First...let me say ((((osuche))))...I do hope your dream has another meaning hun! My thoughts and good wishes are with you!

I wasn't sure how to ever mention this here at Pixies...matter of fact I'm feeling a bit of deja vu at this very moment. I feel like I've struggled to bring this dream up here before. Hmmmm...maybe I did. I dunno...and now I'm rambling. I'm a bit uncomfortable about telling this one. It was...bar none...the worst dream (nightmare) I have ever had.

Maybe asearching1 can help me interpret it. The two other really horrible nightmares I've ever had involved my mother (deceased)...and I knew to interpret them as my internal guilt for things I won't go into now. This dream...well...I'll just tell it and hope the meaning is favorable...

I'm standing in an insignificant room with my back to my husband. I'm sorting clothes or something (not sure what, actually) and we are talking about a news story we both heard that day. I tell him that I did hear the sad story of the guy who shot himself and I straighten up and turn around to talk face to face with him. I see that he has a gun in his hand and he is telling the story and showing me how the guy put the gun to his head and shot it. He actually pulls the trigger of the gun he is holding and I hear the shot and I'm watching his face and I can see that he didn't know the gun was loaded and in his eyes I can see that he wants that moment back...that it was an accident...and I can feel his love for me through his eyes. He doesn't say anything verbally...but he is communicating with me through his eyes. He reaches out to me and I'm in shock and I know he is going to fall but I can't reach out to him. Suddenly, just by the look on his face, I can tell he is dying...that his brain is now dying and that he just wants that moment back...and again I can feel him telling me it was an accident and that he loved me. Then his eyes change and I can tell his brain is dying fast. There is no blood in this dream...but plenty of other vivid things make up for that! He falls to the floor and I stand above him...in total shock. Then I woke up and had to contend with this horrible feeling all day! No...make that, till this very moment!

I dreamt that nightmare almost 2 weeks ago...and as I type it here I get the same emotions I had when I woke. If I could just better explain how well I could read what my husband was saying to me just by watching his eyes as he died. I felt/feel like I now know what it's going to be like if/when my husband dies before me. I just shouldn't know those emotions now. It's something one should only ever have to experience once in a lifetime!!!!

So...what do you think asearching1?

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~