A - Being from Connecticut, and having spent a significant amount of that time in Danbury, I'm quick to quote Jefferson's 1802 Letter to Danbury Baptist Association in which he mentions "Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man & his god, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, thus building a wall of separation between church and state." henceforth, it would be unconstitutional of me to endorse mass transit.

Q - Are you in favor of offering Historic Tax Credits?

A. The answer to this is relative. Those in my party would call them historic, but, being slow to grasp the significance of my proposals, the opposition will attempt to paint them in a negative light. It's unfortunate, but the other party is always slow to grasp the significance of important proposals.

Q. What is your position on public nudity?

Answer: Prone while there are no witnesses. Upright otherwise.



Question: What can be done to improve the lot of others?

A. Keeping the lot mowed and planting flowers can do a lot to improve the lots of others. It can even help your own lot.

Q. Do you consider your positions to be extreme?

Answer: A difficult question to answer correctly, as it depends upon what one means by the word “extreme”. Perhaps we could have a panel review the word and report back.



Question: How often should farmers rotate their crops?

A - Proposals to limit the terms of farmer's crops have been the subject of public policy debate since 1990, when citizen initiatives limiting the terms of crops were passed by voters in California, Colorado and Oklahoma. Subsequently, 18 other states adopted crop term limits, but in four - Massachusetts, Oregon, Washington and Wyoming - crop term limits were thrown out by the state supreme courts, and they have been repealed by the farmers in Idaho and Utah. That leaves 15 states with crop term limits for farmers.


Q - What're your thoughts regarding off-shore golf courses?

A -- Environmentally friendly golf courses are rare, given the fertilizers and other chemicals that must be employed to keep a golf course looking good. Additionally, golf courses are a major cause of deforestation in the MidWest and Northeast, and contribute to global warming. If golf courses can be driven off-shore, this trend will put the negative effects of golf courses off of American soil. Let the Mexicans suffer the chemicals and global warming! Thus, I am in favor of moving most golf courses off shore.


How do you feel about gasoline taxes and their impact on the economy?

A. Of course, we must worry that gasoline taxes are used only for highway maintenance and not simply to study the aerodynamics of frisbies or to increase the perks for elected officials.

Q. How do you feel about the government regulating your diet?

A: It was a difficult decision but we must increase everyone's disposable income by having them spend less on food.

Q: Did you have sexual relations with Ms. Lewinsky?

A. Who? Me? :blink: That is a terrible, malicious rumor spread by my devious and deceitful opponents and spread by their paid political henchmen desguised as reporters.

Besides ... how are you defining sexual? :confused:

Q. Should political debates be held in the nude?

It's not so much a question of nude debates themselves. It's more a question of who gets to be nude during the debates. Are the pollesters to be nude? The audience? The participants? If we allow nude debates, we risk a slippery slope of nudity the <strike> should </strike> might continue until the whole country is nude, all the time.

Question: Should the use of cell phones during sex be regulated?

Answer: Not regulated - mandated. What better way is there for the government get the goods on you?


Question: What is your position on farm policy?

A: I think it's a good idea.

Q: How do you feel about controls on the production of pretzels?

Answer: They should be lifted! The pretzel emergency is but a distant memory.


Question: Do you favor outlawing fountain pens?

FOuntain pens are environmentally unfriendly, create toxic waste, and contribute to global warming.

Is it unprofessional for a Senator to sleep with his aide?

Answer: I am uncertain if it is considered unprofessional, but I have been told that if you fail to reinsert your hearing aid upon arising, it can make for a noisy breakfast.


Question: Is there any truth to the rumors that you favor changing the national anthem to ABBA’s “Super Trouper”?

A - Clearly a comment taken out of context, for everyone knows that "Fernando" is a much better song for someone trying to appeal to the increasing Hispanic demographic.

Q - Should the US government issue a second "Amnesty" opportunity for undocumented immigrants residing in America?

i'm nasty too and i didn't even get a first opportunity! outrage!

i pledge to find these undocumented deviant residers in america. i shall share my findings with all others who claim "i'm natsy" before the world.



should "the gays" be allowed to plug up our thoroughfares with pride parades?

