I wasn't going to do this today. After all, it's been 22 years already! But I woke this morning and I couldn't shake this looming feeling. It is an anniversary that no one wants to hold in remembrance...but we do.

I am over the pity party...I am over the need to hear the sympathy...I am over the anger...I am over the feeling of being lost in this big world...I am over most of it. But, I am not over the greed of wanting her back...if just for a moment...to say I love you soooooooooooo much and to say I am sorry for being such a shithead at times...and to tell her THANK YOU for giving me life!!!

Let me tell you a little bit about my mother. Caroline was a pip! She had quirks and psycological needs that'd make your head swim. But she was kind, and loving and funny, and had a more open mind than anyone I have ever met...EVER! She had insight into the future...but I'm sure she'd still be in awe of just how far we've come in 22 years. She had limitations because of her religious upbringing and following...but she could suddenly come out of herself and shock you with a snippet of sexual inuendo that would make her giggle and you blush! She sacrificed her own basic comforts for her 5 children...but never blamed us for her sacrifices...instead, taught us that that's what parenting means. She was both Mom and Dad...when Dad failed to live up to his end of the deal. She cried when things were so very funny...and she'd lighten a sad moment with a silver lining story. She was the perfect role model for "how NOT to direct your life", and she did it with such grace and flair that you'd swear she had the answers but just never thought to ask the questions! That was my Mom...that was Caroline...and I miss her as if she had died yesterday!

I talked with two of my sisters today, and they both said the same thing to me. What is it about this particular anniversary? It's been 22 years for crying out loud! How is that a landmark number? All I could think of is...it's landmark because it's for Mom!

I share a lot here at Pixies...and I just wanted to share my mood of this day as well. I don't need any pity (as I said, I'm over that). I actually don't need anything from you guys (my 2nd family) except for you to read about the woman I've been thinking bout most today!

TY for your indulgence!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~