I could use some feedback/advice....

[RandyGal]

It's pretty personal though so.........

I just need someone to listen I guess.

Thanks.

[dicksbro]

Whatcha need, RandyGal?

[Sharni]

PM me anytime if you like RandyGirl

[RandyGal]

Thanks you guys.

[RandyGal]

I don't know why but for some reason this is hard to talk about.

Do any of you have partners who refuse to try ANYTHING different?

After all these years I can NOT talk hubby into doing anything EXCEPT quickie missionary sex.


:(

We had *The Talk* again today and he crinkled his nose at me and said "I don't think I can DO that!"

All I asked for him was to at least TRY a finger....to TRY and get me....turned on...wet.........



another 25 years I have to do it this way?

Damn. Just....damn.


OK sooooooo enough whining from me.

Sooooooooo how's your weather? :p

[RandyGal]

Shit. This is embarrassing....

:o

Gonna try to leave it here in case someone has a suggestion.

I might add that I've asked, I've begged, I've tried to SHOW him...

I haven't been shy about telling him what I need.....

wish things were different....

[Sharni]

Don't be in the least embarrassed RG....your among friends here

Hubby will not watch you pleasure yourself?

[RandyGal]

Nope. He thinks it's stupid/silly. *those ARE his words*

[dicksbro]

Sharni's right. You are among friends.

Hubby doesn't enjoy you "playing with him" either?

[RandyGal]

Trust me, after 25 years I've tried everything!

Like I said..I really haven't been shy about asking. LOL


It's such a drag..

[Sharni]

Just a thought.....but he may have been brought up with the view that touching yourselves or others in that manner is disgusting.....as he seems only use the missionary position for sex...that makes me also believe this

Is he comfortable discussing sex at all?

[RandyGal]

Nope. He's not comfortable talking about ANYTHING having to do with sex.

I'm sure you've got it nailed what the problem is but so far there has been no solution whatsoever.


He's also very UNcreative as is his entire family...I do think part of it is our differences in personality, which isn't something that can even BE changed.

[Sharni]

Being that it is so ingrained you maybe right in that he will unfortunately never change

But you still have wants and needs...and should not have to deny that...
Regardless of if he is comfortable talking about it or not...you are obviously not happy and he should be told so

If he were mine i would sit down and discuss my thoughts and feeling on the subject....and tell him that i love him but if he does not at least try to make an effort that i will go elsewhere to find the parts of the relationship missing, that i need....

But that is just my thoughts......you have to decide if your wants and desires are strong enough or if you can live another 25 years denying what you want

[Scarecrow]

Randygal I have to agree with Sharni, if he hasn't try to copperate by now he is not likely to in the future. If you would like to talk just PM or reply in this thread. And I sure other pixie freinds will be here to listen.

[Ironwood]

Originally posted by RandyGal
Do any of you have partners who refuse to try ANYTHING different?

After all these years I can NOT talk hubby into doing anything EXCEPT quickie missionary sex.


I did, for ten years. Unfortunately she was the first woman I'd been with, so I didn't even realize how inadequate the sex was until we were divorced. Okay, I wasn't happy about the lack of variety or her strict time limit, but had no idea other women were so much more responsive. Forgive my rambling, but the point is that you're not the only one who's had that problem. I don't really have any great advice, but good luck.

[Lilith]

Randygal~ (((Hugs)))........he's grown.......he knows.....he has to make his choices...time for you to decide too. I am here for you whatever you need.....

I think you know what you have to or want to do but just want confirmation.......the only confirmation you need is YOU!!!! ((hugs))

[RandyGal]

Thankyou for listening EVERYONE.

Your thoughts are very much appreciated...and taken to heart.

What a great group of Pixies we have gathered here....your kind words went straight to my heart. :)

[Murphy]

RG,
I know we've talked on this before, and as others have said, it doesn't seem like he's gonna change. You gotta do what you gotta do. Talk to him and tell him you do still love him, but you have your needs. If he doesn't come up with anything, then you're left with no choice but to find some way to satisfy your itch.

Good luck Girl!

[Sugarsprinkles]

Sweetie,
I've got a lot to say to you about this..not enough space here to do it. So go check your e-mail. :D:D:D

[BigBear57]

I'm new so this may be pointless but here goes anyway... being southern I'm pretty aware that some guys are horrified to think they could be less than sufficient in bed. They seem to think sex is just something you do to pass time. It seems you've tried to reach him conventionally and it hasn't worked. The others have a point about an ultimatum but he'll most likely balk or take it as an insult and label you as being unreasonable. Male prudes are always so damn close minded about things. You're either with them or wrong. I was going to suggest a good therapist but he'd just find fault there too I suppose. My heart goes out to you Hon. I've know several marriages that came apart from these same things. If I could help by listening sometime don't hesitate to message me. I'll keep good thoughts for You.....

[axe31]

try couples counseling thay may help to work out
his hang ups . a sex therapist would help alot
but geting him to with you go may be difficult
as we all said were here for you

[Casperr]

RandyGal - I don't think your marriage is over like other people seem to think. I also don't think giving him an ultimatum is going to work - and I don't think you really want to leave him just over this.
So, I think you just have to work on him. It's not going to be an instant cure, there's no such thing for this situation I fear.
I would take things very very slowly, start off with your usual missionary position and then try and change position slightly half-way through. Get him used to the idea that sex doesn't just HAVE to be missionary! Slowly work on different positions. Then, eventually, he may open up a bit.
Other than that, RG, not much I can say. Just keep doing what you're doing!
All the best!

