolutely gorgeous or however you spell it. She is also a bit taller than me. She doesn't see herself as that. As she is asian she is very self aware because in her own words "most asian women are short. I'm a giant and asian men don't like tall girls." Well so she says. Who knows what asian men like? We are all different. I have a pic of her that I might post in this thread just so you can comment. I think she is fab.

Lilith

01-30-2005, 10:31 PM

You'd need her expressed consent to post her pic.

I think the stereo-type of Asian's being shorter in stature is slowly being rethought. There is a 7' tall basketball player here in the states.

Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 10:42 PM

I'll ask her. I don't think she'll mind too much.
Hey if everyone can comment on the pic then it might help to change how she sees herself.

Yeah I told her that too. I do taekwondo and one of the guys I used to train with was asian. He was slightly taller than me.

You pick up a women's mag and you can see sometimes the shots of the asian girls that they might have. Lucy Liu is a good example.

darogle

01-30-2005, 10:49 PM

Well this thread certainly ranks up there as interesting. LOL

Mark, I was right there with WI shaking my head when I started reading this. *Oh damn, here he goes again* I thought. But Sharni's right, I shouldn't take all at first impression. You asked for honest advice, so here goes.

My suggestion would be to not even think of this girl as a potential bedmate. (Hang on, let me explain.) This lady has reservations, blocks as you call em. Be a friend to her first. Communicate with her. This, by virtue of your posts here, may be a bit of *ahem* a challenge to you. Nevertheless, step up to the challlenge. Talk, but more importantly, LISTEN to her. She's got reasons for feeling the way she does about sex and sexuality. I balk at thinking that you, or anyone else, should try to change her mind, but there's nothing at all wrong with showing her how beautiful and natural sex and sensuality can be. If I may make a suggestion, study up yourself. Read a book or two on the subject. I don't mean insert tab A into slot B type manuals or fuck-a-thon erotica. Instead books that explore sensuality and the spirituality of sex.

Now then, when I suggested that she not be considered a bed mate by you, I mean back off. It really sounds as though this lady is feeling pressured by you. That's why she's giving you excuses every 2 seconds, as you put it. Perhaps she fundamentally feels she should wait till she's married. Or, just simply, isn't ready yet. That's her choice, not yours. Support her choice and be a friend to her. If you aren't willing to be patient or to wait, then she isn't the right sexual partner for you, or you for her. Now if things work out and you two form a real, solid relationship and BOTH of you CHOOSE to share it together, then great. But there is a LOT of talking and listening that need to happen first.

My two cents.

P.S.
I also think it would be a wonderful idea for your friend to come visit us. Pixie's has a wonderful way of opening people's minds and attitudes, showing us that sexuality is a beautiful part of life. Oh, and in as much as we'd all love to see her, let her post her own pics, she'd probably appreciate that. :)

Mark Vieth

01-30-2005, 11:29 PM

Ok *pulls up car and hit breaks eeeeerrrrrrr* quite a mouth darogle. Just to clear this up I am not expecting just to insert tab a into slot b as you so elequently put. No I am trying to help her explore her own sexuality. I do respect and understand that it is her body her choice. I have even hinted gently *nudge, nudge* that she try and pleasure herself, well at least try to.

The only way one finds what feels good is to take a grab and grope away.

Then with that little experiment under her belt she would put herself in a far better position instead of saying that it (sex) is dirty.

maddy

01-30-2005, 11:30 PM

I'm not sure how or why I'm back, it must be that human nature to stare at a train wreck, I don't know.

I agree with the idea of giving her the website, let her explore it at her own pace, and she shouldn't feel compelled to be an active participant until she is darn good and ready. I know that I wondered the threads and read for a long time before I ever thought of replying to a post. Pixies (new and old) are an eclectic group of opinions, knowledge, experience, beliefs. And for the most part Pixies are an accepting group of people. I'm confident that she could learn a lot here. But she needs to have the desire to learn, to ask, to explore, to experience. No one can, or should force it upon her. We all come into the exploration and realization of our sexual and sensual selves at differing points in our lives. Somehow I think these points of exploration and realization are maturity related (just my opinion) and not age related. As we are all well aware age does not equal maturity.

As for communicating in here and the concept of newbie vs old timer. It's there, and even though I've been around long enough, I still feel as if I'm quite new. I don't feel I've broken my shoes in and am often reluctant to speak openly, particularly when I think what I have to say might be offensive to a large audience. But that's ME... I'm shy and conservative that way. I certainly know better, and realize not everyone acts or reacts in the same manner as I do (although more than once have I thought the world would be more pleasant if everyone were like me :) ). It's the best thing I can offer as far as advice in surviving a online forum. Think about what you type and how it might be perceived by the audience, recognize we are individuals and as such think, act, and react in differing manners.

Mark, I hope that you and your friend can grow from the experience that is Pixies.

darogle

01-31-2005, 12:03 AM

I was referring to books that discuss techniques rather than insight, not you. You asked for advice, I gave you the best advice I could think of. Don't want it, don't ask for it.

Mark Vieth

01-31-2005, 12:11 AM

Ok thanks for clearing that one up darogle. I'll have a look.......

Kaelynn

01-31-2005, 12:12 AM

I was a virgin when I was introduced to this site by a "friend." He had me read various stories to me and told me to look around the site. That is when I first ran into the chat room.

The first time I was in the chat room I remember being asked if I was a member I wasn't... I didn't know what it meant to be a member... I can't remember who it was but they were angery that I was intruding on their chat room. I left for a long time, I finally came back and ever since have been addicted to this place. I must say that is the only bad experience that I have ever had on pixies... I have never been or felt like I have been attacked... one reason I was so surprised to read this thread... I don't think I have ever seen someone ripped like this... anyway...

This site helped open my mind, before when my "friend" and I started talking I had VERY reserved feelings of sex and anything like it. I was determined to stay a virgin till I was married... He continued to work on me and I am not upset that he did... I finally did give him my "V-Card" lol and I fell in love with him. He on the other hand did recipracate, instead went for his uncle's new wife's sister. No bitterness I swear it, I love the time I had with him and now see why we couldn't be together. In fact I still love him a great deal, and I am so glad I had the chance to experience sex with him... ok getting off topic... lol

Point of the post... let her run around here on her own reading posts will help open her mind, but don't push her on the subject. It was my idea to have sex with him and he questioned me many times before we did it, I ended up begging him.... she will have the idea with time... as did I...

Mark Vieth

01-31-2005, 12:56 AM

Well thank you for that insight. I didn't lose it until I was 21 myself.

Loulabelle

01-31-2005, 03:09 AM

Mark,

Only a couple of days ago you were posting about another girl called Amy, who you were seeing over Christmas, so I assume you've not been 'wooing' this girl for very long.

If you really like this girl and you may be falling love with her, then I'm sure it won't bother you to know that you may have to wait a LOT longer to have sex than you've already waited. A friend of mine recently confessed that she was with her boyfriend a year before they had sex and in the following 18 months of their sexual relationship she never had an orgasm. She's never masturbated and was never really 'switched on' to sex and the guy in question ended the relationship in the end (probably due in part to these factors).

While I can't tell you the thing to say or do to get her to open up sexually, I can tell you that trying to persuade/plead with/cajole her in any way at all are sure fire ways, not only to push her away from you, but also probably mess her head up even more about sex and relationships for the future.

