A friend e-mailed this to me today and I just had to post it
ROFLOL!!!!

> > Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
> > legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
> > On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because
> > the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
> > sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in
> > the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the
> > bandage on my crown.
> >
> > The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's
> > wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new
> > acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my
> > shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Barb, call out to me
> > from the kitchen. "Ed! the garbage disposal is dead. Come
> > reset it."
> >
> > You know where the button is." I protested through the shower
> > (pitter- patter). "Reset it yourself!"
> >
> > "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me
> > in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."
> >
> > So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a
> > statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without
> > consequence.
> >
> > I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the
> > button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck
> > without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it
> > wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.
> > It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects
> > she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner
> > and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink.
> >
> > At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the
> > toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like
> > claws.
> >
> > Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to
> > their masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control
> > orderly bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the
> > body to contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate
> > of speed. Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with
> > his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the
> > situation in a step-by-step manner.
> >
> > Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight"
> > syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight"
> > option.
> >
> > Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when
> > it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek
> > great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and
> > cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out
> > cold.
> >
> > When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having
> > been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they
> > tried to conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical
> > laughter.
> >
> > At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me.
> > I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the
> > matter, cat got your tongue?"
> >
> > If they had only known.

__________________
There's someone in my head, but it's not not me - Pink Floyd