We are approaching the whole "gay pride parade" from the wrong angle. It's not a question of clogging up the thoroughfares, rather it's a question of the moste efficient use of said thoroughfares. See, the real problem is the amount of traffic that clogs up the thoroughfares when any given group wishes to excersize their right of free speech, and build community spirit by holding a parade. If we could significantly reduce the amount of commuter traffic on our streets, then the same streets would be available for such community-building efforts.

I propose a bold solution to the traffic problem: two-day work weeks, and five day weekends. By reducing the amount of commuter traffic on public roads to just two days a week, we will become a stronger, better country.

Question: How would you deal with the annual problem caused by the onset of animal hibernation, and consequent lack of productivity in winter months?

Answer: Animal winter productivity can be easily improved by eliminating football games on Sunday and Monday. The absentee rates by those drunken animals on following days will drop dramatically!


Question: Should Sex Ed include practical Lab exercises?

Statistics recently released by the Department of Health & Human Services show the increasing rate of Laborador Retriever obeisity. This is turn, causes many long term health problems among America's Laborador Retriever population. I propose a comprehemsive program to encourage fitness of not only Labroador Retrievers, but all Canine Americans. Such a program would naturally include sex education as part of an overall health and fitness program.

Question: Should the candidates on this particular thread engage in a series of public debates to decide the question "How much sex is enough?"

A - An issue this important should definately involve polling the asses. And those that wish to oversee that process should eliminate the potential blurring of the figures by utilizing a focus group.

Q - Is cunny juice best drank right from the cuntainer?

Answer: Yes. All my research indicates that Fresh = Best.


Question: Where do you stand on the issue of Tube Steak?

A. Certainly, if you cun. It's an issue that can be licked if only we put our tongues to it.

Q. Should there be limits on how much sex a person can have during a given day?

History is full of examples of the failure of the planned economy model of sexual activity. A free market of sexual activity, including competition, the unregulated exchange of ideas, and free will laborers is simply the tried-and-true American way.

Question: Do you smoke after sex?

Only when I've gone too fast. :roflmao:



Q - What do you think about potable water testing?

A. I think once water's been in the "pot," it should be flushed and not played with.

Q. What will you do for your district if elected?

I'll refuse to regulate sex, marriage, religion...and I'll promise not to molest my boy pages!

Do you believe in presidential term limits?

A. I once heard a suggestion that to avoid "lame duck" status and, the desire to increase wealth after office, the terms should be limited to one six-year term with a substaintial increase in retirement benefits and rules against future political involvement after retirement. I thought that was an interesting idea.

Q. Should teaching people a "second language" be mandatory?

Any father hammering a board, missing, and hitting his thumb instead is perfectly capable of yelling "SHIT!". Teaching youngsters a foul language happens naturally, why should we involve the legislature, courts or various child protective beaucracies?

Question: Is it time for the problem of urban sprawl to be handled on a national level?

Answer: Only if we are ready for federally managed urban sprawl.


Question: Is local government obsolete?

A: No, I'd say loco government seems to be on the rise. Of course, I credit that to my opposition.


Oh, you said local government.

Q: Should campaigning be limited to the last two weeks before an election?

Answer: All of the incumbents think that is a great idea! :D


Question: If elected will you vote to fund teaching music in schools?

A: Music is indeed an important subject and I believe students should be able to take music classes if they want.

Q: Have you ever used drugs before?

a - i would respond happily to that question if only this strange foggyness of mind would clear and i could actually recall the honest answer :)

Q - if you do something with your left hand, it feels like someone else does it (or so i am told). Should it be complsory for everything to be done left handed, and would it be more likely to get done? eg vacuuming.

A: I think the scientists need to study that further.

Q: Did you have sex with Ms Lewinsky?

A: When you say "Ms Lewinsky", just what do you mean?

Q: Have you, or any of your campaign staff misused laboratory equipment, including, but not limited to, the famous "chicken gun", during this campaign season?

I disavow all knowledge of the Chicken Gun.

Q: How do you feel about political ads on TV?

A: Pretty good right about now.


Q: Would you like to have a third major political party?

Given that people don't show up to vote for the two parties we have currently, a third party is unlikely to draw significant support.

How do you feel about protecting the sanctity of marriage through legislation?