I'd say if you're prepared to love, cherish, be faithful and nurture her indefinitely without the slightest hint that you may EVER have sex with her, then by all means, go for it - you may be just the kind of guy she needs, but if you're not prepared for that, don't even consider trying to have sex with her, it'll end in tears, and they'll be hers.

Mark Vieth

01-31-2005, 04:15 AM

Ok. Not to worry I ain't rushing it. I'm looking for advice on this. And that was yet another that was spot on. Anymore?

Belial

01-31-2005, 05:54 AM

Hi Mark,

If it were me, I would do everything I could to make her feel comfortable around you. Share a bit of yourself, when the subject turns to sex, let her have all the info she wants and get her to understand as fully as possible whatever she is curious about, even if you feel a little embarrassed about sharing certain things, she will sense you letting your guard down which will encourage her to do the same. It sounds to me like the "block" you speak of is made of doubts and anxieties which she needs information and reassurance to destroy. She needs to be the one to break it down - you can help, and help a lot, but you can't do it for her.

Not that I'd know. But I'm good at spinning a line of bullshit, ey? ;)

LixyChick

01-31-2005, 06:43 AM

^^^^ *sitting on the sofa...eating popcorn and drinking a Coke*

Mark Vieth

01-31-2005, 06:44 AM

No Bel, that was good BS. You are right about the anxities and self doubt. The best thing that I can do is give her all the info she needs. Then leave myself open like a book if she has any questions.

PantyFanatic

01-31-2005, 07:31 AM

^^^^ *sitting on the sofa...eating popcorn and drinking a Coke*
* glances at Lixy:rolleyes2……………….. nods ……………. “A LOT of dynamics going on here, ah?”:confused: …………… “Pass some popcorn please.”:) *

cowgirltease

01-31-2005, 01:24 PM

* glances at Lixy:rolleyes2……………….. nods ……………. “A LOT of dynamics going on here, ah?”:confused: …………… “Pass some popcorn please.”:) *

Yep, PF Ya know I've always believed that if you give someone enough rope they will hang themselves............

Sharni

01-31-2005, 01:32 PM

The digs are not helping...back to the original question or just leave it alone :)

Hi all. I'm seeing this girl who is a virgin still. Now that isn't the issue. The issue is how do you get past that "block" that she has put up?

She has only ever had one b/f her entire life and so has very little experience in the matter's of sex. She hasn't even gotten herself off so as to experience an orgasm.

She has about 50 million reservations about every aspect of sex. She thinks that it is unhygenic to give oral, she thinks that it is dirty if a guy cums on her. That is just to name a couple.

So any help would be appreciated.

cowgirltease

01-31-2005, 01:40 PM

MY OPINION:
It's not his place to try to unblock her! It's HER body.
Yeah him diggin on my boyfriend when he was trying to help isn't just real sweet of him either is it?
I'm done here.

osuche

01-31-2005, 01:45 PM

I actually thought Kaelynn's response was most interesting....the man she gave her virginity to did not end up being "the one" ~~ but since she analyzed the situation and made a considered decision, she had no regrets. If I were to craft the perfect sityuation for your lady, it would be mostly the same.

Everyone's journey is different. She needs to read books, maybe make a few online friends, ask questions....and then decide what she is comfortable with. You are merely along for the ride. :)

Lilith

01-31-2005, 02:00 PM

Osuche...I noticed Kaelynn's response too. I would guess that in today's era, your first is probably rarely "the one". And that would be something you would see amongst your peer group. I wonder if it makes some in less of a hurry?

whatswithme69

01-31-2005, 02:26 PM

ya'll both get drunk, take ur pants off and stick ur dick up her arse. lol

Lilith

01-31-2005, 02:35 PM

Now that's romance for ya^^^^!

osuche

01-31-2005, 02:41 PM

Now that's romance for ya^^^^!

The longer I am here, the happier I am that I got the right guy.

WildIrish

01-31-2005, 03:30 PM

ya'll both get drunk, take ur pants off and stick ur dick up her arse. lol

That's like trying to shove a piece of rope through the eye of a needle! :grin:

LixyChick

01-31-2005, 07:02 PM

ya'll both get drunk, take ur pants off and stick ur dick up her arse. lol
This is EXACTLY what I thought about saying this morning...but I went to get a shower...I came back..and I made some popcorn and sat down to see how it all plays out.

*passes PF the popcorn and scolds him..."DON'T stick your dick through the bottom of the cup and make my buttery corn all gooey"!*

But anyway...here's what I was thinking this morning, before my shower...

Pixie "A" asks for help. Pixie "B", "C", and "D" give him sound advice with a different twist from each. Pixie "A" scoffs at the advice. Pixie "B", "C", D", "E", "F" and "G" have seen previous posts from Pixie "A" and want to steer "A" in the right direction, but "A" is having none of it and misunderstanding all posts because they don't have the answer "A" wants to hear.

Pixie "H" takes "A" to the side to chat and find out "the real" person behind the nic. We love "H" so much that "H's" advice is heeded. Calm is strewn across Pixieville. Pixie "I" adds a heartfelt and long thought out reply to Pixie "A"...and Pixie "A" misunderstands/misreads the post and blasts Pixie "I". All Pixies are again upset!

Here's the main malfunction of this thread. A question was asked with a preconceived notion of an answer. The answer wasn't given as the poster would have wanted. ANYTHING said would have been wrong...unless you hit on the answer already dreamed of when the question was asked.

Mark? We speak from the heart here! When we consider a question, we picture ourselves in the exact situation...ergo, the reason I asked for more details in your other thread. If you ask us for advice, we'll do our best to help, as long as you take your time to read each post (and reread it, so that you understand before you post a defensive or derogatory reply) and realize that precious time was spent in trying to add some well thought out insight! We don't take advice lightly here...and if something is stated...it's usually dead on right from past experience!

In finality...I quoted whatswithme69...because I am thinking (after reading this entire thread twice) that this, or something similar, is the answer you initially WANTED to read! Tis why everyone got in such a "pack" ya know! You dissed a lot of very cool people (and...ok...they mighta dissed you too, but you can't say that you didn't invite it in some of your replies!!!).

My advice? Calm down hun! We're here to help, have fun, laugh, cry, sex one another up...etc.! If you ask a question...absorb the answers before you reply!

Geezzzzzzzzzzz...Get this fuckin soapbox out from under me!!!!!!!

BIBI

01-31-2005, 07:20 PM

:thumb: Great post Lixy :wine:

Mark Vieth

01-31-2005, 07:22 PM

BIBI

01-31-2005, 07:29 PM

:thumb: Great post Lixy :wine:

I read the whole thing! :)

cherrypie7788

01-31-2005, 09:01 PM

I agree, great post Lixy..You said it better than anyone else.

LixyChick

01-31-2005, 09:38 PM

Yo Lixy. It's not that I didn't misunderstand or only wanted to hear the answer that I wanted to hear. After getting a pasting earlier, I decided best to see what everyone else would add. Some very sound and good advice came after the fire. And also some jokes along the way.
Yo Mark! You ain't shittin'...some VERY GOOD AND SOUND ADVICE came after, and regardless of what you think (go back and reread the replies...especially darogle's), betwixt the fire.