CasperTG

[GermanSteve]

RandyGal, I did not read the thread very thoroughly, but I think nobody had one certain idea: How about not asking him? At the next opportunity smile at him and take his hand to the places you want to? (But first read below)
Reading about his behaviour I have an idea what is wrong with him: It is possible that he is a lot of embarrassed doing more than the classic stuff, and still more embarrassed talking about sex. Are you sure he is completely open with you or is it possible he has things he does not want to talk about for his embarrassment?
Perhaps instead of talking about sex you could carefully ask him if it is difficult for him to speak open? Try to find the reason why he does not want to talk and show him that there IS no reason for being embarrassed.
Besides that: if you cannot get a result perhaps you might ask for professional help?

Wish you all the best, Stefan

[Irish]

RG---I don't know if this will help.Everyone reacts differently.I have;always;been pretty open about anything sexual.My wife has
always;been pretty bashful(old school)Luckily;we can talk about
anything.Tho always fairly open;we talk more openly;since we have been married.(naturally)Many things that I have wanted to do;and my wife has been to bashful;to try;have been initiated;during another sexual act;when she is so horny;that her
resistance is much lower;because;her mind is on reaching orgasm.
After;all of these;years;there is still a slight hesitancy;until;the
initiation phase;is overcome.As;I said;everyone reacts differently!
As in everything else;don't give up;keep trying.You wouldn't have
been with him this long if he wasn't worth the effort.I;personally;
can't imagine;a person;not caring about;a loved ones feelings.
Above all;I wouldn't give an ultimatum!I know that would just piss
me off!Hope this helps. Irish

[DildoDiva]

Okay, you're going to think that I am just kidding around when I say this but I'm not:

Use force. Rape him. SHOW him that he can like it. Tie him to the bed or cuff him in his sleep. But show him how his body can respond to different kinds of stimuli than just him pounding into you. Ya gotta be quick though.

Sometimes tough love is the best therapy.

Okay, well everyone has given you every other idea and this is mine....maybe this is silly to you, but in the words of Mr. Bill Cosby "there comes a time of despairation when you'll even give the rediculous a try."

[ericthered]

Counselling is your best shot. If he can be persuaded to actively participate he will hear from a "qualified expert" that he needs to do something.

Another thought; don't let him have any. When he's good and hungry he might even listen if that's what he has to do to get some pussy. After all, it's your piece of property so change the rules a little. Politely and gently keep him out until you're ready. Jack him off if necessary rather than let him in early. And extravagant praise when he get's something right will reinforce the message. A bit like teaching a dog or child.

Women have always controlled men with their pussies, and you can do the same.

[RandyGal]

Wow. Thankyou all for your input. Some great advice and words of encouragement....

a couple of ideas that might even work to get the message thru to him. :)

You guys are awesome!!!

[Scarecrow]

We're at you humble service, ma'am

[RandyGal]

HEY mister scarecrow...watch the "ma'am" business, will ya?

I feel old enough as it is! :p :D ;)

[Scarecrow]

Yes maaaaaa I mean OK randygal :D ;) ;)

[RandyGal]

Oh...and scarecrow..did you say something about "service"...as in servicING???

How cool.
What a great Pixie you are! :D ;)

[Irish]

RG.---You say that you feel old enough;already.Age is only a #.It's
your outlook;that counts.I was at my Drs. once.(A close,personal,
friend)My left shoulder was bothering me;occasionally.I told him&
he was giving me a shot in my shoulder.When;I told him;he said;
You have to remember that you're in your 50s;now.I told him that
when I feel like 50;fine.Until then;"F--k it!Of course;being a friend;
I could talk to him like any one else.I go to a different Dr. now.He
is dead!He had a heart transplant;got a partially defective heart;
and went down south;for another transplant.He died on the table!Age isn't all that can kill you.He was 55/56! Irish

[katekate42]

That's a sad story Irish! Anyhoo, RG, I hope your problem will work itself out soon. I don't really have anything to add except to second that an ultimatum is probably not the best way to go. I definitely like the taking him by force idea, but only you can feel out the situation to know if that would actually get through to him or just make him angry/hurt. All in all, maybe you could both seek counseling so that he can become more comfortable discussing your relationship- both emotional and sexual. Best of luck though in any path you choose :)

[kleclere]

I have the same problem in my relationship. I have thought about finding someone else. I just keep pounding away at her resistance. Have you tried getting videos and both of you watching and discussing what is going on? There are a lot of people here to talk to and with. Please consider me one. Ken

[RandyGal]

To be very honest Ken, after this long trying HARD to encourage him to try different things........AND getting almost nowhere, I've really given up. We have done the counselling thing, several types, and I've picked up a naughty video or two. I've tried dressing up, dressing down.....all sorts of things.
He's just very very conservative.

What will happen will happen (or NOT as the case may be.)

There are sometimes small miracles and I watch and wait for those....but the biggest dreams of mine I KNOW will NEVER happen.

I'll live. :)

[kleclere]

Know exactly what you mean. Although it has only been 19 yrs for me I keep trying. As I said I've had serious thoghts of finding something outside of my marriage. But still think that Because I love her still I don't .But don't know what would happen if the oppertunity arose I couldn't say I may not jump at it. It kind of helps talking with others. Ken