But dang funny!!

True.

*Bunnings has everything!*

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,
'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,'
Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer down at Bunnings.
Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong
and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper
than a
Doctor.'

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and
takes it to Bunnings.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for
the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water
and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

Thank you for shopping @ Bunnings.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was,

Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog,
urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Bunnings, eager to check the results.

He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the
results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
(Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a
solicitor.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Bunnings

From the master himself.


BILLY CONNOLLY'S CHAIN LETTER


Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50
billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe if you send them on, a poor six
year old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it
removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?
How stupid are we?

Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into
the next day! What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep
for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim
stowaways on the Endeavour. Fuck 'em!! If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing.

I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.

I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards.
Chances are, it's our own unpopularity. The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or
luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied
to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive
if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous
and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

Billy Connolly

P.S: Send me 15 bucks and then fuck off

CIRCUMCISED...THIS IS PRICELESS
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.

She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his weenie hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till Noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

KIDS - DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM???

CATALOG ORDER:

Dear Madam:

Thank you for your recent order from our sex toys web site.

You've requested the Large Red Vibrator as featured on our wall display.

Please select another item. That's our fire extinguisher.

Thank you.

*snicker*

No, that's smaller and less rounded.

This one is especially for Soda and Booger ... :)

Norman and his wife live in Michigan. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..........." then the electric power goes o ut, and Norman's wife is very upset. With a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says, Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Gentle thoughts for today
 

Birds of a feather flock together and shit on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt .

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?"

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. But it's worse when you forget to pull it down.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

25 Ways to tell if you're grown up.
 

1. Your houseplants are alive and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the refrigerator.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up ... not when you go to bed.
5 You hear your favorite song on the elevator.
6 You watch the Weather Channel. :yikes:
7 Your friends "Marry" and "Divorce" ... not "Hook Up" and "Break Up."
8 You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9 Jeans and a sweater are no longer considered being dressed up.
10 ou're the one calling the police because those %#@$ kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11 Older relatives now feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance payments go down while your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet rather than McDonald's scraps.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps. :boink:
17. Dinner and a movie are the whole date, and not just the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3:00 AM would upset your stomach, not settle it.
19. You go the the drug store for IBUPROFEN and Antacid and not for condoms and pregancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before you go to a bar.
25. When you find your friend is pregnant you congratulate then instead of asking, "Oh, shit, what the hell happened?"

I keep telling my kids that it's like MTV for old folks...

A nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says:
"Well, that's great....that's just great....some asshole's got my pen!"

A woman meets a man in a bar.



They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.







They get back to his place,







and as he shows her around his
apartment.




She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is






completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.






There are three shelves in the
bedroom,





with hundreds and hundreds of cute,





cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!





It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them





and she was immediately touched





by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.






There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,






medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,





and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.


She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy





to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,





She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side.





but doesn't mention this to him.




They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,





after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,





'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!





Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'




She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips






He responds warmly.





They continue to kiss, the passion
builds,




and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom





where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.




She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,




more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.




After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,




they are lying there together in
the afterglow.

The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,




'Well,how was it?'




The guy gently smiles at her,





strokes her cheek,




looks deeply into her eyes,




and says:








'Help yourself to any prize




from the middle shelf"

:nuts:

Can you pick the blonde?

The answer?

Check the legs.

Apartment Rental


A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and
Agrees to spend the night with her for$500.

He spends the night with her but before he leaves,
He tells her that he does not have any cash with him,
But he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
Calling the payment
"RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done,
Realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.
So he has his secretary send a check for$250 and enclosed the following typed note:






Dear Madam::

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of$250 for rent of your
Apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
Rented the apartment, I was under the impression that;

1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat; and
3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied,
That there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large

Upon receipt of the note,

The girl immediately returned the check for $250

With the following note:


Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a
Beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it,
If you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,
But if you don't have enough furniture to fill it,
Please don't blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to
Contact your present landlady

Politically correct ... nonpartisan joke. :)
 

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity ."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning......
Today you voted."

Questions to Ponder
 

Can you cry under water?

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" ? Where's that extra penny going to?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

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What disease did cured ham actually have?

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window INTO THE WIND ?

lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."

:roflmao:

Men Never Learn :(
 

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans , with a box of crabs.A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs thaw out.

Shortly before landing in New York , she announced to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up..so she took them home and ate them herself.

Men never learn.

Sunday Clothes
 

Bobbitt Family Update
 

Bobbitt Family Update

In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.

She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with ......
?
?
?
?
?
Are you ready for this?
?
?
?
?
?
A Misdewiener!

You know darn well you're going to send this on to somebody.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. ' Tie me up, ' she purred, ' and you can do anything you want. ' So he tied her up and went golfing.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, ' Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery! '

The husband said, ' Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff? '

' Doesn ' t matter, ' she said. ' Just get out.'

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver ' s license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. '

' Can you read this? ' the optician asked.

' Read it? ' the Polish guy replied, ' I know the guy. '

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ' I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent. '

' Thank God, ' said an elderly nun at the back. ' I'm so tired of chardonay. '

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

' Careful, ' he said, ' CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You ' re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They ' re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you ' re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don ' t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT! '

The wife stared at him. ' What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don ' t know how to fry a couple of eggs? '

The husband calmly replied, ' I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I ' m driving. '

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come mo! rning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' Said Bob.

'Did you, er, happen to getup in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

An Ohio Farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm
and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy, about nine, opened the door.
"Is yer Pa home"? the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't." the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the farmer, "Is yer Ma here"?
"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Pa."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here"?
"He went with Ma and Pa."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the
other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do fer ya"? the boy asked politely.
"I knows where all the tools are if you want to borry one.
Or maybe, I could take a message fer Pa."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer
Pa. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae,
pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about
that," he finally conceded. " If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges
$50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he
gets for Howard."

Women can be so insensitive ...
 

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live.

Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.

Could we please do it one more time?' Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 'Honey, please... just one more time before I die ?' she says, 'Of course, dear.'

And they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep.

Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could....?'

At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning... you don't.'

The Half Wit
 

A man owned a small farm in Indiana . The Indiana State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," said the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

1st grade over achiever
 

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

s. Brooks asks! , 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.' The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.' The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

This is Amazing!
Forward this message to 5 people ........

AND......
Within 3 minutes.......
























FUCK ALL will happen!

I tried it twice and it worked both times!!

Aviation buffs like me, and perhaps for PF.

The Mom Test
 

I got this from a friend and thought it was cute ... (Writeen by a mom no doubt) ... :)

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I'm a mom and was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. 'Why?' my daughter asked.

'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs' I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.' I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.' We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.

''Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my face.