I'm glad you decided it was best to see what everyone else said. I'm glad you are taking time now to get to know the "family" and to understand our intentions. Sometimes less is more...if you get my drift. Don't do as "I" do...but DO learn from my babbling!

Mark Vieth

01-31-2005, 10:09 PM

Lixy, as I did post in one of my postings (which is here somewhere) that trying to get the right word across can be difficult at best. Of course everyone jumped on the band wagon and shot me down. Unfortunately typing and talking are two different things.

I did say that it is her body her decission. All I want to do is give her the info she may need when it comes time. It may or may not happen with me, but as she is relatively inexperienced in these matter's I want to give her all the pertinent info on it.

LixyChick

01-31-2005, 11:43 PM

*Calm settles over the thread*

OK Mark...so you want to "guide" her? Give her all the pertinent info?

What is it she doesn't know?

I'm still thinking...she knows about all the technicalities...but she just doesn't feel sure that "it" is for her yet.

Hun...really...Go back and reread this entire thread. Especially dote on darogle's sincere reply. He's a really smart guy and wouldn't throw you a curve! I think you've dismissed his whole intention and focused on his "slot A" yada, yada...and didn't even get the analogy. Several peeps have told you similar things throughout this thread, but it seems you missed the points[s] from everyone.

Trust me...I KNOW how hard it is to get a point across in type. But truthfully...a lot of Pixies have made every effort to make the exact same point, just in different words, in this one thread alone...that even I now know how I will handle it if I encounter a reluctant virgin! LOL!

So really, go back...and then we can go forward! K?

Mercury_Maniac

01-31-2005, 11:49 PM

so you say she is a hot 20 year old asian and she's a virgin.

hmmm.....i'm liking it. :D

sorry, back to the seriousness of the thread

Mark Vieth

01-31-2005, 11:55 PM

yep that's it Merc. 20 yr old virgin. Very nice girl.

LixyChick

02-01-2005, 12:02 AM

so you say she is a hot 20 year old asian and she's a virgin.

hmmm.....i'm liking it. :D

sorry, back to the seriousness of the thread
Don't make me come over there and spank your monkey!

Oh wait...MM might love that. Ya know, I might love that too! So, what was my point?

*giggle*

Back to our original, "serious" thread!

Mercury_Maniac

02-01-2005, 12:05 AM

so what else do i have to do to get you to bring your sexy-self over? :D :jester:

Mark Vieth

02-01-2005, 12:13 AM

Lixy, the problem is she that all the info she has is from what she learnt at school in sex ed. She knows diddly squat about any of it.

(Ok she knows that this has to go in there for that to happen). She is leaving it all up to me to figure out. By that I mean she is expecting me to know all the answers for every thing. So I sent her here. I got her to read something and she left the site. As I said she is very shy and curious at the same time. So I am doing what I can.

Sex sites are useless because they show just sex. Pixies is far better for advice on these touchy and often sensitive matter's.

Sharni has also asked her to come here. I asked Sharni to have a chat with her via msn but unfortunately sharni fell asleep. Sharni has also voiced her opinion to me.

maddy

02-01-2005, 12:26 AM

Here's a site that I've visited when I was curious about specific womanly topics. I got the impression the site was written by women for women. It may not prepare her for losing her virginity, but it might help her to better understand and explore her sexual self.... the text can be very blunt and straight forward. I recommended leaving the site with her and letting her explore privately at her own pace. I'm not sure how you gave Pixies to her, but she may need the comfort of privacy to get started in exploration.

My Vagina (http://www.myvag.net)

PantyFanatic

02-01-2005, 01:03 AM

Try a search for “virgin” here at Pixies.

A lot of honest and insightful experience related in these pages.

wyndhy

02-01-2005, 01:15 AM

there are myriad “sex-sites” out there. there are sites that explain it, sites that advocate it, or defile it, condemn it, edify it, exploit it and critique it. you’re not looking in the right places i think. i recommend you begin with links from places like planned parenthood here in the us. or a google search with the right key words. eduxcation can only be a good thing, so explore away together but as for how to go about the business of wooing her…i don't believe that you need woo a virgin any differently than you'd woo a prostitute or a widow or a college freshman or your adolescent crush.

to woo, or at least the connotation i get from the word, implies romance and emotion, not one-night-stands and fuck-buddies, meaning that you pretty much gotta wing it. courtship is a subtle yet dynamic dance. you can never push but never draw away. never judge but never see their blunders as meaningless. never force but you can’t be ineffectual, either. it’s a conundrum, and one that you must work out between you. she’s pretty much the only one that can give you the tools you need to unlock her sexuality. you said you two are already friends. gives you a one-up on most!

i gahtered from what you said that for her, her virginity is something precious. plus she’s skittish to boot. very very very different from the girl last week, so you should treat her accordingly. relationships don’t usually start with sex, sex is a sometime-down-the-road benefit. and even then, besides the obvious physical, there are so many pathways you walk to traverse the whole “mind game” that is emotional sex (meant not in that phrase’s manipulative sense but to express the fact that emotionally charged sexual relationships involve so much more of the brain than just the sating of lust on an available body). i can only hope your emotions involved are something more than selfish, they seem like they could be...

…and as to that issue this thread has dredged up, the issue of your intentions toward this woman and how you think of women generally, which should not be ignored as it is part and parcel of asking for advice. —and I want to inject here that i do not think anyone was unduly harsh, even for pixies— rest assured that there are those, even those who have been members for a long while, who have received advice that was unfavorable or unwanted. it’s what happens when you put yourself out there. there is no accounting for people’s tastes and you have zero control over the outcome. it is only your own input that you can control. but, and this is a big but, as long as anyone can think of sex as the remarkably wonderful consequence of life it is and not as something that should be tallied, debased or denigrated, i find the people here raect as an accepting, supportive and honest lot.

~funny thing: pixies are totally willing to be used and played with… as a free, living and breathing diorama of sexually charged people behaving in exactly those ways.

here it is as i see it —and i’m gonna get a bit harsh here— i have read some of your comments with the sarcasm you intended, quite a few actually…and I get that…that can be funny, but quite a few of your (notice the emphasis on ‘your’) choices of phrase were also churlish in nature and flippant at best. when describing something, personally i’d go with fact over ribald humor. specifically, in your case, andrew dice clay style one-liners. if i could apply a voice to you or draw a caricature of you, so to speak, I would label it ‘player’, or—more harshly still—‘player wannabe’ and a player, to my mind, is a walking metaphor for the full and complete list of what not to do.

but at times you can be guileless and thoughtful . the word woo, for instance. i took that at total face value. it’s a sweet word so you must have sweetness in you. the simple fact that here you are, back again, trying to explain yourself without going on the attack. i believe you when you say you realise she needs time. i’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re still a bit confused as to how you want to express your own sexuality. which, by the way, is not a bad thing. you remind me so much of my younger brother. he can tell me, all in the same breath, that he respects women (and mean it on a very real level) and that he would fuck that chick on tv…”if she had a bag over her head!” when I point out the polar differences to him he says it’s guy thing, he’s just bein’ funny. what I think? all he needs is to accept some guidance on the subject.

the written word.
i completely agree that emotional intention is nearly impossible to convey in a conversation that takes place on virtual paper,…even with the smiles :D…i confess i have agonized over a turn of phase before, myself and i have posted things that i wish i could take bakck but my chance has gone. no-one can ever understand what it is like to read their own words without knowing, firsthand, the intended delivery~where the drummer would improvise the rim-shot. you, yourself, misread a post or two on this very thread. got your back up a bit over something meant only in consideration. it happens.

