Do you think you've settled?

[Steph]

Ahem.

I know a lot of you & we talk.

I was trying out a new relationship but he STILL didn't understand Pixies so I've given up. There were other things (layaboutness, etc.) but I know I have to toss him tho' he can be loving.

I've talked to Pixies about him & I've just realized most of the Pixies to whom I talk are in long-term relationships.

Lil has mentioned admiring women like me & osuche (who has since settled down) . . . We're out & about, trying different men on for size but those who are in solid relationships don't like the same things in their men for which I'm breaking up with mine.

It's hard to explain.

I don't commit because of a big red X that I don't feel I can get over.

People who have been in relationships a long time say the big X makes them stronger.

*shrug*

I guess I'm looking for what brings us together.

[wyndhy]

us pixies? or us people? or us as in a couple?

[Coaster]

(((((((Steph)))))))

You have to trust your guts on this one...... just one bruise doesn't make the whole apple unacceptable! I'm kinda glad to not be trying to build a new relationship..... Mrs Coaster & I have grown accustom to each others quirks and after all these years have stopped trying to change the one we love. Good luck sweetie......... you deserve it!

Oh BTW, I'd like to see your big red X sometime!!! :D

[osuche]

(((((Steph)))))

I think it's a matter of finding someone with flaws that are acceptable to you. Everyone has issues, but you may be more forgiving of some issues than others. Find someone who has flaws that you're willing to live with, and one or two other characteristics you really admire.

I think the admiration is important -- I find it impossible to be with someone I can't admire.

As for your big red X -- the only advice I can give is to love yourself, flaws and all. Makes it so much easier for someone else to love you. I have *many* issues -- some of them you know :) and yet I've come to like myself...warts and all.

Last piece of advice....get outta dodge for a while and find some new haunts. When I moved ot SF -- happily married -- I found 2 men within about the past 9 months who I could have happily shared my life with. I'm still happily married, but I do think that a change of venue helped me find some new people I really care about.

[Steph]

us pixies? or us people? or us as in a couple?


Pixie couples have had tumultous times they could share . . .

[Steph]

(((((((Steph)))))))

You have to trust your guts on this one...... just one bruise doesn't make the whole apple unacceptable! I'm kinda glad to not be trying to build a new relationship..... Mrs Coaster & I have grown accustom to each others quirks and after all these years have stopped trying to change the one we love. Good luck sweetie......... you deserve it!

Oh BTW, I'd like to see your big red X sometime!!! :D


(((((((((((Coaster)))))))))) You're one of the ones I rambled about when I started this thread. Married man, flirting with other marrieds . . . I have no problem with that . . . I admire you that . . .

I guess a lot of you have been with people a long time. I now have to judge my new guys on being "Pixies worthy". ")

[Steph]

(((((Steph)))))

I think it's a matter of finding someone with flaws that are acceptable to you. Everyone has issues, but you may be more forgiving of some issues than others. Find someone who has flaws that you're willing to live with, and one or two other characteristics you really admire.

I think the admiration is important -- I find it impossible to be with someone I can't admire.

As for your big red X -- the only advice I can give is to love yourself, flaws and all. Makes it so much easier for someone else to love you. I have *many* issues -- some of them you know :) and yet I've come to like myself...warts and all.

Last piece of advice....get outta dodge for a while and find some new haunts. When I moved ot SF -- happily married -- I found 2 men within about the past 9 months who I could have happily shared my life with. I'm still happily married, but I do think that a change of venue helped me find some new people I really care about.

But from what I gather, your libido is much higher than his & you allowed that . . . I'm not looking for perfect but I'm looking.

[osuche]

As someone who is climbing the walls because she hasn't had sex in 2.5 weeks...we *do* have different libidos.

But I trust him, and I admire him (I think there's a thread somewhere where I rave about his good qualities so I won't bug you with them). Plus, I figured out it really was *him* and not any issues he had with ME that was causing his lack of sex drive...

Plus, I have Pixies to compensate, a little.

[Lilith]

No, but I'm pretty sure he did.

[rabbit]

I've settled but, like osuche, I come to Pixies to "compensate" as her drive is not as high as mine....and in the process found some people I really care about.

[1nutworld]

is it REALLLY considered "settleing" if you've found someone who makes you happy? Even if the happiness and thus the relationship is temporary??

[Coaster]

is it REALLLY considered "settleing" if you've found someone who makes you happy? Even if the happiness and thus the relationship is temporary??


No I don't think so,,,, we all have flaws! But I can handle a few personality traits because I love the overall person. And I know my limitations and she accepts me for who i am. That said, I have an extremely high libido compared to her. After a few years of trying to "change" her I came to realise that in that area, we will always be at different levels. So I come to pixies and flirt away and peeps know I'm married and not looking to leave. We just have fun!

Pixies people fill a need and it's my place to escape for a bit of fun. I think I've rambled here......sorry..... :huh:

[Irish]

It sounds stupid,unless you think about it!I equate a relationship(sp?)to
fishing.You have your catch & release & you have your keepers!No-one is
exactly the way that you want them to be.If you change them,the main attraction is not there anymore & you can't stand them.My wife & I have been married for 41yrs(May 1 1965)We each have our flaws,but we have
learned to live with them.Communication & trust,plus backing each other up,
are very important! Irish :)

[scotzoidman]

The man ^^^ is making some sense there...listen to him...

I came to the conclusion some time ago that the main force keeping the Zoid household together for 31+ years has to be our mutual stubborness...breaking up our marriage would be giving in to all the peeps who said it would never last...& there's way too much Scotch-Irish pigheadedness in each of us to ever give in...

Pixie couples have had tumultous times they could share . . .

So we fight, & we snap at each other, & we've gone thru a lot of Hell for a little bit of Heaven...of course, rearing children is both the reason to be together & sometimes the reason we wish we'd never met...

Wow, the way I'm ramblin' you'd think I'd been smokin' the wackyweed...what was the question again?

[Steph]

It sounds stupid,unless you think about it!I equate a relationship(sp?)to
fishing.You have your catch & release & you have your keepers!No-one is
exactly the way that you want them to be.If you change them,the main attraction is not there anymore & you can't stand them.My wife & I have been married for 41yrs(May 1 1965)We each have our flaws,but we have
learned to live with them.Communication & trust,plus backing each other up,
are very important! Irish :)

ROFL @ 'catch & release'

Yeah, I didn't have the trust or the 'backing each other up'. No question those things are important.

[WildIrish]

I've only said "I love you" to three people that aren't my mommy.

Mrs. WI is one of them, and I do love her.

That having been said, we do drive each other nuts. And we bicker & snap. And at times, she can be downright ugly with me. But when we need each other, we're there for each other, and that's very important. And if you think I'm easy to live with...you haven't been reading any of my threads. I'm this way in person too. ha ha

Now, as to whether or not either of us have "settled". Well, yes. Over the years, our feet have gotten bigger. I can only attribute it to settling. :p

[Oldfart]

Steph,

You cannot expect trust and affection to happen overnight or overmonth.

There has to be common ground to meet on and grow the relationship.

Mrs Oldfart and I have more history than most of the known world, but we'd think twice and twice again

before starting a new relationship. It's just too bloody hard at our age.

Finding someone you share a liking-ness with is only the start, as if you didn't know.

"Red X"?