Tell me I did the right thing.

[lonelyarmywife]

my husband has an old girlfriend that he talks to. Not on a regular basis, but they drop an email once in a while. She is actually the best friend of his best friend's girlfriend, so they stay in touch. I'm very touchy about her, because he cheated with her early in our relationship. It's always bothered me that he corrosponds with her. I figure, he cheated with her once, what's to stop from doing it again? Plus, I;m pretty insecure about my weight, and she's skinnier than me, and basically everything i think he wants in a woman. he knows how I feel, but we both agree that the past is the past. I'm really trying to get over all that.

She dropped him an email the otehr day letting him know what she was up to. I'm cleaning out his email for him about once a week, so i see all his mail. I responded to her that he was overseas and gave her his new email address if she wanted to contact him. This was REALLY hard for me to do. It would have been so easy to delete the message and pretend it never happened. But my shoulder angel said that I had to do the right thing - besides, what's he going to do five thousand miles away? The devil on the other shoulder was real quick to remind me that he would be back eventually.

I trust my husband. But we all know how attached we can sometimes get to a bit of the past. someone tell me I did the right thing. I know I did, I just need to hear it from someone else.

LAW

[Lilith]

I was sooooo hoping you sent it so I could indeed say it!!!!


You did the right thing. (((hugs))) Wouldn't it be nice if the easy thing and the right thing were the same sometimes????

[PantyFanatic]

You didn’t do a wrong thing.:) You are a very upright person.

Maybe a little note telling HER that you gave it to her in spit of the consideration to do otherwise would set the boundaries and the fact that they ARE watched. It will of course get back to him and maybe give him the same message. It’s not bad when EVERYBODY understands the rules of the game. ;)

[PashkinThePanther]

Speaking as a mere male here, I think you did the right thing... far better to make it clear now.

Its probably better in the long term. At least yours is a reasonably conventional one, mine isnt.. its a long distance one, and with frequent visits. Actually, a fellow Pixian (she'll know when she reads this) tried to tell me off for flirting. I asked my girl and she said she'd be annoyed if I didn't! As long as she gets her share, she isn't too bothered what i do here. In fact I may persuade her to join to meet you all so you can hear for yourself!

[osuche]

(((((LAW))))) ~~ you did the right thing, lady. :)

[Stolen Kisses]

LAW big (((hugs)))) Yes, you did the right thing.

[cherrypie7788]

I know you did the right thing, LAW. I probably wouldn't have done it, which says more about your character than mine. I would take PF's advice though about sending her a little note.

[blkcat]

Sorry LAW,but i'm not so self righteous as some of the other respondents,i think you should have sent a clear message to her to stop the correspondence with your husband,and then send one to him informing him of your actions,just my ten cents worth, lol

[FallenAngel5]

I think that you did the right thing. Coming from not-quite-the-other-side-of-the-fence, i.e. I am best friends with one of my ex's, and that sometimes makes his girlfriends uncomfortable. You don't really know how she feels or where she's coming from, so I don't think that telling her off is a good idea, because I would be extremely offended by something like that. Anyway. Yes, you did the right thing. :)

[BigBear57]

I think you did fine Hon.... just try not to let second guessing worry you.

[PashkinThePanther]

you can alway's tell a limey,But Not Much

PS I read the words of your sig, blkcat, and I can't say I care for their sentiment. But its your choice.

English and proud of it....

[osuche]

You're never going to be able to follow him around to make sure he stays faithful. At some point, you just have to have faith that he has made his choice and he's with the woman he REALLY wants. ;) Besides, I really believe that confidence is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

[imaginewithme]

Yes, you did the right thing. Us girls sure do get jealous and that's natural. But you being the person you are will make things ok and he is with you for a reason.

Hugs

[fzzy]

You made the perfect choice!!! And personally I think the fact that you emailed her with the info is setting down the ground rules (if she didn't know already) ... it says that he trusts you with his home email info and to handle things as they should be done ... and that you trust him enough to forward his info to her .... Sometimes just acting as if ... you aren't jealous and you are confident in the choices he will make ... will make it that much more likely that you are correct.

As Lil said ... know that doesn't mean the choice you made was easy!!!

As Osuche said .... you can only trust him to keep the promises you've made to each other .... he could cheat with anyone at anytime if that's what he decides to do! But just remember, he chose you ... even after he knew her ... so it must be you he really wants! :)

[lonelyarmywife]

I feel good about this.

He actually got online today and (coincidence of coincidence) saw our correspondance. he emailed me and said that he was shocked that i had actually done it and that he was suprised.

So alls well and ends well I guess.

Thanks everybody for your hugs and stuff. I think this was maybe a big step to helping me get over some of my issues.

[Loulabelle]

Good for you LAW - you did a very brave and selfless thing which will help to strengthen your relationship with your husband and this woman.

You may not always feel you can trust your husband against temptation, but if you can earn this woman's respect, you'll be able to trust her not to put temptation in his way.

You're an example to us all.

[cherrypie7788]

You may not always feel you can trust your husband against temptation, but if you can earn this woman's respect, you'll be able to trust her not to put temptation in his way.