when all else fails and it’s going down the toilet, be respectful and you can’t go wrong.

the cool part about forums is that you have allllll the time in the world to figure out how you wanna say something. but there comes a point at which the sum of all the parts will equal an irrefutable whole and whom you have shown yourself to be cannot be undone by a few poorly wordeded sentences. (i have always thought that there should be an etiquette sticky to give us all the skinny before we plunge blindly ahead :D) so as i see it you can either a.)choose your words carefully and if it’s a joke make sure it’s obvious or b.)inoculate us with your sense of humor until everyone finally gets it and put up with the ire you may bestir along the way. to be your whole self or a version of yourself…. a very profound decision indeed. for my part, i got a taste of this and i almost blew it. i recommend you compromise. be who you are in real life if real life allowed you to show a naked picture of yourself or voice an intimate thought and no-one had a single nasty thing to say about it and somebody even asked if you might be able to baby-sit their kids tomorrow.

just like anywhere…there will be people you like and people you don’t. there will be people who don’t like you, either. tragically, there is no law that states everyone must be friends. and, yes lixy told it true, we take the advice forum quite seriously ;)

errr….*flips up her skirt and wiggles her ass in due penance for this post’s garrulous nature…and all the big words:p*

wyndhy

02-01-2005, 01:21 AM

this is the last time i pop into the advice column after smoking a pre-simcity joint. :eek: :p

GingerV

02-01-2005, 02:57 AM

IF an etiquette sticky ever does get made, I've got one vote right here that wyhndhy's post get made a part of it. That was wonderful.

To take my own stab at answering the question I imagine was intended, and I am sorry if I'm getting it wrong, if my partner was less adventurous than I was....but curious about the big, wide sexy world out there....I'd say you were doing it wrong, actually. I don't mean that badly...but as much as I do love that everyone's got their own kink, it can be pretty intimidating at first. Rather than try to convince her that cum-baths are perfectly healthy or deep-throating really is a blast (not saying those are what you're focusing on, truthfully I don't know what you're focusing on)...you've got to follow her lead. Find what interests her, or what turns her on. Not by taking her to a smorgasbord of sex and saying "choose my dearest, it's all good", but rather by listening to what she comes up with herself. At first that might be more focused on romantic vanilla sex....under a moon, or in front of a fire, or coming home and finding your SO in formal wear with a rose between their teeth. Classics that still turn my crank, but before I broadened my horizons THAT'S what I wanted. I worked my way into the rest of it slowly, and at my own pace, one step at a time.

I know you've said that she wants you to lead, but leading in the sense of pulling her along may not be right. And from what you've said, it doesn't appear to be working. Instead of trying to lecture her about all the good stuff out there, teach in the sense of a parent....holding her hands, keeping her steady and safe, while she teaches herself to walk. You've got a son, you remember what that was all about, right? :)

It may be a year before she decides she's ready. That's fine. It may be twice that before she wants to go for kink. You have to let that be ok too. Cause one of the things I've seen go wrong with my friends when they were starting to be sexual is that in order to impress/keep the more experienced men they were inevitably falling for...they tried to run before they could walk. They went for kink and technique to proove that they were "real women" and it shouldn't ever have been necessary.

And that's enough for me. Hope this helps some. Really, it is just a reiteration of what came before...but I couldn't help putting in my 2cents.

G

Teddy Bear

02-01-2005, 03:35 AM

And on that note I say lets move on.

Seems everything that can be said has been.

There must be something else we can talk about...... :D

Mark Vieth

02-01-2005, 03:47 AM

Well well. This is going well. Thank you ginger and wyndy for your very helpful insights.

Just a bit more about me. I am a leo and also a hopeless romantic when it comes to girls. I dote my time and attention on them and sure I get a slap in the face along the way. (who hasn't?)

I know this will contradict what I once said before but I'll also explain that as well.
Because I am a hopeless romantic and the right girl comes along as is in this case, I cross my t's and dot my i's accordingly. I don't rush anything nor do I take things for granted. Sure she wants to open her doors (so to speak) and try new things, but she will need guidance and I am more than capable of doing that. When she is ready then I get a stirring suspicion that I'll be the first to know.

Now the contradiction that I mentioned. In one of my previous threads and posts I have talked about this girl Krystal. Now the sad fact was she just wanted to have sex so she was no longer a virgin.

It actually goes against my character, yeah I'll probably get shot again here. And as I said before she was all over me like a bad habbit making it very clear as to what she wanted. (And they say that guys can't control themselves) So being a guy I did the only natural thing. Now I should have said no or this is not the way I go about things.

Amy was a different case. Her and I clicked from the word go,I know that we had sex but it wasn't rushed or prefabricated. It just happened in a, (for a better or worse word) normal way.

Now as far as me being an egotistical male as I may have portrayed myself in the past, I don't see women as sex objects nor do I wish too. Sure I may think about bonking a girl but that is only a thought. (like anyone it's human nature to think that of the opposite sex)

Those that take the time to get to know me in here will also see my unique and often very funny sense of humour. I have indicated a "joke" here in brackets to hopefully get the correct meaning without getting blasted again.

lonelyarmywife

02-01-2005, 05:50 AM

Good grief! You long winded posters need to put cliff's notes at the bottom or something for us small minded tools who can't comprehend it all!!!

Just kidding...much love thrown out to some very sound thinking :x:

WildIrish

02-01-2005, 09:03 AM

it’s what happens when you put yourself out there. there is no accounting for people’s tastes and you have zero control over the outcome. it is only your own input that you can control. but, and this is a big but, as long as anyone can think of sex as the remarkably wonderful consequence of life it is and not as something that should be tallied, debased or denigrated, i find the people here raect as an accepting, supportive and honest lot.

I love reading your post's wyndhy...but my ADD kicked in big time! Thank goodness you said something about big butts, cause it helped get me back on track again! :D

Mark - you are paying the price for the tone you inadvertently set with your first posts. Had you been more elaborate with the details, as you did above, everyone may have had a better understanding of where you're coming from. Referring to intercourse with the previous virgin as a Mercy Fuck labled you someone with no respect for women. Outlining the circumstances as you just have, indicates that you did something that brings the respect you have for yourself into question. We've all made mistakes. Recognizing them and learning from them helps shape us into better people. We only have what you tell us to figure out who you are. And knowing who you are helps us to answer your questions.

Speaking of your question...from what I can determine, you are dating a virgin that seems sexually curious at times but because of her upbringing, is inhibited and unknowledgable in intimate matters. She has expressed this to you and requested that you help her explore the world of sex so that when she is comfortable with the idea of intercourse...she can enter into the experience with an informed mind, and ready to have fun. As part of your crusade for information to present her with, you have enlisted the aid of Pixies. Well, I can tell you that there aren't many places out there that can help anyone become informed with the idea of sex better than Pixies can. But it's not through us answering your questions that she will benefit, but through wandering around previous posts (as PF suggested) and by asking her own. In my opinion...the best thing you can do to help her is to send her the link.

I'm wildirish...and I approve of this message. :D

Mark Vieth

02-01-2005, 09:34 AM

Well WI I take a bow to you my man. I also hope that my explaining myself better this time round get's me on a better track with those here.

BIBI

02-01-2005, 09:50 AM

I swore I wasn't going to post to this thread again but here goes....

Your young lady is Asian.
Being so she has probably been brought up in a completely different culture and has a mindset that you cannot fathom. You need to become educated about her.
Maybe you should investigate through reading what has brought her to the belief system she has had ingrained in her.Once you understand the cultural difference more, maybe then she can slowly learn yours.

That's it! I am out of here!

wyndhy

02-01-2005, 09:54 AM

it might or itmight not but you are going about it the right way and that's something to be proud of. :x:

oh, and WI?...

:moon::p

Mark Vieth

02-01-2005, 10:46 AM

Ok Bibi. As it stands I am in the middle of said negotiatians. I am getting to understand her and surprise surprise making good progress.

WildIrish

02-01-2005, 10:54 AM

oh, and WI?...

:moon::p

Don't tease me like that! :D

PantyFanatic

02-01-2005, 11:41 AM

You can tease me like that ANYTIME. :lust:

WildIrish

02-01-2005, 01:43 PM

You can tease me like that ANYTIME. :lust:

Why thank you PF...I didn't know you even noticed! ;)

LixyChick

02-01-2005, 04:45 PM

so what else do i have to do to get you to bring your sexy-self over? :D :jester:
*Bursts into the thread...holding a droopy chocolate licorice straw as if it were a gun*

NOBODY MOVE! THIS IS A HIJACK! No one will get hurt as long as you follow my instructions!

OK MM...this is what I want you to do. Take some new pics of yourself...sitting at your puter with a pic of me (your fave from my archives) visible on your monitor and a handful of cum! Make a new picture thread and name it "Lixy Made Me Do It". PM me as soon as the thread is done...and we'll see about my coming out to visit you! :devilish:

*Bites a chunk off the licorice straw and blows on the piece left as if it were a smoking gun*

OK EVERYBODY...RESUME WHAT YOU WERE DOING!

Oh...*curtsey*...and thank you for letting me hold ya here for a while. I don't really have a gun *giggles and holds up the limp licorice*...I was just joshing you. :rofl:

*A :x: for MM...full on the lips...and as I speed out the door I hear whispers of, "Who was that sweet hijacker"?*

WildIrish

02-01-2005, 04:52 PM

...and as I speed out the door I hear whispers of, "Who was that sweet hijacker"?

That wasn't me you heard.

I was the one that said "nice ass". :D

AngelicVampires

02-01-2005, 06:32 PM

So, as I am still a virgin (and yes, one very very reluctant about sex), I hope that I can help you understand her train of thought. There are a lot of things about sex that I don't understand and probably never will until I really experience it. There is a lot of fear in the unknown and sex is not an exception. I have recently started dating a guy who respects me enough to accept that I am not ready for sex. Putting pressure on someone to experience something that they feel they are not ready for is disrespectful. It is a big step for some people and making such a decision takes time. The only way to "woo" her is to give her time to become comfortable with sex on her terms. Pressuring just makes it worse. If you really care about her, you will respect her decision and not question it. She will decide when she is ready for it. It's hard enough to make that decision on your own without having someone on the sidelines trying to coach you too. Really, it's all about choosing what is right for you and making sure that it IS right. It's a big step for some people and it deserves a lot of consideration and understanding from both sides. :)

Mae

02-01-2005, 07:09 PM

cowgirltease

02-01-2005, 08:31 PM

AngelicVampires

02-01-2005, 08:35 PM

PantyFanatic

02-01-2005, 09:45 PM

.... Take some new pics of yourself...sitting at your puter with a pic of me (your fave from my archives) visible on your monitor and a handful of cum! .....
Ahhh, Mercury_Maniac.:rolleyes2 ………………… I know where you can get some of those if you need them. :o

Mercury_Maniac

02-01-2005, 11:34 PM

*

OK MM...this is what I want you to do. Take some new pics of yourself...sitting at your puter with a pic of me (your fave from my archives) visible on your monitor and a handful of cum! Make a new picture thread and name it "Lixy Made Me Do It". PM me as soon as the thread is done...and we'll see about my coming out to visit you! :devilish:

well is that all? :D

as soon as i get a chance i'll get right on it :devilish:

Mark Vieth

02-02-2005, 03:44 AM

Mark...When she's ready, she'll let you know. Don't push it. If you care, like you say you do, let it be. Seems like you're the one with the problem. Sex is not a "be all and end all". Look at the bigger picture.
Mae all I am trying to accomplish here is to give her all the advice and pertinent info on this. So she can make a choice whether she wants to experiment or not. It is her body after all, and it's an unchartered area for her.

Mark Vieth

02-02-2005, 03:46 AM

I forgot to mention that if you try to pressure her into this there's a good chance you will lose her. It only makes sense that if you care, you care about her completely.....her thoughts, beliefs, morals, etc.
AV not to worry I am not pressuring her. I am merely gathering info and advice for her. So she can make her own decission.

Mark Vieth

02-02-2005, 03:47 AM

Well well, now this thread is starting to really gather some momentum. Keep it coming people.

Cheyanne

02-02-2005, 07:53 AM

I didn't think that I would come back here either, but I have a personal experience, or journey if you will, that I want to share with you Mark that I hope will maybe have you understand her relunctance or "block" as you call it and the curiosity.

When I married Cobalt I was ignorant and a prude about certain aspects of sexuality or "kink" as some call it here ;) . He, being a very sexual person, exposed me to many different ideas and I did explore them through reading, internet and books, because I was curious. However, my level of curiosity didn't match my comfort level. Because of a past relationship, I was totally against porn (mags, vids, etc.) He wanted to discuss what I was discovering because it interested him. At times, I felt as if he were pushing me to try things out and I wasn't really sure if I was ready or interested. I needed my time alone to discover if I was interested in trying some things, I needed to gather the information at my own speed without him trying to give me the information from his perspective. At times I felt pushed into things that I wasn't sure I was comfortable with in order to please him. His persistence (in my mind and in his he was only helping me over my block) at times made me mad and I would go into the "damned if I will do it for you" mode.

What he did do eventally, after I explained to him what I was feeling, was leave me alone about my explorations. He lets me find things, "research" and then if I am interested I bring it up. He does occassionally bring up an idea or shows me something on the internet that interests him, but he leaves it up to me to decide if I want to explore that.

He doesn't have a mission to give me all the information, or to help me over my hump or increase my comfort level. He lets me do that. And that is what I suggest you do with your friend. Give her the places, books, mags, where the information is at and let her explore on her own and explore alone where she isn't hovered over. Let her discover for herself and satisfy her own curiosity by herself for now. Oh, you can be there if she has questions, but just answer the question or perhaps point her to a source for information.

Does she have her own internet connection? If she does, just give her this site address and let her explore it on her own by herself for now without hovering over her or being in the same place as she is. Let her grow on her own, but be there for her when she has questions.

Mark Vieth

02-02-2005, 09:25 AM

Thanks Chey. Well I am doing that as well. I have given her various sites to check out. I gave her pixies but she didn't have a look. She may have in her own time. Maddy gave me a good link that I sent to her. She had a look and found it helpful.

From what she has told me already, she wants to try a coulple of small things first before she goes any further. Baby steps. Now of course I am listening to her and just holding her hand for any support she may need.