I'm sorry, but I don't agree with that at all. Experience has taught me that no matter HOW CLOSE someone is to you, if they want to "put temptation in his way" they'll do it.

I once, key word here is ONCE, had a friend that I thought I could trust around my boyfriend, even though she flirted with him NON STOP and called him on the phone. I thought that since I was close to her, she wouldn't dare do such a thing. But she did, and he let her. Your statement, while it sounded good, isn't quite true.

What LAW should do, like PF said, is set boundaries. I would NEVER trust a woman who has already had an affair with my husband not to tempt him.

[cowgirltease]

I agree with cherrypie on this one. But you did show her that she can't sneak around and you did it with class. You should have told her that if she behaves herself you might let her have a 3 some with the two of you. :D
Don't ever show your insecurites hun. It's a sign of weakness and a big turnoff for men.

[lonelyarmywife]

I agree with cherrypie on this one. But you did show her that she can't sneak around and you did it with class. You should have told her that if she behaves herself you might let her have a 3 some with the two of you. :D
Don't ever show your insecurites hun. It's a sign of weakness and a big turnoff for men.


PLEASE! I have no insecurites.









No, just kidding. Insecurity is my middle name.


As far as a 3some goes. Obviously it will be in the distant future as a distance of about 4000 miles does put a cramp in these things. But i don't think I would want to go there with her anyway. Too weird. At least for now.

[flutelady]

Ya know... a woman who loves her husband and is true to him should NOT have to worry about doing the "right thing" when a former lover of the hubby's comes along. Fuck the "right thing", I think you should do what is right for YOU... I believe that what is right for you and healthiest for your marriage would be considered the "right thing".

The question, in my heart, isn't if you're doing the right thing, but rather if your husband is doing the right thing. Sorry, but she should be "cut loose". Period.

[cowgirltease]

PLEASE! I have no insecurites.









No, just kidding. Insecurity is my middle name.


As far as a 3some goes. Obviously it will be in the distant future as a distance of about 4000 miles does put a cramp in these things. But i don't think I would want to go there with her anyway. Too weird. At least for now.
But she doesn't need to know that. All you gave her was the "go ahead" to keep writing him. What if she does? Then what are you gonna do? How are you gonna feel? Can he have her as a friend? Do you TRUST him?
You better have a PLAN A and a PLAN B hun. You'll have to be able to talk openly about her to him without a hint of jealousy in your voice. I think you need to get to know your enemy while he's away. ;) The more you two talk the less apt she'll be to pursue anything underhanded.;) You may even find a few things about him you never knew!

[PantyFanatic]

PantyFanatic Rule No. 37
Never warm a dormant snake in your bed.









:rolleyes2

[cowgirltease]

She ain't dormant anymore so she better meet it head on.
Or at least she isn't acting dormant.......
A tease is a tease but if she knew he was married she crossed the line without asking you first! Sic em Girlie! Play her fuckin game just keep your eyes wide open.
PF......... bitches are very sneaky. you should know that by now. Thats why I'm tellin her NOW to take the upper hand. Quiz the shit out of her. Be her best friend if need be. Women can see thru all that shit. That's why we're from Venus :D

[Stinger]

You made the perfect choice!!! And personally I think the fact that you emailed her with the info is setting down the ground rules (if she didn't know already) ... it says that he trusts you with his home email info and to handle things as they should be done ... and that you trust him enough to forward his info to her .... Sometimes just acting as if ... you aren't jealous and you are confident in the choices he will make ... will make it that much more likely that you are correct.

As Lil said ... know that doesn't mean the choice you made was easy!!!

As Osuche said .... you can only trust him to keep the promises you've made to each other .... he could cheat with anyone at anytime if that's what he decides to do! But just remember, he chose you ... even after he knew her ... so it must be you he really wants! :)

Fzzy said it very nice here.
LAW,
I applaud your trust in your hubby and I think you did the right thing and with him telling you that he was suprised as well just told him how much you trust him.
You seem like a very lovely lady and I hope the best for you.
Even though this girl is best friends with his best friend girl friend, I don't think they need to stay in contact any longer; especially, after he cheated with her. If it was just to remain friends, that is one thing, but once they crossed the boundaries, then she needed be cut out of his life. I applaud you for that as well. I hope your hubby understands how lucky he has it and respects you to not to wonder at all any more.

[fireman20]

I know this is an old thread, but I just had to say something. I have been in the military and away from my love, and had this happen to us, I would have alot more respect and admiration for my wife being able to do that. I hope your man does too. :wingang:

[LarryL]

you did the right thing.

[rumrunner]

Right or wrong only time will tell. Your husband is with you and not her! so he already made his choice and it's YOU!

[acepen]

The question would have been, would he have told you he was going to meet her while she was intown?

[lonelyarmywife]

The question would have been, would he have told you he was going to meet her while she was intown?

If he were in town and going to meet her, he would have told me about it...period.

thanks all for you advice and admiration. He never contacted her back after I forwarded the email, so i guess all is well. :)