I can also understand how overwhelming her with too much can get on her case. As it is, she is actually taking it all in good stride.

AngelicVampires

02-02-2005, 11:28 AM

AV not to worry I am not pressuring her. I am merely gathering info and advice for her. So she can make her own decission.

Awesome. Give her info on what she asks about and go at her pace. Good luck with your relationship! :)

Mark Vieth

02-02-2005, 11:33 AM

Thanks AV. I'll keep it in mind. The good thing is she is willing to try things. Now at her pace and when she is ready of course. So I'm just hanging on for the ride (so to speak). It will be an interesting time for her. I also get a sneaking suspicion that when she is ready I'll be the first to know.

Mae

02-03-2005, 12:10 AM

Mark...AV has good advice and she puts it in writing well.

Mark Vieth

02-03-2005, 12:23 AM

Mae, I realise that. I am just waiting for anymore advice to float through here.

Mark Vieth

02-06-2005, 10:35 AM

I just wanted to say thank you to all the pixies who have put their view across on this sensitive and often touchy subject.

I have heeded the advice that all of you have said and will put it to good use at the correct time.

So again......thank you all.

boilergirl1

02-20-2005, 09:36 PM

this is where i officially and publicly appologize to mark for being semi rude to him one nit in chat I am truly sorry for being semirude mark please accpt this appology and lets start fresh ok?

sweetlady

02-22-2005, 05:19 PM

I haven't read most of the posts. I got so far and then decided I really didn't want to read it all, and so I may make some redundant or even pointless points here. Who knows, maybe you even already had sex with her. But here goes anyhow.

In my opinion, the most important thing you can do is to be open about things yourself. Behave as if sex is a natural, and wonderful thing. Behave as if every part of her is beautiful and wonderful. Behave as if you're surprised she thiniks of any part of sex as "wrong" or "bad." And mention that "yes, I'm dirty minded alright" with the attitude of "dirty" as a fun word, not a "bad" word. Help her understand the difference.

Be open yourself to new things. Not to put too fine a point on it, but here's a PERFECT example: If, say, you were to have oral sex, but then you didn't want her to kiss you after a blow job. This is a HORRIBLE double standard. Honey, if it's good enough for her mouth, it had DAMN WELL better be good enough for yours. If it's not, you'd best think twice before you allow her to do something that's not good enough for you! Much less ask her to....

The next thing is to treat her statements with respect. How do you do that? It's kind of vague, I think. Here's one way. If she thinks that oral sex is dirty, don't ask for it again. Ask if you may be allowed to just try it on her, if she says no, then let the issue drop. Bring it up again later on, after she's relaxed about other things some. Bring it up in a very sincere, GENTLE manner. Make it always a request, and a very loving one. Never pressure, never push, never demand. Always drop the subject for a long period of time after it's been discussed once. Always present it as if you don't understand her issue with it being dirty. Never agree or say you understand. Simply that you respect it and accept that she feels that way.

Never EVER, no matter WHAT, speak badly of another woman for doing something you want her to do!!! I cannot possibly stress that enough, if I made it red, huge, all caps, and with flames coming off it. What you say about other women ABSOLUTELY and TREMENDOUSLY impacts your SO's views.

If you don't want her to feel that you'd look down on her for wearing a thin shirt so her nipples stand up and can be seen, DO NOT DO IT TO OTHER WOMEN. Ever.

Additionally. With a woman who has these strict values, you will need to remain faithful to her. Perhaps some time later, she may become interested in other people entering the relationship. She may not. If you cannot live with that, then walk away now, because it's a 20/80 chance with the higher proportion going towards not wanting it.

Meaning, no more "she was putting her pussy right in my face and begging me to fuck her, I had no choice!" You have a choice. If you can't wait for this woman, you can't wait for her, and you need to move on, because all you will do is hurt her. Unless, of course, you don't care about that and just want to ejaculate into a warm body.

In which case, buy a goat. Just ask her for permission first. :rofl:

WildIrish

02-22-2005, 05:25 PM

sweetlady

02-22-2005, 05:29 PM

Buy a goat? :confused:

What'd the poor goat do? And do you mean "ask the goat for permission" or ask his girlfriend for permission to purchase said goat?

I'm sorry...I'm a little woozy from that line about stiff nipples in thin shirts. :D

Ok, serious talk now. Good job sweetlady. :thumb:

Well, ask the goat, of course! Consentual sex is the only way to go!

I was gonna suggest a RealDoll, but they're too big to warm up in the microwave to body temperature....

WildIrish

02-22-2005, 05:38 PM

Well, ask the goat, of course! Consentual sex is the only way to go!

I was gonna suggest a RealDoll, but they're too big to warm up in the microwave to body temperature....

Well, what if you just nuke the good stuff? :grin:

sweetlady

02-22-2005, 10:53 PM

Okay, I've read the thread now.

I'm going to make a really wild, out of the blue, odd suggestion. From some of the sounds of it, she may want to be dominated. I would need more information to be certain, but that's how it sounds.

http://www.castlerealm.com/

This is an excellent site to help you understand women who want or need this.

The first most important and serious thing I can tell you about this is this... whatever you do, go about bringing it up with absolute love, care, and concern. It's not a simple thing, and it's important that you introduce her to the idea slowly and build up trust. If you discover that she's a submissive woman, and the next day tell her to get on her knees and suck you off, you'll ruin everything in one instant. Don't do it, you'll destroy her emotionally and mentally with that bullshit.

And the next thing I want to say is that you should never, ever, at any time, assume that just because she's submissive and wants to be dominated (IF YOU DISCOVER THAT AT ALL) it means she wants to be hurt or given pain. Particularly in the asian culture, domination is mental, not physical, so it's unlikely that she'll be interested in whips and chains, you'll have to be more creative than that.

In my opinion, and that's all it is, and please, please, tread carefully here.... she is a submissive woman. She does look to you for guidance, thus she expects YOU to the one who tells her whether or not it's digusting to do this or that. But in order to be able to tell her that it's desirable behavior from her, you must earn her trust on a deep, fundamental level.

Notice I said EARN it. Keep in mind that to truly dominate a woman, it must be something she's aware of, and that she's GIVING to you. All control over another person is given. As a submissive who left my controlling (note I didn't say dominating, but controlling) husband who decided to force control over me, let me tell you that it's a rough road to recovery and to allowing yourself to trust again afterwards.

That is the effect you can have on this woman... you can teach her that her submissive nature (again, assuming that's how she is!! and she may not be!!!!) is a good, beautiful, desirable, wonderful thing. Or, you can destroy her by preying upon it and being a devourer who violently attempts to rip her freedom from her. If you do the second, you WILL lose in the end, it WILL come back to bite you horribly and painfully.

I am offering this site to you, as it seems that you may have a woman on your hands who "needs your guidance and instruction" and actually wants it to be thus.

It teaches you how to guide from a hand of gentleness and compassion, how to be a loving "master" instead of a demonic destroying incubus. It teaches you your responsibilities, it guides you in the proper approach to her and in how to protect her and meet her needs. That is the give and take of this sort of relationship. Do not look into it lightly, because the weight of being a master or "dom/me" is a heavy one, and only a fool attempts it without genuine wisdom, understanding, and caution.

In particular, pay close close attention to this particular page before even THINKING about approaching her with the concept: http://www.castlerealm.com/subspace/subneed.htm

And again, if you are not ready to accept a VERY heavy responsibility, don't even think about clicking those links, because you will fail if you are not ready to become truly responsible and to have the overwhelming, omnipresent weight of having someone else's life and hopes in your hands. If you think about that for a while, and don't get a sense of awe and fear so intense it gives you goosebumps and moves you nearly to tears, you're not ready to even consider it. It's that important, it's that heavy a responsibility.

Lilith

02-22-2005, 11:01 PM

I'm curious as to what you read that makes you suggest this?

sweetlady

02-22-2005, 11:07 PM

I'm curious as to what you read that makes you suggest this?

He has repeated several times that she appears to be looking to him for advice and for guidance. In spite of the several times that he has "mis spoken" his intentions, it appears to me that he genuinely cares for her, and he wishes to provide the guidance she's seeking, but he's frustrated as to how to do it. I'm suggesting that he read the site, and talk with her about her feelings, because if she keeps coming to him and seeking guidance, it's entirely possible that she bases all of her "what's dirty and what's not" on the word of those whom she sees as authority figures, and has no real sense of what SHE thinks of as being actually dirty or wrong. This is typical submissive behavior.

(EDIT: It would also cause her to feel like doing something "dirty" will run him off, even if she may be intrigued or interested in it. It's a whole other thing when told to do it than when having to make a decision to do it or not, and take the risk of being seen as dirty or bad by someone whose opinion matters extremely greatly to you.)

I am further explaining to him that if he wants to become that authority figure whose viewpoints she accepts as being "right" he will have to earn it and quit trying to just wrestle it away from her. If he wants to learn the responsible, mature, intelligent way of becoming someone whom she trust to tell her (again, ASSUMING SHE IS SUBMISSIVE) what is and what is not "appropriate" then he will have to learn to take responsibility, and to accept guidance himself before he can ever, ever hope to guide someone else.

But you can feel free to remove my posts if you want, doesn't matter to me, was just trying to offer my insights, pathetic though they may be.

Lilith

02-22-2005, 11:21 PM

I agree it's submissive behavior but does not mean she has any urge/need/desire/consciousness to enter into a dominant/submissive sexual relationship like that of the BDSM lifestyle. If "submission is a gift" the giver must consciously give it and not simply be someone who has not found their own way yet. She seems to be a virgin who is naturally forming her ideas of sexuality based on external ideas. Once she has some experiences to build on then she will be better prepared to make decisions about what she wants/needs/believes from her own internal sources. I see your reasoning but respectfully disagree with your suggestion. No reason to remove your post...we are all posting as arm chair quarterbacks seeing as how none of us really know the circumstances from her point of view. Your opinion is as worthy as anyone's.

sweetlady

02-22-2005, 11:27 PM

That's why I was careful to give a site that stresses repeatedly and constantly the need for both partners to be aware. And again, this is not so much a BDSM site, it is almost, but not quite, exclusively a D/s site. I have already stated that he should NOT assume she desires pain. This site stresses the importance of consentual understanding by both partners. It stresses knowing the limits of your partner and not crossing them, and the partner having full understanding of what the relationship is.

There are elements of the BDSM there, but the vast majority of the site is devoted to the D/s portion of the relationship and the responsibilities the dominant partner has.

Lilith

02-23-2005, 12:14 AM

I'm familiar with the site...just seems fruitless to me. I obviously just see this situation differently than you do. She has stated her limits in wanting to retain her virginity (which could be seen as anything but submissive) but he mentions attempting to remove her "blocks". IMO that's not the sign of a person who makes a good Dom (respecting limits). Nothing I've read suggests she has the background to know whether she would consciously choose submission. And reading a website, no matter how wonderful it is, is not going to give her real life experiences to help her make those choices. I agree it's a great site but I think it's sort of putting the cart before the horse in this case. I suppose we all draw our conclusions based on our own personal experiences and from my experience this situation doesn't scream D/s to me. I'm sure some would argue that broadening one's knowledge base is never fruitless.

Mark Vieth

02-23-2005, 01:36 AM

You 2 aren't getting into a cat fight over little old me are you? lol

Seriously though, she isn't a sub nor am I a dom. I'm just your average Jo who has stumbled upon a beautiful cherry blossom. Now sex isn't the issue here. Just to fill in a blank here as well, she tried masturbation the other night and as it was her first time it was all new to her and as such nothing happened. Anyway, moving on. The one thing I have asked her to do, is to keep an open mind with new things. Nothing more. I am taking my time with her and only pushing in a gentle manner. I am only moving at her pace with a slight bump from me. I am gaining her trust slowly.

I do understand and respect that it is her decission in the end. I am not stupid. Each of us is different when it comes to sex. I remember my first time which I have posted on a thread on the subject. It is as scary as hell delving into the unknown. All I am attempting to do is to hold her hand through the murky waters. She is in Malaysia until Friday and she get's back to Australia on saturday. Now the last time I saw her was last year as she had to leave to see family in Malaysia. So physically nothing has happened. I do talk with her via msn and have got a good rapor going. So far, I have done everything in a respectful manner. Cheeky sure, (who isn't?) we have a few laughs and that is that. I am beginning to understand her more now as we have gradually progressed. That is what's important.

It may seem as though I have done a 180 here. All I can say is the advice given to me in here, has shown me that in order to get to point Z from point A, I have to go through all the other ones first. That is what I am doing.

Lilith

02-23-2005, 07:04 AM

No cat fight just very different views on a situation.

I liked your cherry blossom analogy. She seems to be someone who has had a fairly sheltered existence, and has not had the opportunity to find out how it all works on her own quite yet. I think it's great you want to accompany her on this journey. I don't think she needs a guide and she certainly doesn't need a Dom. It will be an honor to see how she changes as she ripens;) Mark you are a lucky man (but you seem to know that).

sweetlady

02-23-2005, 07:15 AM

You 2 aren't getting into a cat fight over little old me are you? lol

First off, there is a history here you don't know about, so putting your foot into it isn't wise at all.

Second off, if you want help, I suggest you attempt to treat people with some respect.

I came into this thread and, despite seeing you gleefully rub any number of people the wrong way, I chose to offer you advice in a sincere and serious manner. Your comment isn't funny. Nor is it cute. It's not appreciated, or appropriate. Perhaps you should start at working on curbing your tongue before you work on anything else, because all you have done in this entire thread is alienate everyone who has offered you sincere advice with it.

If you want people to take you seriously and be respectful towards you, then I strongly suggest that you learn to keep your mouth shut until you know people. If you had bothered to take the time to do that, you'd realize how extremely inappropriate your statement was. Sarcasm and humor at the expense of others is to be used sparingly and with a great deal of humility and WISDOM, or it simply makes you look bratty, childish, churlish, and rude.

I chose to give you the benefit of the doubt, mostly on Sharni's words. So let me help you out a little bit. For her sake, as someone who vouched for you, maybe you should tone it down and show some RESPECT towards those attempting to help you.

Respect does not include making crass jokes towards and/or about women you don't know. Not all of us appreciate your brand of humor, and personally, I found you rather oblivious and obtuse before, now I simply find you rude and annoying. Even after I read through the thread and saw how abrasive you are, I still tried hard to give it an honest and sincere try.]

And if you want to, you can get defensive and lash out at me. Before you do, keep in mind that YOU chose to be disrespectful. The comments like this that you make are what cause people to think you're an ass and that you don't respect women. Because your comments and behavior say you do not.

"Don't have a catfight over little old me" is locker room talk. It's never appropriate when said to two women you don't know. EVER. It is furthermore extremely, EXTREMELY disrespectful to say it to your elders when they are having nothing more than a simple, respectful disagreement on point of view. It makes you look like an ill-mannered clod.

If you wonder why no one appears to appreciate your humor, it's not because no one appreciates your humor as it is. It's because you misuse it. No stranger wants to hear jokes at their expense. I am not your friend, I am not your buddy, and if you continue to alienate me with rudeness, with snide comments, and with disrespect, then I never will be. It is your choice to make.

Lastly, learn when things are serious. If you make jokes like that in the middle of serious, important discussions, your girlfriend will never ever take YOU serious when you say that you respect her. No woman will EVER believe you respect her when you blurt out inappropriate, sarcastic jokes in the middle of serious conversations. In fact, most men will quickly tire of that behavior as well.

In a nutshell:

Don't make jokes with people until you know them. NEVER make jokes at people's expense until you know them very well. If you do, you set yourself up to be disliked. It is rude, it is disrespectful, and it is your own fault when people turn a cold shoulder on you afterwards. Learn to curb your tongue, or live with the consequences.

If you want people to believe your constant cries of "I do too respect women!" then quit making crass, rude, stupid jokes about women, particularly ones you don't know. This is a mixed forum, not the locker room, knock it off.

Lilith

02-23-2005, 07:45 AM

You feel this way and suggested he look into his responsibilities as a Dom?

He made another off the cuff remark (in jest, be it sexist or not, it was meant as a tension breaker), most likely because he felt uncomfortable being the center of our opposing views. Not a brilliant choice but he did try to clarify his position as he sees it in his relationship which did not coincide with your opinion. You have chosen to respond by chastizing him. It seems to be a pattern as has been viewed in other threads where your view does not match the situation and others disagree with you. If you are going to pipe up an opinion then you need to be prepared to have it questioned. While chastizing his attitude you might want to take 5 minutes to reflect on yours as well. I don't need you to tell Mark how he should or should not respond to me. You speak for yourself (especially where you spouted that respect your elders stuff, respect is earned). If this thread taught me anything it's that if I need clarification I should go to the source before I jump on someone for what I perceive. That's why I simply asked you to show me how you were drawing the conclusions you did.

cherrypie7788

02-23-2005, 07:49 AM

Please...I think Mark has been flamed enough since he's been here. He was trying to be funny, not disrespectful.

Lilith

02-23-2005, 07:53 AM

I certainly felt that was his intention too and is why I did not take it to heart. If I were chastized for every time I said something off the cuff then I'd be in a world of trouble:D

sweetlady

02-23-2005, 08:24 AM

I'm not "chastising" him for disagreeing with me. I'm "chastising him" for jumping in with remarks when he doesn't know the situation. As I stated, there is a history here, and I do not wish to be the butt of jokes that involve people who have in the past caused me to feel that I am completely unwelcome here. Clearly that feeling was correct.

I suggested what I did because I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt, and because I felt he was already showing some of the tendencies. I was hoping that if he was going to continue to "guide" and direct her, that he would read up on it and take a less blundering and oblivious approach to it. But not to worry, I am regretting having done so, on several levels. Not the least of which is that I figured before I even did that I would be flamed for it by other women in particular. I think it's best that I simply don't say anything more about anything, as my opinion is not welcome here, and that was made clear to me before. I simply had made the mistake of thinking that I had misunderstood or taken it too seriously/personally.

Lilith

02-23-2005, 08:31 AM

I stated clearly and meant it, your opinion is as worthy as anyone else's. You are perfectly welcome to have your say but be ready to have it questioned, especially when others see it as coming from left field. You are just as responsible for what you post as is anyone else. You were in no way flamed...your opinion was questioned,clarification was requested. If you can't see a difference then you might be right that you take things too personally. We all do at times.

Mark Vieth

02-23-2005, 09:04 AM

Hey it's not my fault people can't take a bit of a joke. Even if it was meant as a tension breaker. Man I hate being the centre of attention. I had finished this thread with that big "thank you" to all. As far as I was concerned this topic is over and done with.

Sweetlady, I don't disrespect people with sly or inappriate remarks. I am australian and I have a different sense of humour than most. Now it has gotten me into hot water on more than one occasion in here. But everyone adjusted and understand my humour.

Now not to jump on the band wagon here, but Lil is right. You missinterpretated what I said. I wasn't having a go at anybody. I did get into the seriousness of the thread and spoke about it.

I have one thing to say also Sweetlady, be careful of what you say. You said that I shouldn't jump in on things that I don't understand. Well maybe YOU should heed your own advice and not jump into things you don't understand!

BIBI

02-23-2005, 09:43 AM

You know I guess I should have gone with my first impression at the start of this thread and called on Chinese Pussy to have a go at it....

I'm sure she would have been able to enlighten us all on the cultural differences regarding sex for asian women. She does have a definate edge on the issue....

Mark Vieth

02-23-2005, 11:12 PM

BIBI

02-23-2005, 11:40 PM

Well Bibi that brings up an interesting question. That is why haven't any of the asians that frequent pixies made any comments? I know that I finished this thread with that big "thank you" to all posting, however prior to that, there was plenty of time and opportunity for them (asians) to come forward and put their views in. If they still want to, they can.

Well you would have to ask them why they didn't participate in your thread for I cannot answer the question for you.

As far as the thread being finished...LOL they are never finished as I am sure you noticed with all the old threads that have been bumped lately

denny

02-24-2005, 02:21 AM

I am slow coming to this post, no pun intended.

Sex comes as you both become comfortable and build the trust and desire that normally precede it. Give your relationship a chance to blossom without forcing sex as an issue.
Good luck.

Mark Vieth

02-24-2005, 03:08 AM

Catch22

02-24-2005, 04:17 AM

Confucius say;
Many old threads, make dirty tapestry.

Mark Vieth

02-24-2005, 05:10 AM

Confucius say;
Many old threads, make dirty tapestry.

LMAO. Damn that's funny. :jump:

Stinger

03-29-2005, 07:54 AM

Not sure where you stand on this, Mark.
I agree your first post wasn't very good, but I got the lagist of it.

My wife and I have been together for 16 years and we were each other's first. Her and I played around a month before our first time, but it was always up to her. She too had sexual hang ups because she felt sex was a bad thing and only for procreation. I would only go as far as she let me. Yes, it was frustration, but I cared for her and was willing to wait as long as she wanted. That would be my advise...talk to her about sex and what might be reservations. My wife wanted to know that I would be there after we went all the way (Still loving each other after 16 years), wanted to know that she wasn't going to get pregnant (I had to use two condoms or there wasn't anyway we would), wanted to know it wouldn't hurt (I popped her cherry with my thumb a week earlier accidently, but when we did, it didn't hurt at all.), wanted to know that I would be gentle. Reassure her, be patient, and understand that she may say yes multiple times, but after getting into it, she may get nervous and decide not to, so you need to be willing to take some cold showers and not get upset with her if she does. A woman is stimulated mentally so you need to start there first and not in her pants.